6 year old has tantrums over clothing

I found this forum by googling "extreme sensitivity to clothing" as my daughter has had this for some time now. Pretty much since she was about 2 1/2. From one week to the next, or even one day to the next- she can't seem to tolerate different items of her wardrobe. And when she decides she likes something, she wants to wear it every single day, and claims that everything else "itches". It's also a nightmare trying to get her to try any new clothing, even if it is exactly like the old. She wears a uniform for school (we're in the UK) and complained that her dresses were too small, so I bought the next size up, now those are too big and we're back to the old. Also her shoes have to be super super tight. Same with her seatbelt in the car-super tight. We have to cut out the tags, she can't tolerate wearing socks one week, or tights the next. She has an absolute meltdown if her favourite clothing item of the moment is dirty and can't be worn.

I don't know if this is related, but she is also extremely picky about food. As well, when I run her bath the water can be pretty cool to me (also her little brother has just gotten out of the same water) and she thinks it is too hot. But then the same water later feels too cold? We have issues with brushing her hair as well, no matter how careful I try to be, you would think I am literally pulling her hair out by the way she acts.

She is nearly 7, and I don't remember acting up like this as a child- it doesn't seem normal. We are consistent with our discipline, so I don't think it's that she is spoiled, although I could be wrong. Is my daughter just a brat or does she have some other sort of problem??

[meniere135]

I would almost describe my now 14 year old daughter as you describe your child.  My daughter was like that since she was an infant.  As a baby, my daughter slept (since birth) 12 hours straight a night.  I thought this was strange since she was breast fed (they feed a lot in infancy).  Another thing she always had - she was squirmy much of the time - she looked like she needed to stretch and seemed uncomfortable in her own skin much of the time.  She was either happy or miserable - no in between.  Always a picky eater.  Temper tantrums that seemed more from extreme irritability than from wanting her way.  My daughter always had the head sensitivity also when getting her hair brushed - she said her scalp hurts when I brush it (I'm being gentle too).  She always had allergic shiners (circles under her eyes) - pale complexion.  My mother instinct told me she lacked whatever it is that keeps people feeling calm and peaceful.  I knew it wasn't simply a spoiled child thing.  

Several years ago I tried her on a gluten free diet - what a change in personality (much more pleasant - like 98% more pleasant).  She wasn't easily upset anymore, her skin tone improved.  Her behavior was much more appropriate.  Her scalp sensitivity went away, etc. etc.  She wouldn't stick with the diet though.  But just this past week, we started it again and again, she is much improved.  She told me she has a lot more energy, her itchy, red, and dandruffy head went away (that started just the past year) and now she is sleeping much more calmly (she always had nightmares since she was little).  She still has her dark circles - allergist suggested a milk free diet - she won't do that diet though.  I hope this helps you - maybe check into food problems.  Oh, and she also was a picky, picky eater.  She's better on the gluten free diet.  Have hope.  Food is a powerful thing.   Of course, it's possible it could be a behavior issue - but this is something to consider also.  Hang in there!  Isn't parenting fun :0)

[specialmom]

Oh yes, I know of what you speak very well.  Please google sensory integration disorder and tactile defensiveness.  My son is on the list of kids that deal with this.  It is a real issue and not to be underestimated for how uncomfortable it can make a child.  My son has an issue with wearing socks and would go crazy if I ever tried to make him wear a tutle neck or something itchy up by his neck.  No tags either!  Some kids refuse to wear short sleeves or will only wear short sleeves.  They almost have a "fight or flight" base level response to the way some things feel.

Eating is absolutely part of it.  Textures and temperatures play into this.  My son is a picky eater as well.  Hair brushing can be tough on my kid and washing his face isn't his favorite activity either.  When he was 3, washing his hands could cause a meltdown in preschool.  Heaven forbid if his shirt got a bit wet too!  

Sensory has many different aspects to it.  Tactile defensiveness can be all that troubles a child or there could be other things.  My son had difficulty with handwriting.  He would avoid it completely and when forced to do it, didn't like it one bit.  My son also is a sensory seeker in that he is constant motion.  He played roughly, talked loudly (no volume control),  was impulsive and didn't make the safest choices.  Sensory avoiders would do the opposite of him.  Kids can possess traits of both categories just to make it extra confusing!  Social skills can also suffer a bit with sensory kids.  They can be a bit volatile (or a lot) and don't self soothe very well.

My son showed signs of this at 2.5 as well but wasn't diagnosed until 4.  An occupational therapist diagnosed him and he does occupational therapy.  He is now 7 and is doing fantastic.  I  mean FANTASTIC!  His tactile sensitivity is almost gone and was early on.  They do this brushing protocol that I can explain to you if you would like.  And working on the nervous system overall helps a child to stay regulated and tolerate the things on their skin that bother them better.  Also part of ot is strategizing on things to help the situation.  For example, well----------- my son just doesn't wear turtlenecks and I have no reason to make him.  He doesn't complain about 99% of his clothes but I also buy things that he tolerates well.  If there is a shirt your daughter likes, for example, buy a couple in different colors.  My son doesn't complain about wearing his socks with his shoes--------- but at home he is always barefoot.  So, making some adjustments help him deal with it

I've been throwing myself into making my son's sensory issues better for 3 years now and have many ideas.  I'm happy to share if you are interested.  But google sensory first and see what you think.  good luck

[kittykat1974]

Thanks so much for the responses! I will indeed look into food being a possibility, as well as have someone try to diagnose her. It's encouraging to know that perhaps we aren't just bad parents, and that others have had these issues with their children as well.

