6 year old playing sexually with others

[tiffanylynn]

It started when i saw my 6 year old son and his 5 year old friend playing "you be the girl and ill be the boy".  They seemed to be getting on top of one another  clothed hugging and kissing (a few pecks), nothing that i didnt do at a young age.  I was stunned but I casually asked the boys what they were up to, like i did not know what was going on, and then told them to come play in the livingroom (so that i could keep a closer eye on them).  I later had a discussion with my own son, at first teasing him about playing house with another boy and casually saying that he should not be doing that.  Thinking that catching him was enough for him to not do it again.

I then went to speak with the other boys parents to make them aware of the situation.  I thought that since i told the parents (in front of my child) that it would not happen again because of embarrassement.  

I left it at that and then it happened again with a different boy, now walking into his bedroom and seeing his (my sons) pants down with a hard on.  I told my son and his friend to come out of the bedroom and to play elsewhere (where i can again see him).  

Later that evening i had a talk with my son saying that it is inappropriate behavior to show others your private parts- that they are only for "you" to see and not to share with others until you become an adult.  I also asked my son if he has ever been touched by an adult and explained to him that he could tell me at any time and so on.  I also asked if he saw something on television, or maybe saw mommy... he answered a believable "no" to all questions.  I left the conversation feeling like he understood.  

It happened once again and i restricted him from one of his games for punishment and also not allowing friends into his bedroom anymore.  It happened 2 more times then again today.  Tonight i told him if i caught him again i would have to tell his friends parents.  I also reminded him that it is ok to be curious and that mommy was once curious and that "my" parents told me that it was inappropriate at such a young age.  He responded "you did???" I had his attention.

I have called my parents, friends parents, and others and no one seems to know what i should do except to not punish and just to let him be and when i catch him to casually tell him to stop and let it be.  

Obviously, I have felt that I have done everything correctly and I am very concerned with what my son may be going through.  I am almost positive that he has not seen me in the act,  been abused by someone, or watched anything but cartoon network.  I am a work at home mom and my son plays here with his friends.

I was curious when i was 8 and did something with a same aged female but it only happened once.  I do not know why my son "always thinks bad thoughts" as he says and "i can't get these thoughts out of my head"

I feel this may be a problem and before going to a doctor of any kind i ran into this on the internet.

I hope you can help,
Thank you.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You are correct in setting a firm limit on the behavior, and exercising close supervision. Children so young should not be playing away from adult supervision. Now, sometimes sexualized sorts of play are stimulated by exposure to behavior that would not normally occur to children. When your son mentions 'bad thoughts', ask him about those. What are the thoughts? While it naturally occurs to young children to be curious about each other's genitals, it does not automatically occur to them to simulate sexual acts. They learn those from exposure of some sort: witnessing adults, viewing pictures or movies, being introduced to the behavior by peers, etc. So be careful to monitor your son.

[tiffanylynn]

Thanks for the advice but i feel as if you are telling me i should keep a closer eye on my child.  He has always been 1 room away and if i werent watching him i would have never caught him doing this.  I have never heard a case to where this has happened so frequently especially after the "talks".  He has always been a good listener and with other disciplinary acts, has learned and listened from it, except this.

Is this normal behavior for a child? Should i have this looked into further.

My son explains the "bad thoughts" as when he walked into my room and witnessed a scene from the movie destination 2, when a wire split through someones neck and the head fell off.  I of course do not let my son watch such movies and ordered him out but his timing for coming in was right on the nose for this scene.  (he was supposed to be in bed) .  Now what does this have to do with wanting to see other childrens genitals?  He has mentioned this explaination for "bad thoughts" a few times... i just do not get it.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It's probable that the 'bad thoughts' your son articulated have nothin to do with the behavior in question. It is common for children, when asked about behavior, to offer some rationale, but often there is really no association between the motivation they articulate and the actual behavior.

What were the circumstances of the most recent examples to which you referred? It is worrisome that so many episodes occurred in such short order. It would be prudent to arrange for an evaluation, not so much because your son has engaged in this type of behavior, but rather because of the number and frequency of the episodes, even after you set the limit which you sensibly did.