My 5yr old daughter just started Kindergarten about 3 weeks ago. She was going to her daycare/nursery school since she was 3mths old prior to this. She is very smart and knows a lot that other 5 yr old children do not know yet. She can read from a sight word book write every every upper case and lower case, spell certain words, read certain words, easy addition and subtraction. She is having a behavioral problem in class. The teacher writes me notes about 3 times a week telling me she is constantly calling out, getting out of her seat to get tissues with out rasing her hand, waiting to use the handicap bathroom in the restroom (becasue its bigger), making noises loudly when suppose to be doing her work, wobbling on her chair. The teacher said she is not calling out answers but she is calling out random things such as, I have to go to the bathroom, I need a tissue,...etc. When they are doing their work at their tables she is grabbing the other kids pencial cases and playing with them. Her daycare said she never gave them a problem and that she just has to get use to it. The teacher uses a color card system, Every student starts with a green cardm they go to yellow, orange, and red. They get numbers on their calenders when their behavior is out of hand. Last week i received 3 notes about calling out and wobbling in chair. Friday I received a note saying she is doing much better. This Monday and Tuesday she gets numbers for things that she is doing. I told her she couldnt go to dance class last night and she couldnt play her nintendo wii or gameboy. What do you recommed me do with disciplinging her. She goes to dance class 3 times a week and she alwasy has parties to attend. I dont know if punishing her is the right thing to do? May you please help? Does she need to be evaluated? Thank you. Concerned Mom
I am having the same issues... I often wonder what, if anything, we can do other than talking to them to curve the issues. Or quite possibly, is the school not doing enough figuring that we, as parents, will handle it at home.
At least your getting positive feedback, and have the ability to see improvment or not. My kids' school doesn't offer the color system or any other form of system for that matter. I wish I could help and I am anxious to see what others think =]
I know I am very concerned and frustrated. She isnt a bad kid she is just having some behavorial issues and I dont know how to fix it. Is punnishing her the right way to go. I dont hollar at her I talk to her and tell her that I dont want to punish her but I want her to do behave better in school and this is what I have to do. She will cry, cry and the next day she does it again. She tells me she forgets she had to raise her hand. She tells me she is bored. I dont know what to do.
i hear that. My kids do the same, they know what their doing is wrong, yet repeate the same thing the next day.
does her teachers make you feel like your child is the only one in the class who does these things? or are they just letting you, as well as the other parents, know?! My husband and I often wonder if our kids teachers have issues with other kids as well. Do you think it would be appropriate to ask the teachers if they have behavior issues with other kids in the class too??
Yes the teacher does make me feel like she is the "problem child" of the class. I did ask her once before last week about other students behavior and she told met that she doesnt like to discuss about other students. I didnt want her to bad mouth the other students just some closure that this behavior is normal for a 5 yr old, that is only 3 weeks into Kindergarten. I just spoke to her Pre-K teachers and they told me she really didnt get them a problem at all. They think she might of have gotten to much attention there and now she isnt getting it there. I hope she had a better day today.
I'm glad I'm not in this all by myself. My daughter too, started Kindergarden this year and she's having the same problems. She is very smart and does her work in class. I think the problem is that they get bored easily so they find other ways to occupy their time. She also comes home at least 2 times a week with red card saying that she's out of her seat or constantly talking in class. I've taken her Tv and dvds out of her room and I'm not allowing her to have computer time. This has somewhat improved her behavior in school but she stills has her days. I don't think she needs to be evauated. I think this is something they'll grow out of by 1st grade. Just continue to talk to her and stay consistent with the discipline and she'll show positive changes soon! lol :)
My 5 yr old son just started Kindergarten in Catholic school 3 weeks ago and was also in a spectacular daycare from the time he was 4 months old. He has always been described as an active child and this is okay to us because both my husband and I are very very active people. While he pushed at times in daycare and pre-school, we were always told so that we could work on it but also reassured that it was normal. While I had had a very demanding career that has kept me out of the country quite a bit, I have now decided to stay home with our son. He has always had a good family home life - nothing out of the ordinary so this is very strange to us....anyway,
Now, 3 weeks into private school, I have been talked to by the teacher multiple times - the first time on day 2 of school!
