6 year old and rage

[anicka]

My 6 yr old shows un controllable rage when he is upset with my discipline. He sometimes throws things, slams the door and screams in anger. I put him in his room to cool down and then I try to discuss his behavior and why he is there in the first place. I try to include him in the punishment choices, giving him options and his response is the only thing that will stop him from doing what he does if I let him do what he wants. He won't give me a realistic punishment, even if I give him choices. I tell him frequently how much I love him and make sure I hug him at the end of an episode and tell him again. I tell him he is not bad but his behavior choices are.

Often times he just doesn't think before he acts. He will break things for no apparent reason and has a callous attitude about it too. He just doesn't seem to care. I try to hold him accountable for his actions but it doesn't seem to be working He continues to do things that he knows are wrong. He has a 7 yr old brother that he -I feel- maybe compares himself to in his mind, not verbally.

He has also looked me in the face and blatently lied.

I did not get complaints from his teacher in Kindergaten except a couple times when another child hit him.

My husband was a problem child and I am wondering if it could be genetic. He went through conseling when he was 10 and hated it and despised his parents for making him go. He doesn't want our son to go through that too. I want to get a handle on this before it is too late but I don't want to make the wrong decision either on sending him for counseling or not.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

On the home front, you're allowing your son too much of a say in disciplinary situations. The rules in the household should be clearly spelled out, and violations should receive consequences which are also clearly spelled out. Six-year-olds are in no position to be having a choice about punishments. It wll help if you increase the structure by achieving more certainty and clarity about the limits and the rewards/consequnces that pertain to them. Relative to the need for treatment, it will certainly be prudent to seek an evaluation by a professional. Part of such an evaluation focuses on whether there is a need for treatment. Your situation may be addressed simply by making some changes (as I've suggested above) in your behavior management repertoire. By the way, a useful resource for you would be Lynn Clark's book titled S.O.S.: Help for Parents. It will guide you in how to increase the structure and systematic nature of your behavior management.

[feeling guilty]

My son does the same things go to google.com and look up oppositional defiant disorder and what it leads to if not treated. I was also a problem child I went through counseling and hated it as a child. But now as an adult I realize it was for the best. Your husband just remembers how he felt then. Since when do children know what's best for them? They don't. Only as adults do you realize what your parents did when you were younger was right. It will also tell you that you might need counseling as well to learn how to deal with a problem child. It's not easy. Good luck.

[momothree]

My son, 7, was also raging when he didn't get his way or when something made him angry.  We suspected some problems and began therapy quickly as well as a behavior program.  After being diagnosed w/depression, he was started on a string of different meds.  After a few months, we saw no improvement and he was then diagnosed by a pediatrician w/Bipolar Disorder.  Another round of medication trials proved to be unsuccessful.  We did more research and we found a wonderful clinic that specialized in mood disorders.  I would encourage you to seek a professional that you trust very much.  The folks at the clinic have ruled out Bipolar Disorder for now.  Diagnosing this kind of behavior can be tricky as many childhood mood disorders present the same symptoms.  Before you agree to medication, make sure that you know everything you can about any medication that your child is put on. We were never comfortable with him being on some of the meds to treat Bipolar. We felt like we should have trusted our own instincts a little more in this area.

My son still gets mad, but after his time in a rigid behavior program, he is coping well with anger.  Good luck.

[britney]

Hi i also have a six year old boy he gpoes throw really bad rages also mosly with his younger brother which is 2 like he will puch him pull his hair took a glass bottle and hit him in the face with it my doctor says to seperate the 2 of them and not let them play together so i don,t no what else to do he tell me he hates me when he mad at me and hes into lying he says i don,t love him when when i get anger at him.

[momof3girls71013]

A related discussion, Rages-headaches- was started.

[SuperNana2]

A related discussion, Explosive Temper was started.