5 yr old acts like a boy

[acook31]

How do I deal with this?  For the past 2 years my second daughter has insisted on dressing like a boy and playing with boy toys only.  She is determined to wear only clothes that resemble boys - no pink, no flowers, no nothing that looks girly.  She has no girlfriends only friends that are boys.  She has 2 sisters.  One older that is 8 and another that is 4.  They are both really girly so I have often thought this was her expressing herself as different.  My fear is that she will get older and be left out completely. The boys and the girls will think she is strange.  I have pushed swimming since it is a sport that she is good at and non-gender specific, but she has often wanted to play football, baseball, etc.  I would have ignored all this and just chalked it up to he expressing herself but she has developed adhesions on her vagina.  There are days I swear it is because she is lacking in estrogen.  However her doctor says this is not adbnormal and it will disappear in time.  Is there any relationship between the two?  Should I encourage her boyish behavior or push feminity?  I don't want her to feel poorly about herself but it is unbearable to watch what will be a train wreck with her classmates as they get older.  

[RockRose]

acook,  very interesting question.

From what I know,  vaginal adhesion aren't caused by lack of estrogen,  but rather by trauma,  although  they can be treated with estrogen cream.  That doesn't make a lot of sense to me but that seems to be the case.  Your question might still be valid,  that the adhesions might be caused by a lack of estrogen.  I don't know.

At this point,  I would suspect - as you do - that she is trying to be different from her sisters.  She's the middle child and they DO STRUGGLE.  If her two sisters are girly girls,  it's quite possible your middle child is trying to establish a separate identity.  

Another cause of vaginal adhesions,  and rejection of girlishness is repeated sexual assault.    It seems unlikely from your post,  but something worth mentioning - that causes both adhesions and boyishness.

I don't know that you have much to worry about in her future if she continues to act like a boy.  Don't know what your community is like,  but in our school system,  the schools are large enough that a variety of kids are available for friendships.  I see very feminine girls in our middle schools and high schools,  and also girls who dress athletically with big huge soccer shorts and long t-shirts,  and they all have friends.  They aren't isolated.  

Just keep encouraging her friendships - male or female - and make sure she has a group to socialize with and she'll be fine.  From my observation you can't force a tomboy into little pink frilly things.  It doesn't work.  ;D