Our son is also calling out random things during a lesson and tests the teacher all the time....for instance, he raised his hand to go to the restroom and when the teacher said to wait until the other student got out of the restroom, he said it only made sense for him to stand outside the door....she told him no yet he felt that he should go to the door anyway. Once she walked him back to his chair, he sat down nicely and waited. This to me, is normal testing behavior in 5 year olds as they need to see how far they can take you a the "new" person in their life. When we met with the teacher we did start a point/reward system which was good and she did mention he was never defiant and always listened when she said not and was the only child who said please and thank you BUT that he pushes occasionally and that is something she has never seen and that it is aggressive behavior. Her exact quote in an email was “Your son was very rough again on the playground. He shoved his friend (in a not so playful way). I have noticed many of the boys in class today playing rough, hitting or pushing. I have to admit, I have never had a 5 or 6 year old in my class hit before... so I am a little shocked! The rough playing is beginning to rub of on other children and it really needs to stop. I talked to all of the boys involved in "hitting" today and explained to them that it needs to stop... "
I am wondering what they are teaching teachers these days because I certainly feel as though my child is branded as this horrible delinquent who is a bad influence. He is just so kind and gentle at home...no denying that he requires a lot of activities to entertain him but he listens-he knows his limits. What should we do next? Any suggestions?
Sit in the class?! Yesterday I was at the school for a volunteering meeting and walked to his classroom to watch him (hidden behind a wall so noone saw me) and the Vice Principal came over and reprimanded me, walked me out of the area and told me that it was discouraged for parents to look in as it could cause chaos! I was embarrassed, annoyed, stunned...especially given that at his $17,000 a year daycare and pre-school it was ENCOURAGED. Suggestions?
Oh my god, and here I thought it was just my 5 year old boy. First, he too went to daycare since he was 6 weeks old. But my problem was there and this is what i went thru. He is a very smart boy as well, I think way advanced for his age,just like all of you are explaining. From the time he was 15 months on, I continued to get notes from daycare saying "my son did this, my son did that" oh my god, what me and my husband went thru, we took toys away, made him stand in corner, sent to room, you name it, we tried it, they made me feel as though it was my son, and we could never figure out why he gave them the problems but never gave us, our family members, friends, etc a problem. I regret to this day, but we kept him in this daycare and put up w/ the notes for YEARS, so much so I called dr's, behavoiral health hotlines, etc, each person always told me that nothing is wrong w/ my son, he sounds as though he is too smart for his own good and he is bored with the same routine. It was not until the beginning of this year that I finally agreed and switched him to another daycare w/ a different routine and never had a problem since. He now goes to school, in KG, too, he has had his name on the board several times for talking, etc. but never ever did i get a note from school. He tells me he is bored cause he already knows his ABC's, 1,2,3, etc. therefore the point to my long story is this. I think our kids are just fine, I think they are more advanced then the other children and I think they just get bored and that then is when they become restless. I agree the teachers though, should have full control over the kids, that is why we pay them to handle the situation, and talking from experience try not to be too harsh on your kids now and punish them after the fact, take it from me, i have lots of quilt on everything I did over the past 4 years w/ my son. the daycare teacher made me feel like something was wrong w/ him, and all this time it wasn't him, but her and the facility. I wish I could suggest something that would help in your situation for school, but my only thought is praise them for the good grades and for being smart, and just alk to them about what they do wrong, and why its wrong. hope it helps, some anyway...good luck
i am so glad i've found this forum!!!!!! I've had phone calls everyday this week concerning my 5 yr old son ranging from pushing a little girl down on the playground because she didn't want to play chase anymore, pinching a little girl at circle time because "she was bothering me" to punching a friend (boy) on the bus.... I am at my wits end. The school and teacher is really great and she has assured me he is not BAD but he is a young 5 (7/30) and also was born deaf and was implanted with a cochlear implant at 17 months of age. He has two older sisters 18, and 15 which rough house with him alot. He also has trouble with just blurting out during class and sitting still, which we attribute to being young...We've taken tv time away for the last two days. He just does not understand the consequences of his actions. If anyone has any ideas with my issue I'd love to hear from you...
I am so glad I am not alone. My daughter also was good in daycare and even in her before and after school programs she is fine, but yet it doesn't seem that a week goes by that I am not receaving a note from school.
Her teacher is now threatening to hold her back in kindergarten because of this. I don't know what to do anymore. She gets timeouts. I don't even OWN a TV anymore. I make her write apologies to her teacher. I even wouldn't allow her to go to her friends birthday party because of the notes.
