Tomorrow is my daughter's 7th birthday. Lately we have been seriously struggling with her and her behavior. Numerous behaviors--not listening, being lazy, arguing, saying mean words to any member of our family, showing hate and annoyance to her 3 year old brother, expecting "gifts" or special items from anyone (especially now that her birthday is tomorrow-she thinks everyone will be bringing her something and is disappointed because she is only having 2 friends coming over for a slumber party-less presents, right?).
My biggest concern is that she acts as though she can be happy, sad, and all of the in betweens every day. There is no set routine to her behavior. She scared me today-one because I became so upset that I had so much to hold back on when she decided to throw a fit in the store. We were at the store for her birthday items for the party-and she expected to buy a toy with her own money. After spending 30+ minutes-and all she wanted was a stuffed animal (which I told her no more because she has over 100)--I said we will discuss toys later then. We had other things to do. She wouldn't hear of it and literally screamed in the store-tears pouring down her face-repeating herself over and over about how she wanted something. At that point, I thought-why should I have a birthday party for her. My confusion is whether or not that is RIGHT to take a birthday party away when a child behaves inappropriately.
I find myself not hard enough on her-and then at times feel that I can be too hard on her because I am just so fed up with it. Nothing gets through to her. She has no more toys in her room. She has yet to earn anything taken away back-so they have been given to charity. I am just at my wit's end on how to deal with this. She just doesn't seem to appreciate things-cannot accept gratitude for the nice things she has done, etc. etc.
There is some sort of wall there and I don't know how or why.
Is this normal?
What signs do I need to look out for to make sure there isn't an underlying problem i.e. OCD, Bipolar, abuse, etc?
I love my daughter dearly and everything I do is for my kids--I just need help here.
I will be calling our counselor and see if we can begin scheduling routine visits for my daughter--hopefully that, too, can give us some insight.
Sounds like you are too hard on her, it wouldnt hurt for her to have taken longer in the srtore would it, it was about her Birthday. There is a bit of a power struggle going on, you can back of any confrontation that arise or they blow up out of proportion,dont take her birthday party away from her, that will only hurt her. How about you get her Dad or Family members do more with her, as you 2 clash get other people more involved in her life.
Clearly, yes, there is some question as to whether I am too hard on her. I am very aware of some power struggles that go on between her and I, however, being that I made a point a few instances during this time of shopping for a present (which was NOT for her birthday-it was allowance money), to inform her I was getting tired, my back was hurting and we had many other things to take care of that WERE for her birthday party--and she refused to acknowledge anybody else but herself. That is the respect issue we tend to squabble over--and it isn't about me--it is about EVERYONE. I LOVE my daughter very very much--and am told that I SPOIL my daughter and that is why she is the way she is. Everyone tells me this--so as I begin to see some bad behaviors in her, I realize I need to step back and start enforcing some sort of punishment. Taking toys away has since proven to not matter--the birthday party being taken away was a thought and only a thought...and I was extremely upset that I even had to consider it. But because I was at a loss on what to do in the immediate moment-that was the initial decision.
Of course, she had her birthday party yesterday--but the whole day, I lead her to believe she wasn't having it...and then it became a surprise and let me tell you...she was much more appreciative of what I did for her-as she ran up and gave me a hug and told me she loved me.
I hate having to be hard on her--but we clash because she is a lot like me. Independent-Intelligent. She was reading chapter books in the beginning of 1st grade! She is very smart and knows what she wants when she wants it--and if anyone of authority, she clams up or is defiant.
In this case-I had to be hard on her. I was upset, tired, in pain, and extremely busy.
But after all was said and done-that evening she still had her birthday dinner and was sang to at the restaurant and received her birthday gifts along with having her friends over.
I appreciate the advice--but taking longer in the store wasn't an option given the fact we had many other things to do to prepare for this party and get home in time to get ready for the birthday dinner that was to also include her grandmother. We had reservations.
Shopping for a toy at that time was NOT for her birthday-it was a favor I promised the kids so they could spend their allowance money.
