5-yr old has tantrums only at school

[Wildbriar]

I am at the end of my rope... our five year old son is a very bright and inquisitive child and generally very well behaved at home and in public but school has become a very different story.  He's currently in a pre-school/daycare program and will be starting a formal Kindergarten program in two weeks.  For the last three weeks he's been having terrible tantrums at school, tearing books, spitting in other kid's meals, telling the teachers he gets beat at home and his parents don't care about him, etc.    My husband works out of state and is home only on weekends so I'm sure that this situation, combined with the impending new school situation has him nervous.  We've talked with him, coached him in strategies to constructively express anger, taken away privileges when he misbehaves, given him rewards when he acts appropriately... I don't know what else I can do.   He generally sleeps 10-11 hours per night, eats a well balanced diet and is given a lot of affection from both parents.  He's such a good child at home.  We are firm parents with good boundaries and clear expectations and tantrums like the ones that occur at school almost never happen at home.  I'm frightened that this will continue when he goes to "real" school and he will get labeled a troublemaker or "bad" kid.  

Help?

-Erin

[Wildbriar]

Thanks all!  I have talked with D about his behavior, and with several discussions we weren't able to come to any conclusion about why he was acting the way he was... seemed mostly like frustration.  

I did figure out (after noticing really foul-smelling breath) that he might have a sinus infection, took him to the doc and after 10 days of treatment he's a different kid at preschool.  He's back to his sweet ol' self so the infection and the fact that he probably felt crummy but couldn't pinpoint anything specific, had him tired, cranky, and prone to wacky behavior.  

At least now I know, when he really starts acting out in an extreme way there may be something physical going on.

-Erin

[specialmom]

Hi, this sounds like new behavior linked to the changing of schools.   It is funny how kindergarten feels like "real" school after preschool/daycare . . .I'm in the same boat.  My son has challenges that often look like behavior issues (which he has always exhibited in preschool/ we've done lots of OT and worked on to make it better)---- and he is starting kindergarten as well.  I'm really afraid---  but am telling myself to worry.  I've spoken to his teacher and she reminded me that MANY children enter school with all kinds of "stuff" and a kindergarten teacher is very used to figuring it all out.  They have ways to deal with kids who don't adjust well or have boundary/ behavior issues that are posative and effective.  And if there is a bigger issue going on, they provide services to address these (if you are in a public school).  So try not to worry.  We are staying very upbeat about the transition and talking POSATIVE!  My son is pretty good at home but school is overwhelming for him---- so we are trying to ease the anxiety.  We are touring the school together before it starts, meeting his teacher, principal and couselor at school.  We also found out the dynamics of how his teacher runs the room and has it set up to prepare him.  Try not to worry.  They won't label him a bad boy-----  they'll try to help him with any problems he has.  Good luck!

[supermomma531]

Once he gets to school and actually sees what it is about, he'll settle down. If he doesn't, he have to face the consequences of his actions. Maybe this is just a anxiety phase knowing he'll be attending a new school and dad isn't home during the week so this is he way of acting out to get the attention he wants. He doesn't know whats in store for him at the new school so he's gonna act up just because. He'll be given lots of chances and the teachers will be very patient with him until he goes overboard. If you have concerns, maybe during your initial interview, you can inform them of his situation and they may be able to make a plan to help him better handle a situation. He'll quickly learn that a trip to the principals office isn't so good. He won't want to be pulled out of the activities his friends are doing. He'll want to participate which means that he'll have to behave himself. I would work with him during the next few weeks about his behavior, telling him that if he continues with his behavior, his friends won't want to play with him and he'll have to sit out and watch his friends play while he won't be able to. Forewarn him about the principals office and let him know that you and his father will be in contact with the school daily to find out how he has behaved. If he doesn't behave then he'll have to serve time out or something for his behavior. Have you ever talked to him about his behavior? Ask him why he does this stuff at school and see what he says. Maybe he is acting this way because maybe he might be getting teased at school or he feels alone or he is doing this because of DAD not being home enough to spend more time with him. I realize this situation can't be helped but to a 5 yr old, this is the end of their world every time dad has to leave. Have you got any outside help like a grandparent or a aunt or a uncle to help to alleviate his behaviors? Try a reward chart with him. Even if you have tried in the past, it is still worth a shot for him to work towards something that he may want to do with you or dad or someone else. Even something as simple as camping in the livingroom or going to the park, having a picnic,etc. If you are really concerned, you could take him to a behavioral pediatrician. I'm not sure what they do but it may be worth a try. Also a child psychologist or a child psychiatrist may be worth a chance. I hope this helps. Good luck.