I just don't know what to do. I am at my wits end and just feel like I am somehow failing her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Please start a new post and give more information. How old is your daughter and what month is her birthday? What kind of notes are you receiving from the teacher (what is she doing wrong). How experienced is her teacher. Do the pre and post school teachers see any of the same thing the K teacher is reporting on?
It is very difficult at this age to give a child consequences at home for behavior at school. They are not mature enough to draw the connection. And in short, punishment at home for something done at school, is a waste of time. The school has to deal with it. What you can do at home is to try and model the expected behavior and practice, practice, practice.
And it is always possible that this is just a maturation issue. There is nothing wrong with repeating kindergarten. In fact, it is the best grade to repeat. Of course, it is entirely possible you've got a inexperienced K teacher who can't handle her. Anyway, we need more info. But do change your punishment at home. Get back to us.
I feel so relived to read everyones comments and to know im not the only one haivng issues with my 5 year old. My son went to pre-k and never had any issues and now that he has started kindergaten the teacher has constant complaints about his behavior. She says he is the smartest kid in his class but he talks to much, wont stay in his seat and makes noise to make the class laugh. I went to volunteer and saw that he was folling suite of what he saw other kids do but everytime i talk to his teacher she makes it seem as if he's the only problem. The school is a low budget school and not a school i wanted my son to attend due to the childrens behavior that i observed. Everyday his teacher sends him home with the color red which is the lowest color you can. I notice that my child is saying things and acting out in ways which he never did till he went to this school. I was wondering should i transfer him to another school for a different and better environment because it seems like his teacher is fed up already even though it is still early in the school year. I just really need some help and opinions on what to do because i've tried talking to him, taking away toys, snacks and t.v, i've even tried spanking and him going to the corner but everyday the teacher says the same negative responces. Please give me some advice everyone!;(
Here's a suggestion - would it be possible for you to volunteer to assist the teacher in the classroom for a least part of each day your son attends? It sounds to me as if this teacher is overwhelmed and my guess is that there are far too many children for one person to handle. I did this in our granddaughter's class and it made a huge, huge difference for our granddaughter, the teacher and the other children. Just a suggestion ....
In the first place there is very little that you can do at home for his behavior at school. At this age, discipline has to be immediate and consistent. For you do try and do something at home for a problem that he had hours earlier is just not going to have any effect. Yes, you can demand good behavior at home. You can model correct actions at home. But, to have him come home from school and then be sent to the corner for something he did maybe 4 hours earlier is like disciplining a teenager for something they did years earlier.
Hopefully, the K teacher is doing more than just handing out a red card. If that is all that is happening, then he certainly is not going to change. If he is the smartest kid in class, he will quickly learn to modify his behavior if the teacher actually has any consequences. I suppose that its possible that he could be bored by what's going on and is finding ways to amuse himself.
I think jdtm's suggestions are also a good idea. Any Kingergarten teacher these days could use some help.
Also when is your son's birthday? Some kids are just not ready for the structured environment yet. If his birthday is between Sept and Dec - this is a possibility.
You ask about transferring? Really depends on what the teacher is doing? If the teacher appears to be incapable of handling the class, then it could be an option you want to explore. But I would take a look at what the first grade teachers are like in each school as well as both schools overall performance record.
I also have a 5 yr old son at Kindergarden, and since school start i didn"t receive one positive note about him, only bad.. the bus driver, theacher, principal, vice-principal..they all say same thing...he doesn't listen, constant misbehave ( wich they don't tell me what it is), call class mates "bad names" (wich i don't say in front of him, and i monitor what he watchs on tv), and yesterday when i got a call, they make me feel like i'm the worse mother ever, i cry all afternoon untiln i felt sleep, she said that if he doens't get any better within a week , they gonna call at school to discuse what to do.. what they gonna do? speell him from school?
i honestly don't knw what to do.. i try my very best, i quit my day job of 10 yrs to stay home and support him and my 2 yr old girl.. he is a smart child, knws numbers, shapes, sizes, color, left/ right..and two languages ( we r bilingual )..
I punished him, by taking away his toys, his favorite dvds, his leapfrog game, his dayout at the mall, no more pizza on friday.. he does capoeira classes (brazilian thing ), to give him disciplim and good skills, i do have complains about his behavier , but not constantly..his master encourage him the days he does a "nice job", so do i.. at day care , they never say so name bad things like i'm hearing now..around other kids , he does good..of course no 100% of the time..he have his 'feet stoomp" , yelling, says " no i don't want to ", crys.. by honestly over all, he seens like a normal 5 yr old..
