My daughter is 6 years old and has been through 4-5 years of a custody battle. She was taken from me and father now has custody ever sense she she was 2yrs old. My daughter was laying in bed and out of the blue said "Mommy I hate myself". I think I'm a jerk. Why is my child saying these things? I asked dad if she says things at his house but he denies it. Should I be worried or take her to counseling?
Welcome to Medhelp Child Behaviour Forum. I sure would be worried and would absolutely take her to a child psychologist. I don't know if your child is mimicking things from step children or step mom or what, A psychologist will be able to find this out. Custody battles are very difficult on children and i think that having psychologist's involved regardless of outward signs of maladjustment is in order. Good luck with it Mom. I'm glad you found us here on Medhelp. Please keep us posted. LIz
I'm sorry to hear that any child would feel that way. Given the stress she has endured for much of her little life, I think it would be wise to look into some counseling for her before this becomes an even bigger issue. Good luck.
Hi there. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear any child having bad feelings about herself. I'm glad it was 'out of a blue' and not the mantra that she has been saying over and over.
Sadly, a lot of kids who have parents who seperate and then fight through custody issues actually blame themselves for everything. It doesn't have to make sense to us why they do it because they just do. So, I think it is really essential that you make it really clear to her that she has NOTHING to do with these grown up things and that you and her daddy are just trying to sort out what is best for her because you love her so much. I'd call her dad at this point no matter what state your relationship is with him and say that you are wanting to curtail any 'fight' and put on a happy face for the sake of your child. Tell him that you fear that it is all taking a toll on her and you'd like to insulate her as best as possible. And then keep whatever 'fight' you are having with him and he with you (over money, custody, etc.) very private and away from her.
Then, you have a kid that has some self esteem issues. There are ways to help a child with this. You can help her explore things that she can work at and become good at. Don't give her fake compliments "you are so awesome at everything" but rather help her develop what she likes and can grow confidence in. Sign her up for various things to help her figure it out and stay active. I really love scouting for boys and girls and girlscouts is something you can do with her. I think it starts in first grade at most schools. Brownies are before that.
You can sit with her and have her tell you things she DOES like about herself and write them down on little pieces of paper. You write down things about her that you like as well. Then put them in a jar, She pulls one out and reads it every night before bed or any time she is down on herself.
If she has grandparents, let them rain on the grandparently love. There is something very beneficial about love from extended to a child. Makes them feel layers of love and safety.
I'd check out some books at the library about kids feeling good just as they are. Read them to her.
My son had low self esteem as well and we talked about 'being our own friend'. That we have to say NICE things to ourselves. Negative self talk is very detrimental and it starts young. So, we rewrote some of my son's inner dialogue. He even made a picture of himself and wrote "I love me" and hung it over his bed.
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