Correction hes almost 12 yrs old
This sounds just like my step son. He's 10 in a couple months. He does the same thing..always worried about how she feels what hes allowed to do.if she txt him and he doesn't answer she starts calling. After he starts talking/texting her he changes his mood. This is a long battle for my husband she has tried everything to keep his son from him because my husband left her. We drive 3hrs each way every other weekend to spend 6 hrs with him. Finally we get him for a week,and she wont stop bothering him..he gets upset and wants to leave. Tonight hes crying because he misses her *i understand this* but the thing is he sleeps with her every night. My husband's at work so i try talking to him but how can we expect this child to sleep alone even with lights on if moms not next to him? Idk if this is wrong but it's not healthy for him and dad relationship. Mom wont change anything. Any idea's?
A related discussion,
My 8 year old boy sleeps with mommy was started.
I am not a single mom but I may as well be, and my 7yr. old son would sleep with me every night if I let him. He asks to sleep in my bed. But HE asks to and HE wants to. It does not sound to me like this is your son's idea? Most of time we start off with story or movie in my bed and then he gets put to sleep in his own room. (unless it's a rare occassion that dad is away and then sometimes I let him stay with me) It's hard and he cries sometimes, but he gets through most nights. I say if it's because your son wants to be close to mom it's normal, but she should not indulge regulary. If it's becausehe wants to make her happy or SHE wants him in her bed, then you must step in. Try working some slick questions in when you are with him so that you can get a better feel of what is actually going on. Good luck to you.
It could be he had a couple of nightmares and went to 'sleep with his mom' and is making a huge deal out of it, realizing this will get your goat. You may be making a mountain out of a molehill. If I was the mom I would probably tell you to mind your own business because of all the old anger issues still there in the exmarriage and the baggage coming from that confuses the boy.
It sounds to me like a whole pile of martyr dad and bad mom scenerio which is wrong, and before accusing mom with getting kicks out of sleeping with the son, the real issues behind that need addressing. The son found refuge from loneliness and homesickness for his dad when at his moms, with his mom and now you are basically saying he sleeps with her everynight. The son is showing signs of being disturbed as you two have not recovered from anger and stress and blaming each other and wanting the sons affections more than the other.
It is time to grow up and be friends with each other, as the boy NEEDS this in order to grow up sane loving both parents equally. So you split, don't sensationalize all what your son does. he does the same with his mom, you can bet to get a rise out of both of you. He is playing on all your angers, and suspiciouns on each other. It sounds like two sensible adults can lay it all down for the sons benefit and give each other room to love the son for who you are rather than heaping blame and accusations.
No, this is not a normal thing for a child and it should stop. Your description indicates that your son is developing some emotional disturbance, and the only solution to this will involve you and his mother meeting with a mental health professional to discuss your mutual parenting efforts with him. Based on your description, his mother is putting him in the position of meeting her needs and unwittingly putting pressure on him to please her. If this is true, it indicates some pretty serioius immaturity on her part. In any case, please see if she will agree to join you in conferring with a mental health professional. If she does not, through the probate court see if a guardian ad litem can be appointed to pursue the matter.