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7 year old behavior
My 7 year old is mean to his sisters and mean to animals sometimes. He has urinated on his sister and an animal. He often hits and pushes his sisters. He is mean to other children in school. He sometimes has BM accidents. When I ask him why he says because and that his brain told him to, and lately he said that is just the way he is. He is also very rough with his toys and destructive. I have an appointment scheduled to see his pediatrician, but I need ideas now on what is going on and what to do. He can be a very sweet child and really thrives on hugs and snuggling. I have 4 children ages (7,5,3,10 months) and he is the only boy. I think part of it might be attention because when he is by himself with his grandma, Dad, or Aunt or whoever he is fine. He is very active but he is not vicious when he is the only child. Please tell me what the problem might be and things I can do before I get to the doctor.
Hi, I agree with 3rd child.
I have one son that's older (now 13) and a little one too. But for my son, he was molested by some older children. He acted out trying to do kissing/touching with his best littel frined. This was all found out when he was 6.
I "knew" something was wrong, he'd never say anything happened, infact, he'd say no it didn't. But then he started havig acidents, wetting his pants in the store, or where ever we were...then his appatite decreased, and he wouldn't want to play with friends. When he did, he was very rough and agrgessive. Even with the kids he liked the most.
The pediatritan said "nothing physical was wrong with him" I knew something had happened, and he wouldn't tell me. I kept telling him that he wouldn't get in to trouble, that i loved him no matter waht, and if he did have somethign he wanted to tell me but was afraid I'd get mad, that even if I did get upset it wasn't because of ANYTHING he'd done wrong. It would only be that I was upset because I loved him so much, an dhe was so special that I'd be sad if soemthign had happened to make him feel bad, or like he had to keep a secret.
This went on for weeks, he lst some weight, I was panicing inside, and then one day I had said the same thing ot him, (for about the 20th time) and he finally said ok mom, I'll tell youbut can I do it after nap?
I said sure,put himm to bed and basically cried, prayed, thought I was going to have a heart attack, and called my girl friend.It all came out, and it was a mess. Very sad and traumatic.
My point in saying it, is not to freak you out to make you think he's been messed with. I would hope to God he hasn't been...
My point was to just tell you that just as all of us who have been blessed with the gift and challenges of motherhood, we know our kids. When something's wrong...and just be encouraged, that whatever is going on with him, you will find out.
Then whatever it is, and it maybe more than one thing...because just as we are complicated people...kids are too, each is diffrent and God gave you this child because He knew you were the one who could help him best. Even if that's finding someone else to help, it's still you loving your son, and getting to the bottom of the problem, for his benefit. Even if it's hard.All of us are a work in progress, your son's got soemthing going on inside of him that he's dealing with and it can be several things. but for sure talk to him, and even if he's not wanting to talk, tell him he needs to some anyway. That you love him, and even if he doesn't want to talk about it, he can still at least listen. Just let him know you are wanting to understand, and een if he thinks you won't understand because maybe he doesn't even understand (which is more than likely true) that you love him, you need him to know he can trust you with anything, and anytime he wants to tell you something that you are here. hug him, and tell him it's ok if he's got feelings about things, like something's unfair, or he's angry or sad or feeling little bits of everything....but it's not ok to make someone else feel sad too. Peeing on someone is like saying you are not speical to someone
Pee is for a toilet
it's got germs and it's smelly and why would he want someone else to feel like a toilet?
...if someone or some thing's made him feel like he's not speical, or dirty ot gross, then if he can talk to you, and let you kow that...it would help you understand what's making him feel like he can be unkind to someone else. Because he can't not keep doing that to people. It's not nice, and he's a nice respectful person. He's kind, funny and a great artist. He is good at so many things...
One thing I know kids like to do is make a mess, right? I know you already have your hands full.
But maybe if you could let him get a big mixing bowl...get some super cheap spices, 9or use some old ones, or sprinkles)and a big spoon. Let him make some "angry soup." (crazy,silly,wild,funny,gross)what ever he'd like best.
Take peices of paper, and have him draw faces on it (and write feelings with it if he can, or you can for him or help him with it.)
Tape the faces/feelings over the lables of the spices. Tell him he can be the scary(silly, funny spooky:whatever word you want to use) scientist that wants to make other people feel the same way he feels.Make it like a game, say he's trying to take over the neighborhood and thinks that if he can put in all his feelings into the soup, that everyone else will feel what he's feeling inside.