Now the school wants me to seek medical help, is that needed?
Please moms help me, i'm a young mom (29 yrs old ), i love my kids more than my own life, and hear all negative things about him,, breaks my heart.. and i need to help him..
Totally understand how you feel. I am facing the same right now. We are bilingual and he is taking karate class for discipline and concetration as well. My son is very under control at home and mostly under control in his karate class while they have very strict rules and master. When speaking to his preschool teacher, the comment I received is that he is so cute and fun. Since he is the only kid at home, I know he will have some issue with sharing and upset when he did not get his own way. However, he is able to control most of time while I am around. All my friends said good thing about him and thinks that my son is 10 times behaved than their kids who don't get so many complains like us. I got 3 calls from teacher within 4 weeks. She also suggests me to speak to pediatrician which I also did. His pediatrician did not conern at all and does not believe that he has medical issue. The doctor thinks it's only adjustment issue while they only starts new school for less than a month. Some kids take longer time to adjust and teacher needs to be more patient. My co-workers also said that it's very normal for kindergarteners based on their parental experience. Teacher just needs to be firm and send them to timeout if not behave. Once the teacher's authority is built in the classroom, kids will behave. That's also what our karate master said.
Sorry I have no good suggestion because I am still figuring out the way to correct this as well. What I did so far is speaking to pediatrician (who exclude the medical issue) and I also schedule the meeting with his preK and after school teacher today. I want to know if he behave differently in after school center. Then I can conclude the cause to purely adjustment and discipline issue. Next step, I will look up some children books for emotion/anger control and school life to read to him during bedtime. I found that it will be easier for him to understanding if he have picture to see. In addition, I took out his TV time during school days because I found he will be more calm and stable without TV. But we do let him play some educational game (starfall) for 30 minutes the most a day.
If things not get any improved by PTC in end of October, I will also try to speak to school psychologist to see if there is anything we can do to help him get adjusted to the school structure routine.
Kids do need to be taught how to handle their anger. There are a couple sets of books aimed at this age group. One is, " How to Take the Grrrr Out of Anger" (Laugh And Learn). That and several more are found here - http://www.amazon.com/Take-Grrrr-Anger-Laugh-Learn/dp/1575421178/ref=pd_sim_b_7
Another good set is the," Don't Rant and Rave on Wednesdays!" The Children's Anger-Control Book. That and others in the set are found here - http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Rant-Rave-Wednesdays-Anger-Control/dp/0933849540/ref=pd_sim_b_1
Thanks for recommandation. They are good books. However, I saw the book is for age 9-12. Do you think 5 year-old can understand this book after reading? I was looking at the set of "When I feel" by Cornelia Maude Spelman. The set is mainly targets for 4 to 8 year-old. I also can get the bilingual version from my home country.
My son's teacher did taught him what he can do when he is angry. He told me that he should cool down. He can take a deep breath and sing twinkle twinkle little star. And I told him that he can also think of something that can make you happy. I even draw a happy face on his hand before he went to school today. I am not sure how much he can remeber when he has temper, but "How to cool down" will become our daily reminder/practice to him. Hope it will improve the situation gradually.
Opps, you are right. That was from a post I had made to a parent with an older child. Definitely use the "When I feel" books. Also "cool down and work through anger" from the Learning to get along series. found here
These color charts are out of hand. I believe boys have a harder time overall adjusting to color behavior charts. They only reinforce the bad and it does cause a child to feel awful about there color and the parents punish. After an extended time you start to realize it isn't the child it is the strict teacher and system. Get your kid out of there fast before his self image is hurt. My son would go on Red for helping another kid with math, or wiggling in his seat, or being docked two colors while a sub was in town days later for not perfect behavior. Just to name a few. I then realized these teachers at the private school have no elementary/child development centered training. Most were teachers who wanted to teach high school or middle school and ended up her because they needed a job. They used the color behavior chart as a weapon of control to get what they want the nice and easy peaceful day. Unfortunately at kindergarten age it just isn't the case. They are 5 and 6 they should be expected to be perfect and like robots. Just my take but I have been thru this and I see why the color behavior system was set up but if the child goes a good month and it really dosen't improve there is a problem with that system and each child is different. Rewards and positivity helps most kids at this age. Not degrading to get an outcome which is what these colors do over time.
