My oldest son is 7 (going on 8) and is very social with adults. He is an excellent student with very good concentration, math and reading skills. He gets along with most of his classmates although there are a couple of 'bullies' who sometimes pick on him. My concern is that he does not have any good friends. He never wants to have playdates and spends recess alone frequently and lunchtime near, but not with, any friends. I have put him in social situations such as Sunday school and a soccer team with kids he has known for over 4 years but although he participates, he chooses to spend most of the time separate from the rest of the group. When asked, he says he is happy and that being alone does not bother him. Should I be concerned? Is this something he will grow out of his own? And what, if anything, should I do to help him want to make closer friendships?
It sounds like he doesn't do well in groups. Lots of kids are like that - groups are overwhelming. He also sounds like he doesn't know anyone well enough to feel comfortable asking them over to hang out, but you could help with that. Are you well-connected to the school? You could foster him finding a couple of like friends - other kids who are shy or don't prefer to play in groups, and invite one at a time over for something really fun. An outing to the lake, or the movies, or . . . whatever your son really likes to do.
Have you tried cub scouts? My kids were all involved with Cubs, and there are a LOT of kids in cubs who sound like your son. If you could actually be the den leader or assistant leader that would be best.
I agree to try some one-on-one play times with another child or two. But DO address the bullies in the classroom. This could be bigger than you think. Maybe the other kids are afraid to play with him for fear they will be hit on next. Address this with teacher, principal, school counsellor. If we want the world to be a better place, then we have to start somewhere. Life in 2nd or 3rd grade doesn't have to be like that.
Bullies do it for the power; The teachers and principals should have the power to take that behavior away.
Invite other friends over for your son to play with and look into cubs, etc (that was a good idea of Rock Rose) or Cadets. It does sound like you have him involved with Sunday School, etc. so I would not worry that much. My oldest son is just the same and has always been that way and he has one best friend but is just as content to be alone and reading a book. He is very mature, responsible and gets great grades and has gotten into music as well which he loves. Perhaps you could consider music lessons? The reason I say that is that other kids really respect someone who can play (for example) the piano or who have a talent and music is something that quiet children can do well at and have their moments to shine.
Girls find my son rather intriguing too because he kind of has that "I am my own person and I like to be alone" attitude.
Don't worry too much, it is probably personality more than anything.
i have a 7 nearly 8 year old boy he has always has good girl friends at school but not many boys, he has gone to juniors in sept last year with the same kids that he was in infants with as there is only one class of each year in the school, Things have now got worst ..... he is very confident and imaginative, and creative, he has been playing the piano since he was 6 and is very good for his age, he doesnt really like sports but loves imagination games and craeting things, he loves anyuthing that involves music and acting and is also very bossy. He doesnt have ANY real friends and the children at his school that are his friends always fall out with him and tell tales and he then gets angry and falls out with them. As far as i am aware he is never violent. I really am at my wits end because i dont know if he needs taking out of this school ( whether its the group of children in his class that are the problem ) or whether it is my son that has a problem and if so where i can get him tested ot assessed or what anyone could actually do??? its almost like maybe he needs to channel his creativeness and imagination into something positive?? he has also recently started lieing which i find extremely worrying as he has always been such an honest child, he is always so well behaved at home and has brilliant relationships with adults who mostly adore him, but also this is not going to make his current class like him. ...... any advise from previous experiences would be appreciated.
I see where you are coming from i as well,am a kid..and i feel that you are pushing him towards getting friends,(believe me its best to be alone than in groups)
most kids are going to want to be alone but with everyone bullying him he is going to have to stand up for himself,im not saying he has to fight..you cant give somebody friends or force friends upon somebody to get friends,it comes to you.i hope this helps you.P.s. Unless he enjoys sunday school try not to send him(my mom once sent me and i didnt make any friends either but,honestly i wanted to be home spending time with my mom) so what im trying to say is,spend some quality time with him you know like,read a book or tell him a good bedtime story.if any more problems message me on facebook. my name is Chris Vanhatten and i am 11 years old :)
My son wants to join Cub Scouts and I can very much relate to the mother that posted this question. My son is very sociable with adults but not so much at school my heart cries for him. The only down fall I feel about joining cub scouts is unfortunately his father is in prison until 2016 and I am afraid it will make my son sad to see the other kids with dads, I asked him if he wanted grandpa to take him and he said no he wants me to take him. Should I sign him up you think?
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