5yr old scared of school

My daughter is refusing to go to school she says she is afraid? I ask her why she either says I don't know or because of friends and she wont explain.  I think she is afraid of making friends if I try to talk about she gets mad.  She has always been happy but very much a loner and tends to play with younger or older kids not her own age.  She has mentioned situations about how kids say they don't like her or are mean to her.  She is very bright and maybe on the perfectionistic side and wants to rule the play.  She also has a very imaginative side and always wants to play animals.  Recently she has started to be defiant but if you use the 1,2,3 method she will cooperate.  I also have a 20year old home for the summer until College starts and they are very close.  I think she may be getting the attitude behavior from her.  My question I guess is should I be concerned or just encourage her.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You will be on the right track by encouraging her. Do not pay an inordinate amount of attention to the matter, and in particular do not broach it yourself. If your daughter raises it, express curiosity and interest in her perceptions, and basically 'sound her out'. Try to stay away from offering opinions or reassurances. Your careful listening will be encouragement enough. Sometimes we think that if we listen seriously to our children's concerns, and then don't counter them with reassurances, we'll only be strengthening the point of view that worries us. In reality, sensitive and attentive listening is, most of the time, more helpful than a thousand words of reassurance.

[trina121806]

A related discussion, kid going to school was started.