I had a tough 3 weeks with my 4 and a half year old daughter when she started kindergarten, too. Everyday was a new set of complaints from the teacher. She was sent to the principal's office, and vise principal's office, along with detention almost everyday. Her main issues were hitting other kids, and basically not listening to the teacher in class. Then, we decided to put her in a small private school with just 5 other kids, and since then has been thriving. She is doing stuff at 2nd grade level, and behaving much better now, no complaints of hitting anyone. Some kids I guess need more attention from the teachers. Now that she will start first grade, ill be bringing her back to public school, hoping she can adjust now.
Hi, I think some kids are also just immature emotionally when they start kindergarten. There is such a big difference in ages and if your child started kinder at 4.5, she had to be one of the youngest (You have to be 5 by the end of September to start in my state and many will wait until the next year if that is the case in my area. so many kids are a full year older than the youngest ones which makes a HUGE difference).
It will be interesting how she'll do in the large classroom after thriving in the small one. Hope it goes well!
Im so glad i found this post and to know im not the one. My son is 5 yrs old and in Kindergarten and is going through the same thing. He is on the behavior color scale and since he began the school year the teacher has him on red and it seems like every other day she has a complain about him. He tends to tell me sometimes that he gets bored or that he just cant control himself ( a phrase i believe he learned from his teacher). I already had a sit down with the teacher and have to schedule another one this week because just today she wrote him a referral. I have also felt like hes this "problem child" and is causing chaos in class. This is when it gets interesting, my son is a HONOR STUDENT. He gets nothing but As and one B in his report card.He is very out going sociable and bright, ???? So why the misconduct??? Family and friends have suggested maybe hes to advanced, maybe the teacher has no patience and doesnt have the childrens respect, ive thought about ADHD...im just confused and frustrated and need to get to the bottom of this as well.
Well, I am also the CL for the ADHD forum so feel free to post over there if you have any questions on that line.
I have never been a big fan of behavioral color scale, because I don't think it is a very effective way to change behavior. And if all she is doing is using the scale and writing referrals - she will have problems with bright, bored kids.
If you want to get to the bottom of this - you need to visit the classroom and watch what is going on. After awhile your son will forget that you are there - so definitely plan to spend several hours.
By the way, it does no good to punish him at home for what he does in school. The time span is to great for him to draw any connection. What you can do is to practice at home things he should be doing at school. It will carry over after a while.
I came in here to look for help to address what I feel is harassment and targeting of my son.
My son turned six and is in kindergarten. Every other day I get a note on some trivial thing his teacher has decided is worth targeting him for. Today he wa told to change his color card( they use this negative behavior modification system) because he sat in the wrong spot on the carpet. Seriously!
My son is highly intelligent, all his pre-school and day care teachers have said so, sweet, generous and very social according to them. He does have to be redirected, impulsive at times, and has a tough time following directions. He does do better in smaller groups. He does not respond well when he is humiliated in front of others.
The past few months my son has been very emotional, crying a lot, saying no one likes him, he is 'stupid' 'dumb', and he is 'bad'. I finally came to the realization that my son has been demorilized, he is defeated by being always told to change his color card. I asked him if his teacher ever said nice things like good job , or you did that well, he said no. I asked twice, and he said no. I asked does she say nice things to the other kids, he said yes, all the time and to all of them. It broke my heart.
The background-she is young, inexperienced and was brought on to handle the overflow of kindergarten students the second week of school. Her mother and sister work at the school, her best friend is married to a teacher there, and she was a student there herself. Needless to say, nepitism, and complete denial from the principle when I have complained.
I asked to remove his from her class and put him in with a more experienced teacher. Denied. Her sister works the pre-care and after school care and is horrible. Most of the time she sits with her college work or is readinga book . My son recently was being hurt physically by another child in after school care, and I complained to the director and principle. Next day my son gets a note again, tnis time because I had forgoten to put his folder back in his backpack.
The art teacher sent my son to the principles office because another child claimed my son hit him. My son told her he didnt, she said I dont believe you. Why? becaue My son had come into art on 'orange' from his teacher for minor things, not raising his hand, not standing at attention in line. The other child is always on 'green'. When I asked the principle to question the rt teacher and requestd a meeting, she made excuses and said she may be having surgery.
