5year old being treatened with explusion from school

Hello,
I have been having alot of trouble with my 5 year old daughter :-) she is a beautiful intelligent little girl but refuses to conform and do what she is told at home or school, there has been on going problems with her behaviour since she was about 2 years old but it has now got to the point where the teachers are finding her disruptive behaviour a problem for her peers and have told me if her behaviourdoesn't improve she will have to be removed from the school

A bit of background on her family situation - i'm a single mother to my 51/2 year old, she has a close relationship with her grandparents/my parents .... she spends a few hours a week with her dad and his mother and stays over night once every 2-3 weeks 6pm -9am - her dad comesinto her life then out of it usually during the summer he says he wants a break from her and paying any maintainence for her so just doesn't turn up for a few months then walks back into her life like nothing happened ..... she loves him and her nanny but they don't seem to return this .... they also say she is well behaved when she is with them for the 2 hours each week!


I have been informed of many misbehaviour occassions since she started school in january ..... taking things she is not supposed to and flushing them down the toilet ..... flat refusing to work and looking at the teacher with utter contemp and saying i don't want to!! ..... hiding behind curtains for over 30 minutes with the school searching for her .... spinning round on her seat laughing for no reason and continuing to do so for ages .... spinning around  on the floor and knocking other children over when they are in assembly .... not remaining seated in class .... staring into space and ignoring teachers .... not going to the toilet and messing herself in class, 14 occasions she has been sent home to be changed ..... fits of hysterical laughing that cannot be stopped and throwing herself on the floor or going ridged or floppy when a teacher tries to intevine Lasting 20 mins+ -at least weekly .... throwing things .... sitting in puddles till she is soaking wet ... and many other things

At home she is a very happy child always smiling and very loving and has quite good manners she just refuses to do as i ask usually ignoring me till i have asked about 4-5 times, she is also quite hyper at home climbing on top of furniture and throwing herself off cannot sit still and do anything for longer than 20 minutes ..... on 7 occassions she has woke up between 5.00-7.00 in the morning and sneaked downstairs and out of a small bathroom window (6ft high) to play in the garden in the dark, luckily she hasn't done this for the past month .... if i have a visitor she will refuse to let me have a conversation with them by shouting or running round or clinging off my top or theirs, bouncing on furniture etc ... the same situation occurs if i'm on the phone .... she always plays up when we are out in public

I have tried every kind of disaplin from naughty step -= taking away favorit toys and getting her to earn them back .-- reward charts -- ignoring bad behaviou praising good - I DO NOT SMACK HER - getting her interested in other things to stop the bad behaviour - etc etc

please help i'm totally stressed out and worried for her future

finn :(

[finnoke]

additional ******* I have a appointment with a behaviour clinic come through for january have been waiting since march ... and the head mistress has informed me she is contacting a educational phychologist ... I have been told i should write a food diary to see if any addatives are affecting her behaviour, what information should i put in this diary???  ... also i have always refused to give her cola and other fizzy drinks and her dad will only give her cola just to defy me...

[betauser]

I see that no one has written and I just wanted you to know my heart goes out to you.  I have to admit I know nothing about this particular problem but getting some medical help seems like a step toward you getting some peace.  Again I just wanted to write so you didn't feel quite so lonely.  Someone out there is saying a prayer for you............me!!!!!

good luck!!

[noahsmomma]

My heart goes out to you as well. I question a behavioral disorder like Oppositional Defient Disorder, but one always hates to speculate that. A professional really needs to do an evaluation. Just keep your chin up and know that you have done what you needed to do by scheduling the appointment. You cannot get them to see you any sooner than they can. You can seeking help. That is the biggest thing. If I were you, I would keep a journal of EVERYTHING! Her every move from now until you go see the behavioral ped. by everything... I mean every fit she thows....what happened before it, what happened after, how long it lasted, how it resolved, how long after she ate did it occurr...what did she eat.... everything! I know it sounds like a lot of work, but if its a dietary thing it would be the easiest to correct. It doesn't have to be sugars and carbonated sodas....she could be allergic to dyes that are added to common things like bread!!!! Our food is so contaminated that it is unreal! Also, have you considered lead poisioning??? Is there lead anywhere in your house? Is the house older with older paint that may be chipping? Just a thought! Lead can make kids at nuts! Best of luck!! I am at a loss for ideas... I was just trying to brainstorm to help out!

[Atto786]

I really feel for you . Btw none of us are very experienced on this forum. You really must use the 'Ask an expert" forum and you'll be given an immediate answer. Keep trying as sometimes that page comes up as full for the day with so many of us looking for answers.

