7-8 year old boy with no friends

[tnjsmom]

My oldest son is 7 (going on 8) and is very social with adults.  He is an excellent student with very good concentration, math and reading skills.  He gets along with most of his classmates although there are a couple of 'bullies' who sometimes pick on him.  My concern is that he does not have any good friends.  He never wants to have playdates and spends recess alone frequently and lunchtime near, but not with, any friends.  I have put him in social situations such as Sunday school and a soccer team with kids he has known for over 4 years but although he participates, he chooses to spend most of the time separate from the rest of the group.  When asked, he says he is happy and that being alone does not bother him.  Should I be concerned?  Is this something he will grow out of his own?  And what, if anything, should I do to help him want to make closer friendships?

[RockRose]

It sounds like he doesn't do well in groups.  Lots of kids are like that - groups are overwhelming.  He also sounds like he doesn't know anyone well enough to feel comfortable asking them over to hang out,  but you could help with that.  Are you well-connected to the school?  You could foster him finding a couple of like friends - other kids who are shy or don't prefer to play in groups,  and invite one at a time over for something really fun.    An outing to the lake,  or the movies,  or . . . whatever your son really likes to do.

Have you tried cub scouts?  My kids were all involved with Cubs,  and there are a LOT of kids in cubs who sound like your son.    If you could actually be the den leader or assistant leader that would be best.

Best wishes.

[lizziew]

I agree to try some one-on-one play times with another child or two.  But DO address the bullies in the classroom.  This could be bigger than you think.  Maybe the other kids are afraid to play with him for fear they will be hit on next.  Address this with teacher, principal, school counsellor.  If we want the world to be a better place, then we have to start somewhere. Life in 2nd or 3rd grade doesn't have to be like that.

Bullies do it for the power; The teachers and principals should have the power to take that behavior away.

Best wishes

[waitingwithhope]

Invite other friends over for your son to play with and look into cubs, etc (that was a good idea of Rock Rose) or Cadets. It does sound like you have him involved with Sunday School, etc. so I would not worry that much. My oldest son is just the same and has always been that way and he has one best friend but is just as content to be alone and reading a book. He is very mature, responsible and gets great grades and has gotten into music as well which he loves. Perhaps you could consider music lessons? The reason I say that is that other kids really respect someone who can play (for example) the piano or who have a talent and music is something that quiet children can do well at and have their moments to shine.
Girls find my son rather intriguing too because he kind of has that "I am my own person and I like to be alone" attitude.
Don't worry too much, it is probably personality more than anything.