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2066946 tn?1345523888

7 year age gap

Hi an thanks in advance for any advice ..I have a loving 6 year old daughter who is starting too get jealous over the baby we are expecting ..(15 weeks pregnant ) especially when my husbands rubs my belly or lays his head on it ...we ask her if she wants to lay on the other side and we try to get her involved ..she gets a sad look on her face an usually goes into her room ..I feel so bad but I kno I have to prepare her for the baby ..also she talks about helping me an being really excited about the new baby ..any ideas on how I can talk to her an ease the jealousy thing a little bit before the new one is here ??? Thank u
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1548028 tn?1324612446
I understand.  I didn't plan it that way either.  had the first at 28 weeks and he had so many difficulties, surgeries, money etc... there was no time to think of another.  I thought if i gave my body a break it wouldn't happen the second time.  I was wrong but I have 2 wonderful sons.  I think it is very doable and can be successful!  I know many people who do it and they are close.  I just wish I had known what was out there to maybe help make this a great sibling interaction.  You are ahead of the ballgame and you will be successful!
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134578 tn?1693250592
I might add, my favorite sister is five years younger than me.  We always got along.  Maybe I got my sibling rivalry out on the one that is only 18 months younger than me.  :)
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2066946 tn?1345523888
Thank u very much for that post I appreciate it ..I never wanted my kids spread out this far but with pcos I'm lucky to even be pregnant again ..ill look into that ..my baby is due in Sept so I'm gonna check into all resources available ...thank u
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1548028 tn?1324612446
Check with your hospital.  At ours, we so great sibling classes to prepare for a new addition.  They talk about all kinds of things and do kid play.  They talk about how important the sibling is.  Might be kinda fun for her.  My kids are almost 7 years apart.  It has been a challenge.  They are both like only children and don't play well together (age 12 and 18).  My brother and I are the same distance apart and we didn't either.  But, as adults we are best friends and have been for a long time now.  My only regret, people told me that it is not my oldest son's responsibility to watch the younger etc...  So, I made it a point to not have the older assist with anything.  I also made it to where the youngest didn't have to take direction from older.  I wish I had done a little more with each.  My 18 year old is older and wiser and has his brother's best interest at heart but the 12 yr. old always let's him know he doesn't have to listen.  I wish I would have said a little more often "listen to brother, he doesn't want you to get hurt".  "brother took that away because he doesn't want you to get hurt".  You get my meaning.  I should have involved them together much more.  It's really good you are seeing this and trying to get advice.  Goodluck and congrats!
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134578 tn?1693250592
There is a book, "How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk," that's a simple little paperback with excellent examples, and I found it very useful as a parent.  I think it even had the analogy I mentioned above in it.  Also once you find that, there is another by the same author that I also found useful.  I got my copies used on Amazon for only a few bucks.
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2066946 tn?1345523888
Thanks Annie for your opinion ..do you have any tips ? Positive things I can do ..I'm not exactly a pro at this which is why I'm seeking opinions/advice ..
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134578 tn?1693250592
I agree with everything specialmom said.  Also, don't make the mistake of thinking your daughter wants to hear you tell her how great it's going to be that she can share in the joy of having the new baby around, and help with the baby, and all of that.  If *she* says it, fine, but the analogy is that a first wife wouldn't be thrilled if her husband brought a dazzling younger wife that everyone was excited about home to live in the bedroom down the hall, and kept telling his first wife how much she was going to like it and how she now had to be a big girl and help take care of the new wife.  Your daughter has every right to look sad when daddy is goo-gooing over the advent of a stranger and asking her to do so too.
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2066946 tn?1345523888
Thank u for the insight an yes its her bio dad .I was an only child so i didn't go through any of this ..also we lost a pregnancy when she was a year old I was almost 14 weeks an it was very painful for my husband and I ..it took almost 4 years to concieve this one because I have pcos obviously we are excited she's a daddys girl an i think will have most of the anxiety sharing him ..thank u for the first hand advice ..
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973741 tn?1342342773
Hi,  I have an older sister that is almost 6 years older than me.  We are adults now and I have to be honest, I grew up almost like an only child.  I tihnk that you make it clear to your daughter that you'll be bring the baby along to her things, that she is still special and that the world will not stop for baby.  maybe your husband could google and goggle over the baby bump more when she isn't right there.  I mean, you do want her to be excited but if everyone is over the moon about having a new baby----  well, that breeds jealousy.  You act like it is great and all but so is she!!!  Dad should give her a big hug and tell her that SHE is his baby.  (is this her bio dad?)  Kids of her age aren't too mature emotionally yet.

I was my mama's baby.  Did my sister resent it?  Well, I never knew she did until our mother died. Do your best to make her feel equally important to this second child.  I am sure she is but go the other way, over the top, to make it clear.  Spend some special 'girl' time without mentioning that baby once except to say, after the baby is here, we'll make sure and still do some things just the two of us.  

they'll form a relationship, trust me.  But both kids want to feel really secure and that they are secretly your favorite.  They both want to be that.  

My sister and I were alright when we both lived at home and were young . . . but really became friends as adults.  When we were in our 20's we became very close and the rest is history.  I mean we had our moments as kids of enjoying one another or playing a game together . . . but she was into such different things than I being so much older.  

Anyway, it is always exciting to add to your family.  I'm happy for you.  She'll be happy to if her spot isn't threatened (in fact, many kids that age become 'little mama's' and love on the baby big time).  good luck
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