6 year old who is sexually touching, and parents who blame others.

[Londonblue]

I have a concern, and need to know if it is valid. I used to take care of 2 children ages 3 (girl) and 6 (boy).This past April,  I found out the 6 year old boy was touching little girls. I had been caring for him since he was 3 and his sister was a baby.  I know kids play "doctor" and are curious, but I feel this is not the same thing. Maybe I am wrong, but I need feedback. Please! When this 6 year old was 4 (almost 5) his mother told me about walking into a room where her son (the 6year old boy) was having a playdate with a schoolmate who was female. The mother said, that her son had the little girls pants down to her ankles and the little girl had a uncomfortable face on. She then told me, that she had to have a talk with her son, about how that is innapropriate behavior and not to do that anymore. She also said to me, that she was afraid the little girl would go home and tell, prompting the parents to think "what kind of play dates are these?!" That being said, I was under the impression it had been handled, dealt with and was now over. This past April I had a strange feeling about a game the boy always wanted to play with my "daughter", so I asked him about it and told him he had to be honest with me, etc. He was honest, and sure enough it was a "privates" game with showing and touching. My "daughter" told me about what he did to her and that she only wanted to play with the little sister because "she doesn't play those kinda things!" She told me that he was always making her play this game.I asked her why she didn't tell me, and she said "she was afraid to", and she was "afraid the boy would get in trouble." I had the whole discussions with both seperatley about innapropriateness, you have to tell someone if someone/anyone is trying to touch you or does touch you etc. I thought I handled this situation extremely well for never dealing with it before. I know now, I made a big mistake for never telling this to the boy's mom about this situation when it happened in April, but I honestly thought it was just "curiosity" and that I didn't wanna stir up things that I thought were just kids being kids. Then it happened again, with other children and another adult present, the boy grabbed  my "daughter's" private, boldly without a care in the world and was trying to get my daughter to play "teenager". My "daughter" ran & yelled to me and told me what just happened, because even though I was right there, I had been looking away at the moment.  I looked at the boy and he said he "did'nt do it", my "daughter",extremely upset, shouted "you're lying!!" he then looked at me and said "Sorrrrry!"  I pulled his mother aside the next day, and calmly & caringly let her into what had happened in April and now again the day before. During my discussion with her, I made reference to what had happened previously with the schoolmate, and that maybe these talks, the boy was'nt really understanding that this is not appropriate. The mother then proceeds to tell me that it is her belief that the schoolmate was at fault for that incident. I was in shock with that statement. The weekend went by, and Monday when I arrived at her home she told me that her and her husband had a talk with him, and that my "daughter" needed to take part of the blame as well. Now, I don't think my "daughter's" perfect, nor do I make excuses for her behavior, but when this first happened the boy told me of his own free will, that he "started" the game and that he wanted my daughter to" play it with him."  He aplologized for it and so on. Ever since telling the mother this information though, she had been nothing but cold, sharp, condescending etc. with me. Utimately, I lost my job over this, shoot the messenger! I think this boy needs counceling, and the parents just want to sweep this under the rug and pretend this doesn't exist. They like to cast blame on others, and show their children to do the same. As I've thought about this, I even remember another boy play date that came over back in May, that was supposed to be at the home all day, He stayed only about an hour, before he wanted me to take him home. This boy was adament about going home! I remember calling the 6 year old's mom and she was in a panic over the phone, asking me if I knew why this child wanted to leave, If I could think of anything. I couldn't at the time, but now I think,  maybe he tried something with this boy when they went in the playroom and I was in the kitchen?. I dunno, but I ended up taking that little boy home, and he went into his house,& closed the door, with no explanation to his nanny, or me, and didn't so much as say goodbye to the 6 year old boy that I cared for. The 6 year olds mother also told me, that her husband tells the boy to go flash his teenage sister, and thinks that's funny!  The 6 year old himself told me he bit his Dad's butt and that it's "brown and hairy". He told me this at the end of June, right before I was terminated.  I dunno, I think somethings wrong here, either his parents are making him believe this stuff is funny, or there's a real problem here no one wants to except. The mother and father have an extremely volatile relationship, which does play out right in front of the 6 and 3 year old. Please, is this normal behavior, or am I reading more into this then there is??

[Britneyaf01]

My son is 6.so is my good friend "mary"s son. We caught the two of them in the closet today with their pants down! It was tooooi quiet and I webt back to his room to check on them and I heard then talkung un the closet!negotiating clothing! Im still in a state of shock awe and wtf? My first reaction was to snatch the closet open and beat my baby's butt. I fought that down walked back and got his mother and said "theyre gettin nekkid in the closet girl" ...... Her eyes got huge I thought she was going to blow a blood vessel in her head she went in there and got her sons @$$! I took my kid outside and asked him wth they were doing?! Whats going on in their little heads?! How can BOTH of them get 99% on their school test they just took and do such BONEHEAD KNUCKLHEAD crap like this...what was going on in yalls k.uckle heads? He tells me they wanted to see each others weewees cuz my son has never seen a brown one and her son hasnt seen a white one... So its not ALWAYS anything more than curiosity...thank gawd! Cuz these 2 boys are behavioral handfuls already without being sexually deviant too!

[david575042]

this is not normal if i were you i would do a little investigating like putting a secret video camera on the boy and then see the next day what happend. and then if there  is a problem maybe call the police.

[aid821]

And not only that your daughter was involved too, so it needs sorting out

[aid821]

Well done, i think you did your best at trying to sort out this situation as much as you could. You said you've looked after these kids from a very early age, perhaps (apart from your care) they have been ignored or left to do their own thing without much supervision and therefore this is where this inappropriate behaviour stems from?

You said the mother and father have a volatile relationship. This may be the way the boy is trying to assert power, as he sees this from his mum and dad. You can understand this behaviour happening once, but on a number of occasions, it's obvious he's trying to gain control over people by doing this sort of thing.

The truth of the matter is no parent likes to think that their son/daughter could be capable of this behaviour and it's a natural reaction to 'deny all' and blame other people, but i genuinely think you are a caring person so i'd keep at it, depending on your relationship witht he family. You never know, maybe one day she might just thank you

[91004]

It seems odd to me. I have 2 boys and they do not flash others. Nor would I ever tell them to. Now they have been known to just pull their pants down and pee whereever they want(2,.5 yr old) Yes they do like to touch and my youngest mimics what he learns from his nephews, like dirty dancin I call it, flippin others off, calling others buttholes. They think it is funny to teach him this. I don't think either of mine have tried anything like that on a girl or boy. I have always made it clear to them we don't do that to eachother or others and we don't let others do that to us. As all parents should. I would say something is wrong with the situation.

[mama51]

This is NOT normal.  I also will almost bet you that if someone were to dig deeper that they'd find child molestation either in early developement of the boy or current.  He sounds like he is acting out something that has happened to him.  
His behavior has gone beyond mere curiosity...in other words someone woke up that kid's Mr. Happy.
All you can really do now is damage control, keep your daughter away from him and get HER some counseling.  Sometimes things can be pushed into the back of one's mind because it is or was so horrific and then one day without warning *Wham* it comes back with a vengeance.
This is from personal experience and actual observation and research. I am not a Dr. or Shrink, just someone who's been there and went through it.