7 year old I NEED HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This fits under so many different catagories I don't know where to to officially put it. I have a 7 year old step daughter that lives with her father and me and has since she was a baby. She was diagnosed as ADHD and is off the charts on the hyper side not to bad on the attention side. She is increadibly smart and has always made straight As. She demands nothing but 100s from herself and if she scores bellow a 100 on anything she freaks out and starts saying she isn't good enough and we don't love her. We always reassure her that we love her no matter what and all we want id for her to try hard and we will be happy with whatever she makes on a grade.She does still wet the bed and she has also recently started pulling out her eyelashes and 1 eyebrow and currently has no eyelashes and 1 and a half eyebrows. She is also having trouble with acting out aggressively towards other children to be totally honest she is just plain down right mean. She has no friends at school because of this. I hate to say that about my own child but it is the truth. We have tried punishment for inappropriate behavior and still do punish for it but it gets no where. She gets upset and apologizes when she gets into trouble but there is never her really admitting what she did or that it was wrong. When we punish her she says we must not love her that we can't love a bad child and that we think she is the most horrible child on Earth. Again not true. She is a very loving child until someone makes her mad and then watch out she has so much anger built up inside her that she explodes. She does see her biological mom for visitation twice a month and recently her biological mom divorced again. Her biological mom also had a new baby a couple months before she got divorced. My daughter is having trouble understanding why her new little brother can live with their mom but she can't. The courts awarded soul custody of our little girl to my husband. I hear people talking about how horrible she acts though they don't know I am overhearing them. I must admit her behavior is beyond my control as well as beyond my husbands control. My husband works nights and is currently working 7 days a week so he is asleep all day and working all night. I try to make special time for just my daughter at night before she goes to sleep but that time is always interupted by our son needing to go potty again before bed or by my husband getting up and needing lunch fixed and supper fixed while he jumps in the shower to get ready for work. I want her to know how very special she is to me as my only little girl but I feel like i am not doing a very good job of that. I hear daily that she hates me and doesn't love me but this is usually in response to her not getting her way so she is trying to hurt my feelings as much as she percieves I have hurt hers by not giving into her demands for whatever it is she is wanting. She tells me I don't love her or I don't like her or I love mine and my husbands son more than her. Some of this she has told us her biological mom has told her. That though I can't be sure is the truth because my daughter has become very adapt at lying to suit her and what she wants us to believe. She has learned how to play on emotions and how to use her emotions and a persons emotions to hurt them. She has learned how to manipulate people into doing what she wants. Deep down she has a very kind and loving heart and wants so badly to do what is right and good. She tries so hard. I don't know maybe the majority of it is our fault for expecting to much out of her. I just don't know anymore. Right now I'm so worn out and so defeated that I don't know what to do and am willing to do anything to help her. I am getting her into an excellent child psychologist if for no other reason than to give her someone to talk to since she obviously feels she can't talk to us.  Please if you have any advice on how to help my precious baby girl I'm willing to listen.

[jdtm]

Your step-daughter is only seven years old and too young to be diagnosed with a personality disorder, but it seems to me that you have just described "borderline personality disorder" (which is a disorder dealing with lack of control of one's emotions).  I hope that the psychologist will be able to help her.  And, I hope that I am wrong ....