I now am meeting with the principle, teacher and counselor and asked the art teacher be there as well.
I also requested all the teachers my son comes into contact with fill out the questionaire the perdiatrician asked to determine if my son may have ADHD.
I asked my son today if any of his teachers, art, library,music computers ever say nice things or good job. He said no, I asked how does that make you feel, he said sad.
Oh yes, the lucnh cashier made my son cry twice, for taking his money I gave him for a snack ( I pay his lunch and breakfast every month) and telling him 'he has a balance'! A six year old has a balance. I complained to the principle, and yet it happened again.
I I have written the schoolmboard, and feel I need an attorney to file a case
Has anyone had success with going to an attorney or school borad. They have damaged my son's self esteem , and demotivated a bright kind kid, who had nothing more then a little ADD..
I do have experiences with school boards and attorneys - and frankly, I think that your could use your money and your time in better ways.
The truth is that if your child does have ADHD - its difficult for even an experienced teacher to work with them. However, it can be successfully done! But a "young, inexperienced and was brought on to handle the overflow of kindergarten" teacher does not have much of a chance. The out of date discipline system she is using is another example of this. It will work with some kids, but never with a child with ADHD. I imagine it was the best the other teacher or principal could do to help her.
Kindergarten is a really tough level to teach. The kids need to move and to be doing different activities about every 15 min. There is just no way for a new teacher to have that kind of class management skills (unless, she is following exactly what one of the older teachers are doing).
Unfortunately, their incompetence is not helping your child. But its also not illegal.
If you intend to stay at this school - given the power structure that you have mentioned - then your best chance of helping your child is to try and work with them.
I would suggest that you learn all you can about ADHD and start to educate the teachers about it. If he is diagnosed with either that or ADD, then you will have legal rights and the ability to do a lot more.
I suggest you check out this link - http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/what/WWK1. Or here for ADD - http://www.help4adhd.org/about/what/WWK8 . You will find the resources to help you.
Also I am also the CL on the ADHD forum here- http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175. The book I recommend the most for parents is - "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley.
Finally, what you are going through is not unusual. I have witnessed teachers doing this to kids for more then 30 years. Its just sad that it still is going on. But, I really do think that you will do more for your child at this point by trying to help them help him. Please post here or over on the ADHD site you have any more questions or need more resources. good Luck!!
I served more than 200 kids in my 5 years as a Pre-K teacher. My wife is a School Psychologist, I am very familiar with the topic.
From what you are prescribing, it seems that you have a very nice little girl.
I don't think your she needs an evaluation.
This is what I think:
Your daughter was used to the previous caregiver teaching style, and now she needs to get used to a different environment. Notice that she went to daycare for most of her life. Imagine you switching jobs after 30 years in one company. She doesn't comprehend the differences of both settings just yet. It will take her some more time to get use tho the new routines, rules and expectations.
It doesn't seem like she has a condition, since you mention she didn't raised any red flags before. Very often we get worried for all the things we see/ear about disabilities and syndromes. A piece of advise, don't listen to any one who is not a professional and come talking about ADHD or any other disability. Would you let a interior designer give you car repair advise? There are tons of people misinformed about Special Ed (specially teachers)
She will be fine, it just take some time for both her and her teacher to get to know each other. I imagine the ratio of student the teacher is dealing with now is higher than the daycare. As a teacher, it takes months to get to really know all your students and develop individualized strategies to address all their needs. In fact the first weeks are an struggle since many students are going throughout so many adaptation issues that you simple can't comfort everybody.
You as a parent, work on establishing a relations ship with the teacher and partner with her to support her at home. Talk to your daughter and find out how is she coping with the changes. Show her few SIMPLE strategies to deal with things like paying attention, or focusing on her job. The consequences you are implementing at home not necessary effective since removing her electronics don't help her get better at whatever she is doing at school.
What is going to help her is giving her tools to address specific behaviors. Focus on ONE behavior, give her ONE SIMPLE strategy to deal with it, follow up with it until she master it. Once is under control, go to the next. Don't punish her for something she simply doesn't know how to do. She eventually will get it.
Check out this video of a Psychologist training teachers: http://youtu.be/X1wRkd7c6lA
HI Edwin, welcome to the forum. You make some excellent points. I hope we hear more from you! I have only one question. I can't figure out who you are writing too. There is no "concern mom" listed above? ? ?
