My 7 year old son Can NOT make a decision.. inparticularly when I am leaving the house and his dad is home.. he will say he wants to stay with dad ..then he will say no he is coming.. and this will go on and on till he has a TOTAL MELT DOWN! The worst is when he actually decides to get in the car and we begin to pull out of the driveway he will start changing his mind back and forth again.. I always give him a last chance to get out of the car and he always changes his mind again.. then 1/2 way down the street he will change it again.. it goes on all the way to where we are going until the point where he will actually get out of his seat belt and try to open the door andjump...my other children (smaller sisters..5 and 2 1/2 are crying cause they are scared he will do it.. its ridiculous.. he is crying cause he can't figure out what he wants to do and then they are crying ..eventually he moves on too anger and telling me we aren't his parents and can't punish him.. as soon as we arrive at our destination.. he is back to my sweet, smart, loving child..but I and everyone else that was in the car is a nervous wreck. It sounds so crazy.. but its really starting to worry me because of his "attempts" to jump out of the car.. anyone with like experiences.. our decision today is that my husband and I will now decide if he comes or goes and it will be final..maybe he is too young to decide if he wants to grocery shopping ? Or to pick up food at a restraunt? any ideas? I did leave for a short period of time (gas station run) tonight and told him he was staying.. he ran outside and buckled up.. I ignored him and began to pull out of the driveway.. he then started his normal routine..so I stopped and took him out of the van and brought him in the house, told his dad he was staying and shut the door behind me to his screaming and crying. When I returned he had been put in his room for the evening.. where he still is.. I tried to go and talk to him at one point and all I got was that we don't listen to what he tells us he wants to do..(could it be because everytime we do listen he changes his mind?)
My son is like this too. Just make the decision for him. Burger or chicken nuggets? Just choose and when he says, "But I wanted...." Say, "Ok, next time I'll get you..."
I don't think they are too young. My son is my first child, I've always thought it was because I made so many decisions for him when he was little. For the first 3 1/2 years all my attention was on him and I chose everything for him.
Obviously our children have high anxiety over little things. Right now, my son is 8 1/2, I say, "Do you want to go or stay?" If he says stay, he can change his mind one time, but I don't ask him "are you sure?" I don't second guess him because that makes him second guess himself.
I can't make a decision either. I ask whoever is with me what they are going to order, what they are going to do, etc. If you do that, maybe you are modeling insecurities to him?
From now on if you want him to go, just tell him to go...lol...make his life easier for himself. Good luck!
Well, it is certainly a relief to know there is someone else out there with this problem..he is my 2nd child of 4 and none of our others are like this..but I guess I had the right idea.. because tonight before bed he was trying to decide about if he was going to come run and errand with me tomorrow or stay home.. and I told him.. its no longer your decision to worry about.. we will tell you where you will be. And that is just the way it is going to have to be. He may be miserable and feel like we are punishing him but when his actions effect his siblings negatively we have to stop it. I was thinking the same thing about if we were modeling not being able to make decisions and realized my husband analyzes all decisions till her drives me nuts.. I always tell him he can't make decisions because he doesn't want to be held responsible for mistakes.. sounds harsh but I think its true :0) He actually agreed with me.. so maybe our son is picking it up from us.. I don't want him to grow up afraid of doing the wrong thing..you can't get through life not taking any rsponsiblitis.. I guess this is something we will have to work on.. thanks for the words of encouragement!
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