6 yr. old boy with anxiety over school and any new situations/events how much of it is normal and when to get help??

I'm a stay at home mom with 2 boys.  One school age and another toddler.  My older son has always been a little more on the clingy side.  Needs constant hugs, kisses and reassureance. He is social, will play with kids at playground and stuff, but always with his eyes to see where I am.  I have never left him without notice or been late to pick him up after school, not sure why he is so insecure.
I'm concerned with school, it took him from Sept. until Jan. to setlle at school and now starting up again... can't sleep properly will wake up early and not go back down.  will gag all AM on and off, be teary and say "i'm going to miss you", has frequent trips to the bathroom and will not eat or drink anything before school with nerves/anxiety.
I have been patient and consistent sending him to school, but now I am starting to feel drained, angry and blaming myself for staying home and taking care of him... I'm not sure what to do, I have brought my concerns to teacher, pediatrican but not much as been done.  He has not been diagnose with anything or is on any meds.  
Just wondering with other parents is this normal??? A child be clingy to you on and off, always wondering if you will be there end of the day to pick him up from school? Wanting you, to lie beside him to fall asleep? Basically depending on you for any daily challenge.  
I can't leave him with a babysitter or drop him off at a friends if I need a break or have an app. without having him freak out with nerves.  Bday parties some are parents drop off and go, he won't go to those cause i'm not there to stay.  Summer camp is another issue he won't go its torture for him... what should I do???
Anyone going through this?? How do you handle it without getting crazy mad?  
Help my patients are running out!


This discussion is related to Seperation Anxiety in 6 year old on Lexapro.

[mooksmom]

I'm not understanding WHY your pediatrician hasn't addressed this or made some suggestions. What about his teacher? You aren't clear if they have issues with him at school or not.
By age 6, children should be able to self soothe and are usually NOT so clingy and anxious. They are full of wonder and WANT to be more independent and explore their world!
If he was my child, I'd start with the Pediatrican and ask for more evaluation regarding this...of seek it yourself. If he was mine, I'd hold off on medication until I knew exactly what was causing his anxiety. I'm sure you are drained and angry at times. Try to keep those emotions in check, kids feed off their parents emotions. If you must....YOU take the time-out...got get a cold wash cloth and lie down for 20 min and think how badly you son must feel being that anxious every day. I hope you can get some help...esp from his Pediatrician...of maybe find one that is more pro-active.
I hope for you the best!

[RockRose]

mimada,  are all his anxieties focused on whether you will be there?  Or is he having other anxieties that you just didn't list . . . like,  does he get extremely anxious about things like having a substitute teacher,  or if the schoolday schedule has to be rearranged unexpectedly,  or if he doesn't know what's for lunch,  or a very vivid fear that there's something under the bed or going to swim up out of the toilet,  etc.?  

It sounds like from your post that all of the things he is anxious about concern his time away from you - is that pretty much right?

The reason I ask this is because back when Dr. Laura Schlessinger had a radio show,  there was a call that sounded just like this from a mom.  Her "take" on it was the child was upset that he had to go to school while the mom and preschooler had all day to play together and be relaxed at home.  The boy,  she said,  felt anxious about being replaced and jealous of the time the sibling and mom would have together without him.  

Does that sound like your son also?  

[skepticalpeach]

My daughter occasionally has issues like this. Her teachers are super supportive of her though. If she's ever a bit upset when I leave they will pick her up and hold her close, giving her a big hug. She feels super safe. If the teachers aren't being gentle with him I'd go find a school that would be willing to be nice. I wouldn't just slap some meds on him, but instead let him see a therapist. He'll work it out!

[mimada]

Thank You ladies for all your comments and advice.

Yes my peditrician did send me to an anxiety clinic to see a phychiatrist, he has seen her twice and one time he had seen her he was a little better, actually settled at school, but I ended up visiting her again due to anxiety starting up again.

Yes Michael does get anxious when a supply teacher is in place, or a change in schedule at school, teacher is pretty good at giving me ahead of time notice so I can prep Michael if teacher will be away.  

I also found that if my husband drops off Michael in the AM to school it seems to go better he is less anxious and detaches easily, so I no longer take him to school, it helps him and me as well with the stress of Michael being to clingy to me.


The last time I saw the doctor I brought up concerns and asked it it was normal ,the clingyness, and everyday during the week gagging, not sleeping well, etc...

I had mentioned that I have friends whose children adjust well with staying at a friends house or with a sitter, even going to a bday party, and that Michael stands out to me as being more conscious about his surroundings, clings, and will cry if I leave him. I still feel its not normal.

She said she does not see anything that is alarming on Michael, that he is a bit more sensitive than other children, he will have up and down roller coasters of anxiety and worry but that he will get better as he gets older, that I have to be patient and recomended a book for me to read "How to cope with your anxious child" so I will be doing that for now.

I seriously hope he will get better, but my instinct says other wise.  Anxiety just does not go away on its own, that is my view.  I'm considering getting a second opinion from another expert as well.

Anyhow thanx for all your input ladies.  I enjoy reading your posts as well, it makes me feel that i'm not the only one going through this.