(make goofy silly crazy noises like dr. jeckel ,,,you know what I mean.
It's just an idea. You might want to see what things he chooses and then after he's done it (or if you don't like this idea, tweek it around to make it into something else, just something to open up a door to get him to talk to you.)either way, see what feelings he chooses, don't let him feel any of his feelings are "bad or wrong" and just listen. Maybe do one your self.
Tired soup.(all the things you have to do that are exhusting...(I bet you will hadly be able to think of this at all! )
then one of happy soup.(with all of the tings that are blessings in your life.)maybe an angry soup for you, or sad soup.
(it can be spinkles with pancakes, you can use berries, chocolate chips, m-n-m's you name it.) Just get soemthing he will think is fun, that will get him tlaking without making him think you are just trying to get him to talk.
See if you working on one too helps him partisipate moore.
Add some food coloring. Wahtever. It doesn't matter what you make if it can be a door he can feel that he's able to open to let you in more.
You've definately got your hands full.
Do you ever get much time with just him? Maybe if there's a way you can do a special trip to the library or something. Let him get a special book...and then have some one on one time with just you or your husband that he can really count on, with a routine, (as if you have nothing in your life that could possibly interupt a routine right? Ha...)
Anyways, sometimes it helps.
Let me know. Sorry if I sounded uncaring about the pooping. I do care. It sounds more like a symptom than the "problem" (though I know it's a problem.)
I also wrote something the other day to another gal who was having trouble getting her son to go in the bathroom.
What I said there, would still apply to anyone. Of corse always check with a doctor because if there is something physical wrong, it would be a shame to make him feel it was something he could control if he couldn't.
God bless you.
I have one son that's older (now 13) and a little one too. But for my son, he was molested by some older children. He acted out trying to do kissing/touching with his best littel frined. This was all found out when he was 6.
I "knew" something was wrong, he'd never say anything happened, infact, he'd say no it didn't. But then he started havig acidents, wetting his pants in the store, or where ever we were...then his appatite decreased, and he wouldn't want to play with friends. When he did, he was very rough and agrgessive. Even with the kids he liked the most.
The pediatritan said "nothing physical was wrong with him" I knew something had happened, and he wouldn't tell me. I kept telling him that he wouldn't get in to trouble, that i loved him no matter waht, and if he did have somethign he wanted to tell me but was afraid I'd get mad, that even if I did get upset it wasn't because of ANYTHING he'd done wrong. It would only be that I was upset because I loved him so much, an dhe was so special that I'd be sad if soemthign had happened to make him feel bad, or like he had to keep a secret.
This went on for weeks, he lst some weight, I was panicing inside, and then one day I had said the same thing ot him, (for about the 20th time) and he finally said ok mom, I'll tell youbut can I do it after nap?
I said sure,put himm to bed and basically cried, prayed, thought I was going to have a heart attack, and called my girl friend.It all came out, and it was a mess. Very sad and traumatic.
My point in saying it, is not to freak you out to make you think he's been messed with. I would hope to God he hasn't been...
My point was to just tell you that just as all of us who have been blessed with the gift and challenges of motherhood, we know our kids. When something's wrong...and just be encouraged, that whatever is going on with him, you will find out.
Then whatever it is, and it maybe more than one thing...because just as we are complicated people...kids are too, each is diffrent and God gave you this child because He knew you were the one who could help him best. Even if that's finding someone else to help, it's still you loving your son, and getting to the bottom of the problem, for his benefit. Even if it's hard.All of us are a work in progress, your son's got soemthing going on inside of him that he's dealing with and it can be several things. but for sure talk to him, and even if he's not wanting to talk, tell him he needs to some anyway. That you love him, and even if he doesn't want to talk about it, he can still at least listen. Just let him know you are wanting to understand, and een if he thinks you won't understand because maybe he doesn't even understand (which is more than likely true) that you love him, you need him to know he can trust you with anything, and anytime he wants to tell you something that you are here. hug him, and tell him it's ok if he's got feelings about things, like something's unfair, or he's angry or sad or feeling little bits of everything....but it's not ok to make someone else feel sad too. Peeing on someone is like saying you are not speical to someone
Pee is for a toilet
it's got germs and it's smelly and why would he want someone else to feel like a toilet?