Secondly , you should contact the 'Child study team' at your local school district and they will be able to run in a few tests  or  help you with making an IEP. (Individual Eduaction plan ) It's important that you do follow through with this immediately, for your peace of mind & to help your darling girl.

Pls I cannot stress enough but our AMERICAN diet is just plain ****. Once you start noticing , you'll be surprised  with all those chemicals they've been adding to the food....rule of the thumb is when buying any food product pls look behind at the list of ingredients. Anything you cant pronounce or is a long word almost always is a chemical alternative, genetically modified substance and they def have extreme side effects like rash behaviours in kids as well as adults. Anything that contains ' HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP" is a BIG , big No NO ! This very cheap , modified sugar is added to almost every product , also common is " HYDROGENATED OIL" , ARTIFICIAL SUGAR (aspartame,splenda etc) and FOOD  COLORS ( that are derived from petroleum bases)

Listed below are namely my fav two sites , pls do look into them :

www.mercola.com
www.garynull.com

Regular milk that is homogenised is also one of the culprits. Sorry , I really did not mean to give you a food lecture but wanted to really highlight the main stuff just for your knowledge. I've been in to  organics/supplenting/whole foods etc  after my son got diagosed with having a high risk for developing PDD three years ago. The diet change worked wonders for him. Improved attention was noticed immediately after he stated organic rice milk, probiotic, vit B-12 , fish oil etc. Sadly our food are so very depleted that I really wanted to cry at the time. With time comes patience & knowledge and all my efforts have really kicked in.

I dont mean to spook you but I'm gravely concerned about her spinning , staring into space and mainly laughing by herself. Pls do get help quickly . Follow through with the suggested food diary, her activities , Parenting def is not easy , esp a child that is challenging ....I need you to be strong and smiling :0) .

Before ending, I really do like the suggestion made by 'noahsmomma' about lead contamination. Recently a lot of toys got recalled esp the ones 'made in china'. Mattel, Hasbro , Playschool  and a few other top name brands were also on the list. Request a copy from toysrus for recalled toys and do go through the toy chest , throw away toys that are chipped, Mcdonald toys not played with, dollar store toys etc.

Good Luck & May God bless your family !

[finnoke]

thank you for all your kind words and support :-)

I'm in england and the schoold diet which has recently been implemented by a chef called jamie oliver and is supposed to be additive free and no sweets chocolate are allowed at school.  that is why i'm at a loss as her behaviour doesn't seem to be directly linked to her diet, but as i'm no expert i will have to really strictly look into this and I have started a food diary last night for her listing her behaviour and her foood drink intake and times :-)

I will be more strict with what she eats at home but since i have already cut out a few years ago certain e-numbers to no avail (orange/red food colouring) E110-E129 the thought of having to prepare all her food from scrach without presevative/e numbers is daunting and may well be expensive for me ... she is a very healthy eater and would rather choose a raw carrot or an apple to eat than chocolate already .... last night she ate home made fish chips and tinned mushy peas and was extreamly well behaved, when she ate the same meal last week she was not at her best  I have read the contents of the food she ate last night and have searched the internet for the full chemical names/e number  of each addative and have started to use my chemistry backgroud to work out what is exactly in her food ... It is a shame that each food company give a different name for the same items,

i will look into these items organic rice milk, probiotic, vit B-12 , fish oil

I will definatly look into the lead poisoning but i do know that all the paint internal and external on my house is lead free so i will study her favorite toys and any other house hold objects to see if there is a possibility of this

yes the inapropriate laughing on her own for no particular reason is very freaky and she will cotinue it even when i try to intervine she will stiffen her body or go completly limp and continue if i manage to stop her she will stare right through me like she is possessed and continue it can last from 5 minutes to 30 minutes ... I do think that this may be an attention seeking thing though as she knows she gets a reaction from me ()although i try real hard to ignore it) or her teachers

She is a very active youg girl she was walking at 9 months and climbing since around that time....  She has no fear at all, going as high as possible on her swing till she can see over the top bar or climbing 12-18 ft up trees,  going down slides head first on her back,  climbing on money bars and hanging upside down from her knees,  She started swimming lessons 2 months ago and can now swim at the stage of children who have been taking lessons for nearly a year .... She did have speach problems and was quite late developing but had caugh up with the age range by the time she was 4 this caused major temper tantrums but they have became rare now.

I really do hope that i can get proper help for this and not be palmed off saying it is normal/not sever enough by the experts!!

once again thanks for your help, advice and support!

finn :-)