Aa
6 year old has no friends
I am totally desperate. I love my son more than anything but his behavior is deplorable. He has no social skills; he crashes into kids, tackles them, smells their hair, and has NO idea how to carry on a conversation. He is academically gifted-reading at a 3rd+ grade level and in 1st grade math (he is in kindergarten). However, he has zero friends and is not being invited to parties, etc.
He was treated for sensory perception disorder from age three until age five with brushing and joint compressions. I am at the end of my rope. The other kids at school are making him do things that get him into trouble and he says he wants to be their friend. How do I make him understand they don't respect him? I have been to tears over this and am desperate for help!
He is a sweet boy but is desperate for a friend.
He was treated for sensory perception disorder from age three until age five with brushing and joint compressions. I am at the end of my rope. The other kids at school are making him do things that get him into trouble and he says he wants to be their friend. How do I make him understand they don't respect him? I have been to tears over this and am desperate for help!
He is a sweet boy but is desperate for a friend.
Hi. My son has sensory integration disorder, diagnosed at 4 and is now 7. He too had difficulty with social skills and friends. It has been one of the painful struggles in helping him.
First, your son sounds like a sensory seeker, which mine is also. Important to understand about sensory intergation disorder is that it is a developmental delay. This means that a child does not outgrow it but it changes as time goes on. Their brains are wired slightly different and we as parents find ways to help them cope and be successful.
I'm wondering what kind of work they did with your son in occupational therapy beyond the brushing protocol and such. Did he use their play gym and work on nervous system input? So important with a sensory seeker. We still do ot once weekly but the majority of my son's 'therapy' comes from home in the activities that we do. If you can no longer do occupational therapy-------- there is a website that I would go to called "sensory processing disorder-- spd" (not too creative . . . but a good site none the less). Google this and look up sensory seeking. And what I really want you to google is "heavy work" within that site. What they call "heavy work" is the key to controlling sensory. It is basically physical activity that soothes the nervous system. Issues my son has with 'crashing', 'tackling', impulse control, etc. are so much better if my boy has had a lot of heavy work. Examples of heavy work aren't work at all but total fun play and activities kids enjoy. Heavy work ideas-------- a thick piece of bubble gum before school (yep, totally calms the nervous system), jumping on a trampoline, kicking a soccer ball, blowing bubbles, swimming (the perfect sensory sport with a combination of deep pressure and weight resistance), hitting wooden nails into a child's cobblestone toy, wack a mole (the game), running or marching on pavement, climbing of any sort, hanging off of monkey bars, rolling down a hill and running back up, swinging, crab walks , leap frog, etc.
Your son needs a rich diet of these activities in order to maintain his sensory. He'll do better in school and with friends if you do a lot of this and every day.
Social skills are something you can teach them step by step when it does not come naturally. Play a game with your son by getting a hoola hoop or a swim circle float. Put it around him and then try to get in. He'll laugh because it is too close. So this visually illustrates space. He needs to stay this distance from his friends. We also did robot arms. Put your arms out and walk like a robot (arms straight out). Then have him do it. Then both stop when you get robot arms away from each other. So--------- another illustration of not getting closer than robot arms to our friends. (refer to all kids as his friends). Dad-------- tackle and wrestle with him at home. Let him get this impulse out (which sensory kids really do have) so he isn't tempted to do it with friends. Another way to create the same thing is to have him lay face down on the floor and take couch cushions and pillows and push them on him. Do this before school, before bed, etc. Or you could get a large blow up ball like an exercise ball and put it between you. Have him push as hard as he can against it ---- you as the resistence. Our ball is kind of squishy and our son squishes into it as he pushes. Bean bags are good as well.
Anyway, other things like voice volume and tone can all be worked on with games and let me know if you need help with that. Conversations skills can be talk such as eye contact, facing who you are talking about, taking turns speaking, listening to the other person.
Put your son in some activities and get to know the other parents and kids. Then setting up playdates is easier. Or if he has anyone at school that remotely needs a friend, set up a play date. I've called strangers out of our directory that my son has said he had fun with at recess one day and asked for a play date.
And oversocializing is now your goal. You want to invite another child to your house for a one on one playdate. You stay close by and help whenever necessary. Keep it at 2 hours max and--------- think in terms of kids. I keep my eye out for what kids are into. If Batman Brave and the Bold is all the rage-------- my kid knows about it, has watched the cartoon, and maybe has a toy of it. He's "in the know" for what kids are into. We have things at our house that kids generally like such as 'stomp rockets', playdoh, etc. I always have an excellent snack for the kids who come over. I make the whole thing enticing and stay close by to help my son along with the play date. Meeting another parent and their child at the park is also a good thing to do. But you need to set these things up and as many as possible to help him practice his skills.
My son did social skills summer camp a couple of years ago when he was 5. It was AWESOME. It was run through an OT's office and it had about 6 kids with all different reasons for being there but who wanted to make friends and improve social skills. It had a pirate theme and my son loved it! Look for these. Call your old ot's office, ask the school counselor, google. I've seen about 8 different social skills groups lately in my area -------so they are not unusual.
Also, schools know that some kids struggle. Our school will try to help kids. I'd talk to your son's teacher and counselor. We have something called "friends groups" run by the counselor in which she puts small groups together of kids that are looking to make friends and work on their social skills. She supervises.
These are just some ideas. Let me know what you think.
First, your son sounds like a sensory seeker, which mine is also. Important to understand about sensory intergation disorder is that it is a developmental delay. This means that a child does not outgrow it but it changes as time goes on. Their brains are wired slightly different and we as parents find ways to help them cope and be successful.