I am going through this right now too. My 5 yr old boy is having behavioral issues at school. He turned 5 the first day of school. He was in daycare since 1 yr old and continued through Pre-K. My husband ( his stepdad) and I both have been trying to do all we know how to approach this behavior. The teacher complains that he can't stay still in his seat and gets very stubborn at times. She also states that he gets very upset and loud when he knows he will not get all of his stars; which is a reward system she uses. Although he has these behaviors at school, he is very smart. She praises the fact that he is the youngest in the class but doing much better than some of his older peers with his classwork. I have gone out to the school several times but when I leave the behavior usually happens again. I would like to do unannounced visits but the school has a policy where you have to notify the teacher. I understand it is for security reasons but i also feel like I could get a better understanding of what is going on if I just pop up and watch him. I am not gone give up on him every...but it is very frustrating knowing that I have taught good behavior but he is not reflecting it at school. He did express to me that he feels lonely @ school and that he only has one friend. This makes me sad but I do know he is so smart that he can say things like that to distract from what he has done. Open to any advice from others that have dealt with these issues before.
He is young and intelligent. I would expect him to be better than his peers in classwork and not so good in behavior. Especially when the discipline system seems based on rewards rather then immediate consequences.
Kind of think that the teacher is a least part of the problem. How long does the teacher expect the kids to sit still in their seats? Also curious if this is a relatively young teacher or a much older experienced one or?
You do have to think about his age and what that will mean in later years. If he turned 5 on the first day of school, he is the youngest child in his class. That means that he will probably be the youngest person in his class all the way through high school. Which has some definite disadvantages. So this is something to think about.
I would continue to get permission to visit the school. See if the teacher immediately corrects him when he has a problem. Watch how the other kids are doing after a while in their seats. Watch how often the teacher switches topics and lets the kids move. I would also use your time to observe the first grade classes and see how those teachers work with kids. And if, there are two kindergarten classes, I would watch and see if the teaching methods differ.
The one thing I do know for sure is that at this age, you cannot punish him at home for bad behavior in school. Consequences have to be immediate (and short). You can work with him at home to model the right behavior. You might try getting some books like "Know and follow rules" found here (along with others) http://www.amazon.com/Follow-Rules-Cheri-Meiners-M-Ed/dp/1575421305/ref=pd_sim_b_5
Then read together and practice what the book says.
Hope some of this helps.
My daughter is in one of the best schools and she is 5 years old too. Last year in her nursery class or prior to that in her playhouse she never had any issue with her behaviour or any other things. This year in her Kindergarten I am facing lots of problem with her. her class teacher and junior school coordinator keeps on calling me at twice each week. She is very talkative, she is talking like an adult almost. She talks so much that whatever we discuss at our home she shares the same with her friends and teachers. She is quite good in her studies. She goes to dance, piano and drawing classes but still her behaviour doesn't change. Otherwise she is a very intelligent, caring, humorous, playful normal human being. Her this problem is coming from her school only not from any other places. I am totally at my wit's end and I do not know how can I make her talk less.Sometimes she talks so much that she ends up creating more trouble for herself. Please help.
I am so glad I found this site...I have a 5 year old daughter who started Kindergarten this year and she has had a tough time so far. She is a very active child so sitting still and focusing is an issue, but the big problem that has surprised me the most is talking back to the teacher and being disrespectful. This behaviour does not happen at home and we run a VERY tight ship when it comes to respect and not talking back. I take away TV and other rights and the behaviour gets much better the next day, but if I forget to "threaten" to take away stuff on a given day, she has a terrible day at school. I just hate the thought that if I don't threaten her she can't act like a reasonable 5 year old (ok to be active, ok to have difficulty focusing, but absolutely no disrespect to the teacher!). The teacher seems competent and emails me alot to give me a heads up on bad days so we can discuss at home but I can't figure out what else to do. Any thoughts?
Typically, I say at this age that taking away things at home really doesn't help much at school. The kids just don't do cause and effect over time that well. What is more helpful is to practice behavior at home that will carry over to school.
What I am wondering is if she gets a better nights sleep when you have taken away the tv, etc and thus she has a better day the next day. Lack of sleep really effects kids of this age. What do you think?
Also, I know of some books aimed at the 4 to 6 year olds that focus on behavior. Give me a feeling for some of the things she does and I will recommend a few specific ones to you. Hope this helps.
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