7 Year Old Girls issues with pleasing, stealing and lieing

[deming72]

My 7 year old daughter has issues with lieing, stealing and hiding items it seems that she does this to please her dad and I.  She has talked about killing herself and running away.  Recently we noticed at school that she was having focusing issues so I met with her teacher and we decided to enroll her in Sylvan for some additional help.  She is very bright and smart, a great reader at the top of her class.  But it seems that she still has issues with some of the beginning principles of the sounds.  Last night she was to clean her room and put her clothes away, she threw the clothes that I had folded in my closet to hide them.  This is the second time that she has done this before it was behind the washer.  This morning her teacher called and said that she had taken a classmates paper that got 100 percent and erased the other childs name and put her name on it to show us and complete the back side homework and take back.  The other litte girl noticed this last night and was so worried that she didnt want to get her friend in trouble.  This is on ongoing behavior that I see in myself.  I was always worried about pleasing my parents that I lied and cheated.  My parents punishement was to spank me, but I this did not correct my way of thinking, how do I help my child so that she can be a proporous adult, self confident, beautiful and smart.  Her father and I are not hard on her about many issues we hardly ever punish her but these issues I am afraid are going to control her for the rest of her life.  I have been on antidepressents for the last 3 years and they have changed my life.  Is medication what she needs, evaluation, counseling, PLEASE HELP.....

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your daughter's behavior does not seem designed to please you. Otherwise she would be more cooperative than she is about the expectations you place on her. Her behavior underscores the need for an evaluation, and only then is it possible to articulate a thorough plan for her. At the very least, though, while you are waiting for the evaluation, you should definitely set limits and follow through with reasonable consequences when she violates the rules. It's your job as parents to set limits and provide discipline, as well as to be nurturant and supportive. If you are not following up on her misbeavior and responding to it, then you are ignoring an important aspect of parenting. Some parents think that if they punish their children they are 'hurting' them, but this is far from the case. Due to your own history of corporal punishment, you might tend to shy away from discipline. But sound discipline does not have to involve physical punishment. So step up your limit setting behavior while you go ahead and arrange an evaluation.