6 year old who fears competition/getting hurt

[rcham]

My 6-year old son (only child) exhibits a behavior that concerns me.  My husband doesn't see a problem at this age, but  I would like to know what we should do, if anything to help him gain confidence to try new things.

My son gives up or never tries things that involve the possibility of getting hurt or loosing.  He has never played in the McDonalds tunnels (play structure) when other children are present. He's perfectly happy to eat and leave without even asking to play. He gave up baseball at 5 when he fell at second base.  He won't ride his bike because he fell off it one time.  He loves to swim, but a horsefly bothered him one time and he never wants to swim again.  He begged to go down this inflatable water slide and on the third time, he got a small "boo-boo".  I had paid $10 so I made him ride it 3 more times, all the while he was crying because he didn't want to ride it anymore.  He was playing chase at school and bumped heads with someone and hasn't played again.  These are just a few examples.  He basically won't try anything that is competitive or risks the slightest chance of getting hurt.


Of course we insist he swim, but every time he mentions the horsefly, so we "spray" for bugs so he'll feel safe.  We haven't made him play sports again or push him to ride his bike and at school he usually doesn't participate in competitive things.  Is this fear something he will grow out of, do we force him into doing more things he is afraid of, such as riding his bike, etc?  I don't believe in being so competitive like some parents with the soccer/baseball private lessons, etc. but he is getting very behind his peers in areas of competition.  I don't see him ever getting into sports simply because he is behind now and so self conscience.  

I want to see him try new things and like them.  He is so "safe" it concerns me that he won't take chances and learn new things.  Please advise how to address this behavior.  

Thank you!

[Cleveland Mom]

I agree with socgirl, you shouldn't force or push a child.  I relate alot with this post.  My just-turned 5 year old son is very strong-willed and on the cautious side. He will try almost no new activites and the same goes for new foods.  A year ago, I sat in envy while all the other preschool kids were going on bike rides with their moms following behind pushing their little ones in their strollers.  My son could ride his tricycle but just a couple of minutes at the most around our driveway.

A couple of months ago, he got out the little, red two wheeler with training wheels I bought for him this winter.  He got on it and drove it around the block.  Now he likes to ride it a couple of times a day on a special route to see a water fountain.  We clocked his favorite ride and its over a mile!  Big difference from riding around in the driveway a year ago!  

I still get frustrated when he won't try the cherries we bought at the store, or when he doesn't want to try to play sports etc. but I think about his little red bike and how far he has come from last year, literally.

Lots of kids are cautious, like your son and my son.  Its not a bad thing, it just means that they are thinking and weighing risks.  Later on his tendency to favor caution over impulsivity may be a real asset.  At 6, your son is quite young in the scheme of things and he's got alot of developing to do.  He is not at all behind in sports at 6.  All kids develop at different rates and paces by age 9, under normal circumstances things are pretty even.  At 6 there is alot of variation in terms of physical, social and emotional development.  So what he isn't doing now, he may very well be doing before you know it.  

I think the best think you can do, from experience is to adopt an easy-going manner about this matter.  Offer him opportunities to try new things and experience if he refuses well, then ok, no big deal.  Don't feed into any complaining or overly emotional behavior.  Just say:  "Well, you don't want to try skating i.e., thats ok maybe another time.  Don't try to make an argument or a case for why he shouldn't be afraid or why he should try something.  Try yourself not to be stressed or worried about this matter because your son will pick up on your anxiety and it could make matters worse.  Best wishes...

[socgirl]

I wouldn't "force" him to do anything he doesn't feel comfortable doing.  Chances are, it's a phase and he may grow out of it.  Have you tried modeling certain behaviors?  For example, do you and your husband ride bikes,etc?  If you do, maybe suggest having a family bike ride and go as slow as he feels comfortable going and make sure he has all the gear that makes him safe (helmet, elbow pads, knee pads, etc).  Maybe if he can even pick out a really cool bike helmet or something.  Don't rush him and give him time.  Explain to him that if he doesn't want to partiiciapte, that's his choice, but he may be missing out.  My guess is he'll come around.  My older brother was the same way when he was 7.  He played baseball until he got hit in the face with the ball...after that he was terrified...and would cry everytime he had to go up to bat....eventually, he outgrew it and my parents were patient with him and didn't make him play ball until he felt ready.  It was the same thing with other sports for him...he got hurt in wrestling, football, etc and temporarily was afraid to participate...by the end of middle school, he pretty much outgrew his fears and he became a really good athlete.  so, give him some time.