7 Yr BM Problem

[Moe]

My son just turned 7.  He has never been "fully trained".  We've never had a problem with his urinating in the toilet.  He's never had a "#1" accident.  Our PROBLEM is that he's never really, for lack of better terminology, mastered #2. My parents cared for our son when I returned to work when he was 3 mos. In the midst of his potty training at around 2 1/2, my Mom was diagnosed w/cancer.  Coincidentally I was 4 mos. pregnant. Weeks after his 3rd b-day he had to deal w/my Mom's death, a baby sister & an hysterical mother.  I tell you this because I feel these events effected him more than anyone can imagine.  He still cries saying how much he misses Mom Mom.  When he has these "accidents" about once a day he cries, apologizing that he's "so stupid, I'm such a jerk, I can't help it".  I know in my heart of hearts there is no PHYSICAL problem. (My husband tends to believe I baby him too much.) We took him to children's hosp. last year, they recommended a therapist.  It was a struggle (physically, emotionally & mentally) to get him there. (He's extremely headstrong!)  He's not a discipline problem.  95% of the time he's a sweet, thoughtful, loving person, although he can have quite a temper (but he doesn't get that from the wind).  We've tried having him sit on the toilet,taking things away, taking friends away, stickers, rewards, punishment, being gentle, talking, screaming, amateur pyschoanalyzing, having him clean himself & his underwear, threatening to "expose" his "problem" (this is an empty threat of course -- I would NEVER!), you name it we've tried it.  I don't know if it's a good thing or not, but no child in 4 years has ever told him he stinks, questioned if it was him, made fun of him, etc., and honestly, I don't know if he would care.  Sorry I'm going on and on, but this is my baby, and we're at the end of our rope.  We can't take much more, we have no idea where to go or what to do.  I understand in the grand scheme of things we're extremely lucky that we have 2 healthy, beautiful children that have never had more than the sniffles.  This just really upsets our home.  It's not fun.  PLEASE HELP!!  Thank you.

[angel 1]

I have a stepson that does the same thing,but he's 11 yrs old. Did you ever get your son straightened out? If so,what finally helped?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

No guidance I can offer you will substitute for the need to involve your son in professional help. Take the bull by the horns and get him to treatment. He's seven years old - you're the adult. There should be no question about his going. Assert your authority in this regard. Treat this the same way you would a physical wound. If he had a severe laceration and required suturing, the'd be no question he'd go to the ER, regardless of his thoughts or wishes about it. Regard this as in the same category.