7 year old child is out of control

[Brig1975]

My 7 year old daughter is out of control, she does not listen to what she has been told to do, constantly talking back mimicing me, trying to get her sibling to do stuff that is not right. Lying giving me a hard time about everything, when is told to something she says "NO" or if she is told "NO" that she can't do something then she constantly bugs to do it and has a fit. Takes off in stores, ahe will not do her punishment for mis-behaviour like go to her room after school until dinner. She has no remorse for mis behaving. This has been a battle since she was 2 yrs old. I don't know what to do anymore, she knows what buttons to push to upset me.Does not listen to instructions, if asked to do something she will do the opposite or do what she wants, taking stuff away does not work.She is constantly arguing with me about everything. Please give me some suggestions.

Brig 1975

[Momhelper329]

When you are picking her up from school,sometime in the next week, stop the car and drop her off somewhere in the neighborhood about a 30 minute walk to your houseand leave her there until you get home. Take some time to relax and have some alone time. Then you can come back later and get her. This only works when you are really steaming and angry. It's wort a shot

[phoenixdd]

Thanks for that!  I can relate, it seems like not too many people acknowledge the single parenting thing...its a whole different ballgame.

[hmr82002]

My 9 year old nephew is getting progressively worse.  He started by just throwing fits when he didn't get his way to now verbally and physically assaulting anyone who angers him.  For example the other day, his mom told him no about something and he got angry and started to turn the couch over (with me on it btw), I immediately reacted and told him to calm down, this didn't work.  He then started cussing at me calling me all kinds of names and stating that he wished I were dead, etc.  I mishandled the situation by pouring about 4oz of cold water on him to try to cool him off and he just saw red.  He came after me with a vengeance.  I have bruises from the attack.   His father had to put him in a headlock to get him to stop.  The headlock lasted about 5 minutes and when he was released he immediately ran and got a butcher knife.  I don't know what to do.  I am almost afraid to even visit them.  

He can be as good as gold most of the time, he even will say sorry immediately after he calms down.  His mother keeps telling him that sorry didn't do it.  Nothing seems to work.  Taking things away, spanking, grounding, etc.  

I have suggested inpatient counseling as the at home therapy doesn't seem to be helping.  He constantly says he wants to kill himself or others.  He is only 9 but weighs about 160 lbs. My fear is that by the time he is 15-16 he will end up in juvenile hall, or the pen or dead If something doesn't change.  My sister states she is worried about the inpatient counseling as she has heard it could make things worse.  I told her that I don't see how it can get much worse without something seriously wrong happening.

[delgadoc]

sorry, I know you wrote this many years ago but I am currently having the same problem with my son. I am wondering did anything you do help with the behaviors you explained. I am holding on  to my sanity by threads.When I read your post it sounded like my son.  Thank you

[Sandman2]

     We have seen kind of similar things before when newborns are introduced into a house where the other child had been the sole attention getter.   This is even a worse situation for the 4 year old because virtually everything is new.  This does not excuse her behavior, but it does explain a lot of it.
     First, she probably really needs some more attention focused on her ( as much as it might hurt you).  One thing that might really help is to help her learn how to deal with anger.  Most kids of this age do not.   There is a wonderful set of books that really may help. I would look into buying "Cool down and work through anger" or "When I feel angry". This is part of a series of books aimed at 4 to 7 year olds and meant to be read to them at night (several times) and then practiced.  Kids do need to be taught how to deal with anger.  You do not try and use these techniques while she is being bad.  But once she stops or later on in the day - you can refer back to them or pull the books back out.
You can find them here -  http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_5
    The other positive is that since these books are meant to be read aloud - it can be a special time between you and her just before she goes to bed.  And you will also find listed on the same amazon page - books like "hands are not for hitting", etc.  which also might be a good idea.
     The final thing is that you and your BF need to get on the same page as to discipline.  This is super important.   Get the book, "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.   And follow it.  It will help you and your BF a lot.
Good luck!

[tiffy2245]

Well to start me and my bf have been together a little over a year. we live together and he has a daughter(4) and I have a daughter(3) and a son(10m). Im at my ends wit to the point id say I hate his child. She beats up on my daughter and has committed horrible sexual acts twd her forcefully. She has also shook my baby boy and shoved his head around when were not looking. She goes out in front of other people and everyone thinks shes so great and I quote "shes a angel' pishh...ya ok. ive told her father she needs a therapist help and he refuses to take her saying he doesn't like them. She also treats me like dirt and when I disapline her she laughs in my face and says she does what she wants...I seriously think shes possessed...im scared to be in my home with her. She constantly is zonig out into space when ur talking to her. Shes told me she hates me and my kids. im to the point I feel I need to leave. Everyone thinks im crazy but tey don't see it. I don't know what to do anymore.