...if someone or some thing's made him feel like he's not speical, or dirty ot gross, then if he can talk to you, and let you kow that...it would help you understand what's making him feel like he can be unkind to someone else. Because he can't not keep doing that to people. It's not nice, and he's a nice respectful person. He's kind, funny and a great artist. He is good at so many things...
One thing I know kids like to do is make a mess, right? I know you already have your hands full.
But maybe if you could let him get a big mixing bowl...get some super cheap spices, 9or use some old ones, or sprinkles)and a big spoon. Let him make some "angry soup." (crazy,silly,wild,funny,gross)what ever he'd like best.
Take peices of paper, and have him draw faces on it (and write feelings with it if he can, or you can for him or help him with it.)
Tape the faces/feelings over the lables of the spices. Tell him he can be the scary(silly, funny spooky:whatever word you want to use) scientist that wants to make other people feel the same way he feels.Make it like a game, say he's trying to take over the neighborhood and thinks that if he can put in all his feelings into the soup, that everyone else will feel what he's feeling inside.
(make goofy silly crazy noises like dr. jeckel ,,,you know what I mean.
It's just an idea. You might want to see what things he chooses and then after he's done it (or if you don't like this idea, tweek it around to make it into something else, just something to open up a door to get him to talk to you.)either way, see what feelings he chooses, don't let him feel any of his feelings are "bad or wrong" and just listen. Maybe do one your self.
Tired soup.(all the things you have to do that are exhusting...(I bet you will hadly be able to think of this at all! )
then one of happy soup.(with all of the tings that are blessings in your life.)maybe an angry soup for you, or sad soup.
(it can be spinkles with pancakes, you can use berries, chocolate chips, m-n-m's you name it.) Just get soemthing he will think is fun, that will get him tlaking without making him think you are just trying to get him to talk.
See if you working on one too helps him partisipate moore.
Add some food coloring. Wahtever. It doesn't matter what you make if it can be a door he can feel that he's able to open to let you in more.
You've definately got your hands full.
Do you ever get much time with just him? Maybe if there's a way you can do a special trip to the library or something. Let him get a special book...and then have some one on one time with just you or your husband that he can really count on, with a routine, (as if you have nothing in your life that could possibly interupt a routine right? Ha...)
Anyways, sometimes it helps.
Let me know. Sorry if I sounded uncaring about the pooping. I do care. It sounds more like a symptom than the "problem" (though I know it's a problem.)
I also wrote something the other day to another gal who was having trouble getting her son to go in the bathroom.
What I said there, would still apply to anyone. Of corse always check with a doctor because if there is something physical wrong, it would be a shame to make him feel it was something he could control if he couldn't.
God bless you.
Hi Momof4, you have your hands full! I don't have any great words of wisdom although I do have a 6yr old special needs child with behavioral issues and it's not easy. He does many of the things you mention your son does. Hopefully the pediatrician can help you. If not I would go to a child psychologist. My son has lots of help, he goes to a special school and has a behaviorist at his school. We also have a home program to help teach us how to deal with the behaviors and how to handle them. Sometimes my son's behavior come out when he's bored. He has to be kept busy constantly. When he's home on weekends.....He's usually ok in the early morning because he's busy eating breakfast, watching some tv and playing then I run errands with him and try to do things. I have 2 other children that he also hits and is very aggessive with. Your son may be jealous of the babies since he's the oldest. My son is the youngest. About your second post. I would definitly confront the doctor with this. I believe some of that stuff is kinda normal also but I also believe we have to look into these situations when something is telling us something doesn't seem right. You know what I mean? I've always heard that we must follow up on the motherly instinct to things. Also, I wouldn't worry to much it could be as simple as being allergic to a specific laundry detergent...maybe causing itching. Hey, my favorite bit of advice to all in wonder is call a child psychologist if your ever worried and can't get an answer from the pediatrician that you are happy with. Good Luck
Oh....I forgot to add that he is (has always been) very sexual. Since very little (about 2) he has rubbed himself through his pants until red. I have disciplined him for rubbing himself while sitting right next to his sisters when they were babies. I also caught him one time with his penis out and trying to get his baby sister to touch it. Also during our vacation at Christmas time he was in the hot tub with some other boys his age and he pulled it out under the water to show them. I am very disturbed by this! Some family member have said that that is just kind of normal for a boy to be curious about that and stuff, but I don't think this is normal. Please tell me what I should expect when going to the doctor.
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