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5yr boy hitting at school/home
My 5 year old is a very active boy. At home, he hits/pushes his younger brother when he's angry. Today, he said he hit a boy at his school because he would not play with him. He hit the boy about 5 times and his teacher had told him to stop many times but did not obey. I have talked to him countless times not to hit/push, but he does it when he's angry or as a joke. I'm not sure how to approach this problem. Any suggestion would be appreciated. Thanks!
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Specialmom is right on - showing and practicing with him is really important. The book she mentioned is great - here is more ideas from an earlier post by me ---
There is also several sets of books that are meant to be read aloud to kids from 4 to about 7 years of age. One example is "Hands are not for hitting," found here - http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775
Also the learning to get along series with books such as, "Share and get along" - found here, http://www.amazon.com/Share-Take-Turns-Learning-Along/dp/1575421240/ref=pd_sim_b_4
I do agree with ahp84 that consequences need to be immediate and consistent. However at this age - I disagree about the length of time. I have never seen anything in print suggesting that taking something away for a week (at this age) is effective. A good source here is "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark. She describes how to use the timeout system and says long the timeouts should last for a particular age group.
There is also several sets of books that are meant to be read aloud to kids from 4 to about 7 years of age. One example is "Hands are not for hitting," found here - http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775
Also the learning to get along series with books such as, "Share and get along" - found here, http://www.amazon.com/Share-Take-Turns-Learning-Along/dp/1575421240/ref=pd_sim_b_4
I do agree with ahp84 that consequences need to be immediate and consistent. However at this age - I disagree about the length of time. I have never seen anything in print suggesting that taking something away for a week (at this age) is effective. A good source here is "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark. She describes how to use the timeout system and says long the timeouts should last for a particular age group.
Consistent consequences are the key. Sometimes, a consequence needs to take more than a few hours or days to get the point across.
When my oldest son, who is 6½, does something to get in trouble, he loses a priviledge such as watching tv. If the behavior continues, he loses tv for up to a week, as well as losing a favorite toy, for example.
Consequenses also need to be as immediate as possible as well as consistent.
When my oldest son, who is 6½, does something to get in trouble, he loses a priviledge such as watching tv. If the behavior continues, he loses tv for up to a week, as well as losing a favorite toy, for example.
Consequenses also need to be as immediate as possible as well as consistent.
Thanks for the quick comment.
We usually use time-out; playing toys by himself and no TV.
I'm not sure what method his teacher use at his preschool. But, from what I heard, I think they use timeout as well.
We usually try to talk things out with him and telling him that hitting hurts the other person and we cannot do that. I think our problem may be that we're too lenient on the consequences.
We usually use time-out; playing toys by himself and no TV.
I'm not sure what method his teacher use at his preschool. But, from what I heard, I think they use timeout as well.
We usually try to talk things out with him and telling him that hitting hurts the other person and we cannot do that. I think our problem may be that we're too lenient on the consequences.
What type of consequences do you use, and does his teacher use, for his behavior?
Reading your post, I notice only that the teacher told him to stop many times and he didn't obey. What action did she take other than telling him to stop?
I notice that you have talked to him countless times that his behavior is unacceptable, but what consequences have you enforced to try to stop his behavior?
Reading your post, I notice only that the teacher told him to stop many times and he didn't obey. What action did she take other than telling him to stop?
I notice that you have talked to him countless times that his behavior is unacceptable, but what consequences have you enforced to try to stop his behavior?
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So, the first thing I'd do with a five year old boy is start to talk to him about his feelings. The library is a great resourse of books written for kids on emotions giving them kid language. My sons, for example, talked about a bad mood as a storm cloud coming in and a tantrum as a tornado for a while. Read these books so he can understand what is happening inside of himself. When someone didn't play with him------------- how did he feel? Mad, sad, frustrated? If he starts getting in line with thinking about how he feels and using words to describe it---------- it slows down the reaction (which hitting is). And that is the key to stopping it.
You can ask him when he is started to get agitated "you seem like you are mad. Why?" STart talking to him about it all the time. Get him talking about it. You can play a game where you act out emotions and have him put a name to it. Then have him do it and you guess.
Then the next step is to give him appropriate ways to handle the emotions. What things CAN he do? He can talk to a grown up, use his words to tell the child why he is upset, he can go to a cool down spot (enclosed places are great------ we have a pillow pile behind some chairs or if you have a pop up tent, that is great. Schools almost always have a 'spot'------- usually it has a bean bag in it, a rocking chair, or something enclosed. Even under a table in the corner works.). The idea of a cool down spot is "you are upset, so go to your spot to calm yourself down and no one will bother you until you do. Then come back when you are calm again to solve the problem." Kids can open and close their fists really fast and hard as it calms the nervous system. You can blow in and out slowly which is really taking deep breaths. Counting is an old timeless calm down trick. Another idea for at school is to have the kids put washable paint on their hands and press their hand print onto paper. Hang it in the room with the name of the kids by their hands. When they get mad, the teacher can say "go find your helping hands"-------- the kids then go to their hand prints and press against them. This is basically a wall push up and a strategy to calm the nervous system that occupational therapists use. You can do it at home too.
So, model for him what he CAN do when upset.
There is a great series of books for kids and one is entitled "Hands are not for Hitting". Drives home the message in a very kid friendly way. Any punishment for things at school has to be immediate to have an affect on a child of his age. So, a time out there would be appropriate. They should also and you should at home talk about 'being good friends. we take care of ourselves and we take care of others."
I think we have a really great opportunity for helping our kids turn into well rounded and adjusted individiuals by giving them the tools they need to handle stress in life. This is your opportunity with your son to help him develop life long positive ways to dealing with his emotions. good luck.