5yr's potty training regressing...after moving

[stepmombecca]

Help! My husband recently moved out of state where his two children lived with thier mom. My husband gave daily care for the kids. Since his move his daughter had begun to have bowell movements at age 41/2 in her pants...when she is in our care during visits this does not occurr. we are very positive in having her use the toilet...her mom sends her in "pull UPs"..which we disagree...she has been sent from preschool to different daycare providers, sometimes three different places in a week..and staying also with her grandparents since my husbands diparture. This is very upsetting to us, but her mom will only blame it on my husband for leaving...she said she went to the Doctor for counciling but would not tell my husband where she was attending...it has been very ugly since he moved..he is not allowed to speak with his kids sometimes and the mother bad mouths him on the phone in front of the kids...we are very concerned about her...she is still having accidents and being sent home from school....she is now 5..how can we make this negitivity stop? I know she is fed alot of negitivity for she sometimes will not come to the phone for me....we miss and love them very much and will not give up speaking to them or seeing them, we have even had to take the mom to court to enforce his visitation....help!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

When your focus is on the behavior of someone else, in this instance the girl's mom, you cannot make that person change - it is simply not within your power. All you can do is put forth your best efforts at parenting when you are able, and enforce whatever orders have emanated from the court. With all the disruption that has occurred, it's no wonder the little girl has regressed - her world has been turned upside down. If you think she would be better off in your custody, approach the court about this. An alternative is to request that a guardian ad litem be appointed to evaluate the situation and make recommendations to the court.