5 yr old son is wearing my underwear

[worriedmama94]

Recently my almost 5yr old son has been putting on my underwear and bra and then masturbating.  We tried to not make a big deal out of it, but did make it clear that it was not OK for him to put my underwear on.  I tried to find out why did it and could not get an answer.  He said he was embarrased.  Is this normal or should I take him to see a therapist?  I'm very worried.

[Claire_MHModerator]

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[claire_kieron]

my son is 3 and bit and has recently started going into my under wear drawer and putting them on is this normal or is it a faze hes going through?.

[NocturnalOracle]

Two points:

1. He's doing it because he likes it. That's it. And yes, he's 'crossdressing'. He likes the clothes, he's doing what feels natural to him. Get ready for this to be a lifelong thing.
2. The sexual aspect of this in a 5 yr old IS unusal. One thing about kids, they mimic what they see. It didn't simply come out of his own head

[stayathomemommyof2]

I agree with specialmom.Like she said wearing your clothe even if its underwear and bra is perfectly normal as well as "discovering himself" but the 2 together is not. I would seek input from other therapist.

[margypops]

It surprises me that any therapist would consider the behavior you described in your original post as 'normal behavior .I would say at the very least he has seen something on a PC.. TV or a magazine , to me it read like it was a learned behavior but as you are so positive it isnt ...you have your answers as you say speaking verbally would be best ...good luck

[worriedmama94]

Thank you everyone for your concern.  My son is watched by 3 people myself, my husband and my mom.  I am 99.99999% positive that there has not been any molestation.  I have talked to a counselor today and he is confident, from what I have told him (you can convey much more information through verbal conversation than a web posting), that this is perfectly normal behavior.  I need to set boundaries and make clear, in a positive manner, what is and is not acceptable.  There are no other signs that would point to molestation.  Of course I will keep my eye out for anything unusual, as every mom should at all times.
Again, thank you.

[specialmom]

Ah.  I misunderstood.  I thought you were saying that it was normal for a 12 year old boy to dress in his mother's underwear and masterbate.  Yikes.  Sorry.  

And your concern was exactly mine.  Hope all is well with this young boy and he is not being exposed to things he shouldn't be.  

[AnnieBrooke]

specialmom, sorry to have concerned you.  I wasn't attempting to say that I think it is normal for a 12 year old to cross-dress.  I was saying it's more normal for a 12-year-old to masturbate than it is for a 5-year-old.  I didn't address the part of the issue that might or might not be cross-dressing because it didn't seem possible to tell from the o.p.'s description that that is what was going on.  (Maybe he just liked the satiny feeling of the underwear for tactile reasons, or liked its novelty.  I know a lot of little boys who play with their mom's lipstick or nail polish, because it's interesting or novel or they like the little brush.  This doesn't mean they intend to be the next Boy George.)

It seems a lot more surprising for a 5-year-old to be doing anything that approximates masturbation than it would if he was 12.  Kids are going through puberty younger nowadays, but that just seems so very young.  That was why I was wondering if the child was getting some inappropriate sexual exposure that his mom doesn't know about.  

[specialmom]

I agree that this is not normal.  Now if you wrote that your son was just putting on your underwear---------  that is normal.  Kids love their mother's to death and want to be like them and love their stuff----------  hence, they may get into their underwear.  Besides, it is all soft and comfortable material.  

If you just wrote that your child was trying to masturbate.  Okay, some kids discover sensation and do this.  

The two together is not normal.  That is a bit out of the range of normal sexual exploration.  That is much more in the area of intentional sex play.    

I am deeply concerned about the comment above that this behavior is just immature for a 5 year old and more like what a 12 year old to do???  What????   No, that would not be normal.  Even less so at 12!  Much less so.  

So, I think that you downplay the whole thing and don't make it a big deal but you watch this boy closely.  Something is going on.  Go ahead and ask him not to wear your underwear.  It is yours and you are not willing to share it.  Make this very clear.  Then watch what happens.  I'd seek counseling if anything escalates in any way.  
Good luck.

[AnnieBrooke]

The only thing that seems peculiar to me in your son's behavior is how young he is.  Does he have access to porno images or movies?  What about (I hate to ask) is there any possibility that he could have been molested?  What your son did sounds like something a 12-year-old would do, not a 5-year-old.  I would be concerned that he is getting sexual images some way that you do not know about.

[worriedmama94]

He is not really masturbating.  I don't think any 4 or 5 yr old can.  He lies down on his back and tenses his body, bends his knees and opens and closes his legs.  He does this for about 5 min.  From everything I have read this is perfectly normal.  There is nothing sexual about it.  We have told him to do it in the privacy of his room.  The underwear part I'm concerned about.

[margypops]

No this is not normal 5 year old behavior my first thought is you check out if he is copying anyone , some one he is alone with, I doubt that a 5 year old is actually masturbating he is showing some sexual behavior that may be worth checking out, dressing up in your clothes is unusual at 5...I suggest you check out the dynamics here... I see a red flag .....

[betty1973510]

no no he is just a kid interested in stuff, and give him a small hobby and he will forget about your clothes

[bigblues101]

I dont think this is normal since kids would mostly like to wear thier own underwear. I think he might have saw somthing he's wasn't supposed to see that might have got him into the habbit as well as the masterbating I think he needs help cause kids are not even allowed to know about sex stuff untill they are like in high school.

[AnnieBrooke]

Sorry that there is no easy answer, but I would guess this is pretty normal.  I'd ask him to refrain from using anything that doesn't belong to him.