6 yr old girl attraction to another girl

Help!  My 6 yr old, 1st grader, is showing signs of liking another girl.  My daughter often refers to herself as "the boy".  She has come to me and discussed her "loving" this other girl in her class.  When I asked her "how do you like this girl?" and she replied like you and daddy.

Is it possible that she is gay, and knows already that she is attracted to the same sex, or is this a phase?  I am scared for her.  Just today she told me she kissed this girl on the hand like a boy would and the girl asked her to kiss her on the cheek and she did.  What do I do?  How do I talk to her about this behavior?  I am so very confused.  Help!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your daughetr may display a condition named Gender Identity Disorder, and this should be evaluated by a pediatric mental health clinician. Si it would be sensible to arrange this. Now, most children of your daughter's age whom we see in our outpatient practice with symptoms similar to those of your daughter do not actually display GID. One of the conditions of the disorder is an intense preoccupation with wanting to possess the opposite gender and a pretty intense reaction against conventions associated with their own gender. Most children do not display such a level of intensity. Two things you can do are talk casually, in a supportive manner, with your daughter about her perceptions, and set limits on kissing other children. Apart from what might be gender confusion, it's not a good idea for children to be kissing other children. This will bring with it discomfort in her peers and promote social strains (in addition to whatever unrest it promotes from the school). The behavior of your daughter does not likely represent real sexual attraction, but it may be indicative of some gender confusion and this invites evaluation.