5 yr old boy who acts up in school but not at home?

Hi, I have a 5 yr old boy who is acting up school but will do his work at home and listen, behavior well at home.  He is the only child and given the best.  But when he goes to school, he would not listen to the teacher and focus and do this work, or will not put any effort to finish his work, cant pay attention for long time unless it attracts him, fidget will touch-nod-bother other kids, day dreamer., acts without thinking like mess others work, talks out of turn, easily distracted, talk too much about the topic, bite his nails, try to trip the kids by stretching his legs.  He doesn't hit, punch or hurt others at all.  I don't know what i should with his behavior. I don't understand how can a kid be so good and perfect and be opposite when he goes to school.  He is currently in JK- but he is doing all grade one books.  He does all math 4 digit additions and subtractions, reading all grade one phonic book and reading book level 1.  He through ball with his left hand and write with his right.  I took him to a Physiologist and was told that he uses his both side of the brain at the same time and will have to keep his occupied.  He goes to karate 3 time a week, swimming 2 times a week, soccer team once a week, and plays drums & vocal music.  He loves to go these  classes.  I have never forced him to any at all.  I DON'T know what i have done wrong to raise him.  I don't know if he has ADD or ADHD.  But when i took him to the DR., he told me that i should put him on med without any testing.  My worries are if he cant concentrate at school at this age, what will he do later in the future, will it be a pattern or will he grow out of it.  Please help me to understand if I have been a bad mom or what should i do to help my son get a better life in future.
Thaxs.

[LRM1021]

You mention that your son has some relatively mild behavior issues at school. My question -- does he have any academic issues at school? If he is doing above grade work at home, is he doing above grade work at school? He could have mild ADHD -- or he could just be SUPERIORLY BORED IN CLASS-- he might not have to listen to the teacher or pay a lot of attention, because he "gets" it so quickly.  The solution to that is to give him more work and or/ more challenging work. Sometimes teachers don't like to do this-- but its worth a try to ask I think.

As for the med suggestion, any dr that says put any child on meds, with no testing-- well, get another dr. That just does not make any sense at all, really.

Also, the reason to put a child with ADHD on meds is if they are not being successful, measured by:
- academic progress,
- social progress, and or
- serious behavior issues that prevent the child from participating in life.
Frankly, your son is having a very full life. If he is happy, and he is learning, and he has friends, I'm not sure meds are needed.

Having said that, you could start a reward program for him where he could get his school behavior rated each day, and for each day that he does well, you could give him a reward. This incentive program is often used for children who display the types of behavior that your child describes-- it can motivate them to behave in class.

By the way-- your son and my son sound like the same child. My son might have mild ADHD-- I did get him tested and that was the conclusion. But the test also indicated that he has advanced academic skills and a superior IQ. So the person doing the testing said-- well, he may not be paying as much attention as the other children, but apparently he does not need to -- he's getting it. So his dr said-- since he's learning well in school, has friends, is participating in life, and is happy, and his teachers do not find him to be too much of a disruption that they can't teach, why medicate?  We do the behavior card and are consistent in our consequences and rewards at home. Its still hard for my son to still still and pay attention, but he never misses an answer on a test:)

[musicmama]

I agree with LRM1021.  I would like to add that it sounds like your son is used to getting all of the attention.  This does not work in a school setting.  Could he be trying to get attention at school?  If so, a behavior card might be helpful.

Good luck and God bless

[shamishusee]

Hi,  Thanx for your support.  I don't know how the behavior cad or other system that you are tell would work.  I am very eager to know how to implement on him and i don't have any clue how to do this.  Please help me and I will try to do. I had an incident to day at school with him.  He had gone to the office for throwing crayons, and i believe that he did listen to the teacher.  At home, when he came, he was been talked about this and had his time out.  But, he forget it completely and will talk normal when the time out is done.  Also i gave him math, English and reading as usual.  He did basic add 20 sums in 15 minutes, word problem in addition 10 in 10 minutes, English like he has to read and put things together " It sounds like a save, but it is ________.  (there is a picture of a cave).  He did 10 in 6 minutes. Then he started to read phonic book from scholastic grade one. Once he finished that he ate and had bath by him self and changed into his pajamas and is sleeping now.  BUT,  if this one page with 5 sum is give at school it will take him 3 hrs to do with 20 times calling his name " ARE U DONE" from his teacher.  He will look at others work or dreaming.  I don't know what i should do at this time.  I have gone today this evening to his doctor and asked her to refer me to the 2nd pediatricians, Most probably i will be seeing her next Thursdays.  Until then, i don't know what i should do.  
Medicating him with lower dose to focus on one thing at a time only for 5 day(only the school day) will be good for him, said the doctor today.  I don't know how this would affect him later on.  I called sick kids hospital for advise and was able to talk this afternoon, where they don't want me to bring there at this age because he has to be at least 6 years old.  He is just 5 now.  I don't know where to start. please help with your thoughts.
Many thanks

[LRM1021]

Wow- your description is just what you said-- one child at home, another in school.
It would seem that at school there is just too much going on for him to filter out and get down to business.  Sounds like it frustrates him too -- and that he does not like it much-- and that's why he would act up throwing crayons and such.

Yes -- a referral to a specialist-- either a developmental pediatrician, a child psychiatrist, or a child neuropsychiatrist is what you need to do here. I'm not sure what exactly would cause a child to get so overwhelmed by the stimuli in a class that they cannot handle it -- there are actually several causes that it could be, and you need a proper diagnosis in order to treat him. That's the place to start -- and then you can take it from there.

Some counseling for him - -perhaps some social skills training - would be a good idea as well-- so that he can learn some better coping mechanisms for dealing with his frustration. I would ask your pediatrician for a referral to a counselor as well.

Overall, it sounds like you have a bright, great kid -- who for some reason when he gets into this classroom the environment does not work for him. Some additional evaluation could help to see what the trigger is-- and then you can work on it.

[musicmama]

My son has this sort of problem with distractions at school.  He can make an "office" with 2 folders being taped together.  When you stand them up, they help him focus only on his desk.  If he can realize this is the problem, he can ask to sit in a private place or even in the hall so others can't distract him.

I would be a little hesitant to give him medication.  If he can do what he needs to do without any trouble at home, then he can do it.  The school may need to make some modifications in order to take away some stimuli.  Seeing the doctor or counselor may be able to give you some documentation when you approach the school about this.  They usually have to do their own testing.

Good luck and God bless.