7 year old daughter with innappropriate social behavior

[SLD143]

My 7 year old (an October-born baby)is in the 1st grade. She has soared academically, however, socially is in trouble.

I received a call from her teacher concerning behavior that is inappropriate for her age: chasing boys and kissing them, showing an overabundance of affection towards 2 boys in particular (at one point she has "licked" one of them on the face). The boys don't like the attention and have told my daughter so. This doesn't seem to deter her. The teacher has also always made clear the "social boundries" my daughter should adhere to, as have my husband and I, but it doesn't appear to be making any impact on her. She vies for the attention of adults (both in school and at home) and it doesn't seem to matter that the attention-getting appears to be negative. As of late, things have worsened. She (my daughter) has been making inappropriate comments in school. One comment brought to my attention happened while the teacher's husband attended class one day to help out with picture-taking. My daughter went up to him very quietly and whispered in his ear that he should "take a picture of Mrs. X's Butt!" - to which neither the teacher OR her husband found funny. Understandable.

Over the years, my daughter has shown an (almost) strange and overwhelming amount of affection to her friends (picking them up, squeezing them, hugging them a "little too tightly", yelling/hollering/screaming for them when she sees them from afar) - so much so that her friends almost run from her when they see her. She's super physically affectionate with them. And that's almost an understatement. Every single time I talk to her about personal space and what's appropriate and what is not appropriate. Conversely, she shuts most of her loved ones out (me, her dad, her sisters, her grandparents), so that we NEVER see this kind of affection...

She's a wonderful kid. We tell her so often this is why this sitution is so hard to handle.

We have a home where both parents work so that there is structure and balance, there is VERY minimal TV exposure (PBS and occasionally the Disney channel in the mornings) so we are completely blind-sided as to where this behavior is manifesting from.

I have always thought that she was socially immature for her age (but not to this degree) - and it has been somewhat masked because on the opposite end of things, she is over-the-top intelligent (she's been reading since she was 4 years old and is now reading high-level chapter books - though not always comprehending them easily), her math skills are exceptional, as well as her comprehension of concepts.

This behavior has me stumped and I so badly want to help her. Does anyone have ANY clue where behavior like this could be coming from? And how I can approach her about it?

help -

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The rather indiscriminate bid for attention that you describe is likely indicative a very delayed social development. It stands in sharp contrast to your daughter's more developed cognitve abilites. But it is really not unusual for a child to be advanced in one area of development and not so advanced, even delayed in some other area(s). To pin this all down, arrange an evaluation with a child psychologist or even with a developmental pediatrician. Beyond this, setting some very firm limits will be needed because, left to her own devices, your daughter will continue to act in these inappropriate ways and this willl gradually alienate children. So, while she seeks more attention, she will actually receive less and this will fuel her behavior even more. There should be a firm limit on touching other people; she should not be permitted to do this. The teacher will have to enforce this and be prepared to place her in time out immediately if she violates the rule. She can also be placed on a reward system, focusing on achieivng her reward each day she refrains from touching others in the ways you described in your note.

[dmcshe]

My daughter is also 7 and although she isn't doing quite what your daughter is doing in the way of inappropriate touching or affection, she does vie for attention, regardless if it is negative or positive, and especially from adults, teachers, counselors etc.

I believe she is socially immature as well.  She does well academically, but socially she is delayed. We are seeing a therapist with her to try and help with this, and he suggested role playing or using puppets to demonstrate what is appropriate and/or inappropriate and story telling using the puppets.

[just_plain_fae]

Hello, I have taught four/five year olds for the past five years.  I hate to suggest it, but is it possible that your child has been the subject of some form of abuse?  Her actions are somewhat suggestive -- excessive hugging and physicalness, kissing, licking, talking about "butts" in an inappropriate situation.  Her unusual brightness and giftedness in reading would seem to bring her attention, but that is not the kind of attention she seems to be seeking.  You might try to ask her about this with open questions such as "I see you kissed Jimmy on the playground today.  Will you tell me what else you know about kisses?"  It is very important that she not feel "in trouble" during your discussion.  If she says something that you are not sure if it "means anything" you can ask for details:  what did that look like? (smell like, taste like, feel like).  If she answers reasonably, then it would be something to take seriously.  I truly don't mean to scare you, but some of the signs are there and deserve to be looked into.

[mommymom]

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