I'm wondering what kind of work they did with your son in occupational therapy beyond the brushing protocol and such. Did he use their play gym and work on nervous system input? So important with a sensory seeker. We still do ot once weekly but the majority of my son's 'therapy' comes from home in the activities that we do. If you can no longer do occupational therapy-------- there is a website that I would go to called "sensory processing disorder-- spd" (not too creative . . . but a good site none the less). Google this and look up sensory seeking. And what I really want you to google is "heavy work" within that site. What they call "heavy work" is the key to controlling sensory. It is basically physical activity that soothes the nervous system. Issues my son has with 'crashing', 'tackling', impulse control, etc. are so much better if my boy has had a lot of heavy work. Examples of heavy work aren't work at all but total fun play and activities kids enjoy. Heavy work ideas-------- a thick piece of bubble gum before school (yep, totally calms the nervous system), jumping on a trampoline, kicking a soccer ball, blowing bubbles, swimming (the perfect sensory sport with a combination of deep pressure and weight resistance), hitting wooden nails into a child's cobblestone toy, wack a mole (the game), running or marching on pavement, climbing of any sort, hanging off of monkey bars, rolling down a hill and running back up, swinging, crab walks , leap frog, etc.
Your son needs a rich diet of these activities in order to maintain his sensory. He'll do better in school and with friends if you do a lot of this and every day.
Social skills are something you can teach them step by step when it does not come naturally. Play a game with your son by getting a hoola hoop or a swim circle float. Put it around him and then try to get in. He'll laugh because it is too close. So this visually illustrates space. He needs to stay this distance from his friends. We also did robot arms. Put your arms out and walk like a robot (arms straight out). Then have him do it. Then both stop when you get robot arms away from each other. So--------- another illustration of not getting closer than robot arms to our friends. (refer to all kids as his friends). Dad-------- tackle and wrestle with him at home. Let him get this impulse out (which sensory kids really do have) so he isn't tempted to do it with friends. Another way to create the same thing is to have him lay face down on the floor and take couch cushions and pillows and push them on him. Do this before school, before bed, etc. Or you could get a large blow up ball like an exercise ball and put it between you. Have him push as hard as he can against it ---- you as the resistence. Our ball is kind of squishy and our son squishes into it as he pushes. Bean bags are good as well.
Anyway, other things like voice volume and tone can all be worked on with games and let me know if you need help with that. Conversations skills can be talk such as eye contact, facing who you are talking about, taking turns speaking, listening to the other person.
Put your son in some activities and get to know the other parents and kids. Then setting up playdates is easier. Or if he has anyone at school that remotely needs a friend, set up a play date. I've called strangers out of our directory that my son has said he had fun with at recess one day and asked for a play date.
And oversocializing is now your goal. You want to invite another child to your house for a one on one playdate. You stay close by and help whenever necessary. Keep it at 2 hours max and--------- think in terms of kids. I keep my eye out for what kids are into. If Batman Brave and the Bold is all the rage-------- my kid knows about it, has watched the cartoon, and maybe has a toy of it. He's "in the know" for what kids are into. We have things at our house that kids generally like such as 'stomp rockets', playdoh, etc. I always have an excellent snack for the kids who come over. I make the whole thing enticing and stay close by to help my son along with the play date. Meeting another parent and their child at the park is also a good thing to do. But you need to set these things up and as many as possible to help him practice his skills.
My son did social skills summer camp a couple of years ago when he was 5. It was AWESOME. It was run through an OT's office and it had about 6 kids with all different reasons for being there but who wanted to make friends and improve social skills. It had a pirate theme and my son loved it! Look for these. Call your old ot's office, ask the school counselor, google. I've seen about 8 different social skills groups lately in my area -------so they are not unusual.
Also, schools know that some kids struggle. Our school will try to help kids. I'd talk to your son's teacher and counselor. We have something called "friends groups" run by the counselor in which she puts small groups together of kids that are looking to make friends and work on their social skills. She supervises.
These are just some ideas. Let me know what you think.
Our child suffered from severe anxiety and when she began to interact with her peers (at about age 7), her social skills were non-existent. So, an art therapist was hired to "coach" her on social behaviours. This person taught her skills prior to lunch and/or recess and then observed while she practised these skills in the school yard. After the break, the art therapist debriefed her on both the good and the wrong. The therapist was at school about two days a week (usually one hour in the afternoon)and our child blossomed during this time. If anything, the services were too short. She used drawings and puppets and art in order to teach social skills.
Does your school offer any such help? If not, could you afford to bring someone into the school (provided you received permission to do so) to help your son learn social skills. Some of our children require a lot of help in learning mathematical or reading skills; some require help in social skills. We're all different, aren't we? All the best ...
Does your school offer any such help? If not, could you afford to bring someone into the school (provided you received permission to do so) to help your son learn social skills. Some of our children require a lot of help in learning mathematical or reading skills; some require help in social skills. We're all different, aren't we? All the best ...
COMMUNITY LEADER
Why did he stop getting treated for SID? Specialmom who posts regularly on this forum works with her child every day at home to help him with his SID. Its not something that just magically goes away. There are a ton of activities that can be done beside brushing and joint compressions and I think that the most important ones are done at home. Scroll down and look for some of her posts and you will see long lists of things that you can do for him.
Also there are a whole series of books in the Best Behavior series that might prove helpful to read and discuss with him. They are aimed at the 4 to 7 year old child. This link will get you started - http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775.
If you have trouble finding some of Specialmom's specific posts - post back and I will locate some for you or have her post you. Best wishes.
Also there are a whole series of books in the Best Behavior series that might prove helpful to read and discuss with him. They are aimed at the 4 to 7 year old child. This link will get you started - http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775.
If you have trouble finding some of Specialmom's specific posts - post back and I will locate some for you or have her post you. Best wishes.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Community
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments
