6 yr old sleeping with parents

[Jennifer Arms]

My 6 year old son will ask 2 or 3 nights a week if he can sleep in my bed.  He goes to sleep fine in his own bed (no complaints, no hassles).  But I allow him sometimes to sleep with me in our bed.  My husband works nights so my son ans I will go to bed and when Daddy comes home we are already asleep.  This makes my husband furious.
Sometimes I even ask my son if he wants to go night night in mommys bed.  I have gotten used to it myself.  I know it isn't a good habit but its not like he won't fall asleep in his own bed.
So, therefore I don't feel like it's a problem.  My husband thinks differently.  Will this cause problems in my sons life? Socially or mentally?  Or is my husband overeacting?

Thank you

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Jennifer,

By all means, have your children go to sleep in their own beds and remain in their own beds throughout the night. It's not a good idea for them to sleep with you. From the tone of your note, it sounds like you've been responding more to your needs than their needs. Keep them in their own beds - you won't be making a mistake.

[lisa]

Our children, 7 years, 4 years and 1 1/2, have spent plenty of time in our bed.  Many families opt for the "family bed" or some version of it. Some families set limits on when children can
be in the parents room, for example when ill.  In our family, my
husband never made an issue if he found one of the kids in our
bed at night.  That child must have needed some extra "mommy" time that night. My children are very well adjusted, intelligent
(the oldest is in the gifted program at school), and have only age-appropriate problems with separation or adjusting to new situations.  
     If your situation is causing marital problems, then I suppose you need to rethink it.  However, your husband should be aware that many, many people lay down with their children at
night.  An author that I really respect on this subject is Dr. Sears.  Perhaps one of his books would help you and your husband with this issue.  Good luck!

[Lisa B]

I completely agree with the other comment and couldn't disagree more with the answer from the Doctor.  Do what feels right to you AND your children-they are only young once.  Also, make sure to communicate often and clearly with your spouse so as not to prolong problems.  It's really important that you and your spouse get informed-read THE FAMILY BED by Tine Thevenin.  It will be worth your time.

[Mrs. Rogers]

My 8 year old daughter has a few problems.  
We think she is allergic to milk.  She threw up between 3 and 5 years old waking up with severe stomach cramps about every other night and would throw up.  My pedatrician didn't know why.  She also was very congested.  When I took her off milk, all symptoms subsided. When we introduced her to milk symptoms immediately reoccured, so she is off milk again.

At 6 years old she had very frequent urination, we noticed it especially if she was nervous about something.  

Whenever she is extremely pleased or happy she has to get up from a seated position and hop waving her hands.  She has been ridiculed at school and can't seem to control this behavior.  She likes doing it!

I only mention the milk allergy because perhaps it is related.

[melanie]

let your children sleep in your bed! they will feel bonded to you more and grow up with a great sense of security. also would you leave your child alone 7 or 8 hours a day 7 days a week without their mom or dad? so why do this to them at night

[Lynn]

School age children should sleep in their Own bed at all times unless they are sick
Why are parent's allowing school age chidren to continue to sleep with them when it create's a unhealthy problem for the entire family. the parents bed is privacy for the parents remember that folks!

[Lynn]

School age children should sleep in their
Own bed at all times unless they are sick
Why are parent's allowing school age
chidren to continue to sleep with them
when it create's a unhealthy problem for
the entire family. the parents bed is
privacy for the parents remember that
folks!

[jennifer]

Thanks for all your comments.  Me and my husband now allow one to two nights a month for our son to sleep in our bed.  (We call it Family Night)  My son knows only on these nights he is allowed to sleep with us.  We might read him a story or tell stories, or just talk about our day.  This gives him the sense of security and us a time to relax and share our time.  But on the other hand on the nights he sleeps in his bed it gives him his independence and gives us a "good night."

[rizwan akhtar khan]

My wife fell while she was 6 months pregnant with our 1st son.
My son is developing slowly, mentally.
Would the fall have caused my sons nerves to tangle thus the reason of his slow development?.

[concerned_stepmom]

A related discussion, co-sleeping was started.