7 year old daughter

My 7 year old daughter is pretty, smart, outgoing...  but she has a lot of anger that only seems to be directed at her 4 year old sister and me, a single parent.   She has temper tantrums at least once a week when she screams and cries and says mean things. She knows exactly what to say to be hurtful(you are a bad mother) or get sympathy (everyone hates me!) She also is mean to her sister most of the time.   I think it goes beyond normal sibling rivalry.  Lately she has been refusing to eat at most meals, and seems to be overly concerned with "being skinny."  She weighs herself, and has not been eating her lunch or breakfast at school.   I have told her that she can talk to me about anything, and I ask her what is making her so angry but she just says she doesn't know. I feel like all we do is butt heads.  She does calm down after her tantrums, but they can last an hour or more.  I hate to see her so upset.  Any advice?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear e,

You should seek professional help for your daughter right away. Such concern about her weight, refusing to eat meals, etc. are highly unusual and alarming behaviors for a seven-year-old. Some situations which we address can be helped by simple education or guidance; others really require face-to-face professional evaluation, and I would encourage you to seek this.