[RockRose]

I agree with specialmom.  One of my best friends has 3 kids - now teenagers - with sensory integration disorder,  and it's difficult.

The brushing technique (and binding,  actually,  that's pioneered by Temple Grandin) worked great for her kids.  It sounds like your daughter is already trying to "bind" with shoes and seatbelts.

[RockRose]

A thought on "binding"  - check out underarmour clothing.  It's sports underwear, comes in long sleeve tee-shirts and bicycle shorts type underwear called "compression" shorts,  meant for underwear.   You might have to buy it in the boy's section of the store,  but it comes in white,  so that's fine.  Also long underwear that's a size too small is good.

[specialmom]

Yes, and I wanted to mention as well that this has nothing to do with parenting.  This is within a child's nervous system if your daughter does indeed have sensory issues.  I think being empathetic to it is helpful and giving her choices to help her cope is key.

Another word for binding to add to what Rockrose wisely said is called "deep pressure".  This is very soothing and regulating to a child's nervous system.  Some kids crave this and seek it out.  Some easy ways to give it include swimming (the water provides the deep pressure to the muscles and joints), having her lay face down on the floor and playing a game such as "sandwich" in which you start placing pillows over her and gently press as you add each one.  My son loves this and the more pressure the better.  Another thing to do is what we call steam roller--------- get a big ball (we use an exercise ball) and again, have her lay face down on the floor and press and roll the ball up and down her calling it a steam roller (like the truck).  Very calming.  You can have her sit on your lap (if she still fits!) and squeeze her tight.  And you can teach her to give herself a hug when at school.  My son is funny-------- he loves this and responds well to it but can also resist touch at times.  I read his cues on these things.  

But you are a good parent because you are noticing things regarding your child and want to help verses ignoring them and just being mad about it.  So good job mom!

[kittykat1974]

I looked up a little on the brushing technique- do you think it would work to use a soft hairbrush? Maybe we'll also give the pillow-pressure thing a go tonight as well. I know that she really likes having her back & neck rubbed/scratched. (but then, don't we all? :)
Another thing, not sure if it's related- but from time to time she has these immense "pains" in her legs, without obvious cause. We've assumed it was growing pains and gave her some ibuprofen, but could it be a sensory thing as well?

We had another issue about socks today- finally gave in that she could wear her ugg-like boots with out socks...just hate the idea of wearing normal shoes without socks!

We already have an appointment with a specialist later this month to test her for dyslexia, as she has pretty bad handwriting and is generally behind her class in reading/math. Would someone knowledgeable about learning disorders also know about sensory disorders?

[specialmom]

Hm.  Most likely they would know some things but it is an occupational therapist that you see for sensory and that is who diagnosis it.  My son also had difficulty with handwriting-------------  very common with sensory kids.  It is part of the sensory system that is called "motor planning" and even a mild little issue can make writing hard.  Our occupational therapist worked on this and we no longer have an issue.  They do lots of things to make it easier for a child and get them up to speed.  It also helps their overall self esteem when this gets better as well.  They will introduce pencil grips for her, activities to strengthen core muscles, an angled writer which helps a lot of kids as well as writing programs that are super helpful.  They also do things to make it fun as almost everything in occupational therapy is presented like a game or if it is more work related comes right after a fun game.  (kids LOVE occupational therapy).  We used the "hand writing without tears" program and it is excellent.  My son has no issues with handwriting now whatsoever from his grip, his willingness to do it to how it looks.

Now the brushing is something that I need to look up the name for you to google.  It is done in a certain way and must follow the protocol.  They actually use a soft surgical brush (kind of what you get when you are at the hospital to brush your baby's hair)----  and you brush very quickly both arms and hands, brush legs and feet, and then back either above or below the shirt.  Never do the stomach.  And then the brushing is followed by joint compressions.  We called them "pushes".  The whole thing takes about 4 minutes.  It's fast and you do it every couple of hours.  But before doing it, I'd google it.  I need to go through and remember the name--------  it was the W (I think it started with a W) protocol.  I actually got a brush on ebay with instructions right before we started occupational therapy.  I didn't use it because we got in quickly to the OT and their brush was a bit softer and they taught me how to do it--------- but you can get the whole shebang on ebay.  I'd try the deep pressure first and you can start that now.  

Don't worry about the socks and shoes.  She is actually doing what her nervous system says is comfortable for her and eventually this will get better.  My son has very few tactile issues now and the ones he has, I can live with.  We all have our "things" that bug us.  We just cope better than a sensory kid.  So give her the tools to cope and you'll see an improvement.  

Learning disabilities and sensory are common.  She may have visual sensory issues and if she has trouble with motor planning which is how the brain organizes and processes things ----------  it could play  a role in the reading/writing issues as well.

I don't know about the leg pains.  We've not had that (yet . .. LOL).  But a sensory kid feels everything more-------- they can be hypersensitive and they don't handle it well.  So her reaction could be a sensory reaction to real pain.