And my response to getting more family members involved in her life--unfortunately, it is me and the kids. Her dad works 6 days a week-Sundays are his only day with the kids-and part of the day spent taking care of household chores he needs to take care of-the lawn and yardwork, etc. Grandma is a business owner and is rarely available-and all other family members live out of town. Believe me, I realize the importance of my kid spending more time with their dad or their grandma--but again, things like this are not always an option and we have to find a way to get along with each other and make the best of things to the best of our abilities.
Just to clarify--this behavior took place in the store the day BEFORE her birthday--so it was in no way her birthday. The birthday dinner was being done a day early because the next day-her birthday-her friends were to come over for a slumber party.
We were trying to get all things done and prepared a day early so we had the rest of the following day to enjoy her birthday to the fullest!
Glad she had her party, and she was happy as she ran to kiss you,it does seem to all fall on you, have you asked Granma to help even if she is a busy person ,doesnt need to be every week even ,When Dad gets home has he a little time to spare reading a story or playing a Game or Drawing.You know kids people see as spoilt are very often the ones with some behavioral issues.You saythere are other kids ,has she a younger sibling or an older one if its older can they do stuff together or is there competion there. You daughter does sound intelligent to be reading so early I have known bright kids need their little Brains stimulating more.
Yes, I have a 3 year old son as well. That was always my fear in having another child-hence why the 4 year gap in age--I didn't want my daughter to feel left out or as if she was in need to compete for either one of our love. She is my miracle baby--took a long time to have her through many complications and here she is!
Anyhow-my husband and I butt heads a lot because of this.
I am a very aware person as to how my kids are feeling or what they are needing.
I came from a horrible childhood-abuse, neglect, drugs-everything a child shouldn't experience.
It is my goal in life to show my children love, patience, kindness, and every positive thing that I wished to experience as a child myself.
I feel that I do a fairly good job--however, my daughter has since become my fall back. As she is much like me--we do butt heads a lot--and as I am an emotional person--I clam up from any type of anger or stress. This is something I am seeking counseling for-so I can heal from my past and become a better parent to both of my children.
I ask my husband to take time out for the kids together and individually on a regular basis--it's hard, because I feel like I shouldn't have to continuously remind him of who is important in his life and what they need.
My mother-their grandma--too busy. There is no getting through to her. In fact, yesterday was HER birthday and I had a big seminar to attend to at work today that i had asked her assistance with the kids in advance. Because she drank too much and stayed up too late--she could not help with the kids today.
Something always comes up with her-and it is always on her schedule. If she has any time at all it almost always coincides with my availability or what have you. She rarely comes to our house to visit the kids-actually-she never comes to our house to visit the kids--she came to our house for my daughter's birthday and stayed for about an hour and then left-on top of it, she didn't even give my daughter her birthday gift-and realized this yesterday and went to give it to her only to find that it had broken.
Besides the point, really--but the bottom line is she is not available for one on one time ever--and it really is frustrating.
My husband's parents are homebodies. They have 20 something grandchildren-a few great grandchildren--and they are in their 50's-60's but say they have been there done that and no longer want to have kids around (babysitting). They especially don't see the importance of one on one time. They are just not those type of people.
I did end up taking my daughter over there last Tuesday and she spent the whole day all by herself with her grandma and grandpa doing crafts and such. She enjoys that-the unfortunate part is that it happens about once or twice a year.
All other family lives out of town.
I have pondered on creative thoughts on how to make life easier for all of us numerous times.
The key things in my mind at all times-each and every day-are my children's happiness and well being.
Sometimes-we parents find ourselves at a loss with options of what to do and need advice of other sources--which is where I came upon this website.
And yes, it all falls upon me.
I am the one who works, takes care of the kids, cooks, cleans, stays up all night with the kids when they are sick (my son had an asthma attack last night and we have been up ALL night with breathing treatments and such), takes them shopping for clothes, and whatever else we need to do. As you can plainly see--I run as though I am a single parent much of the time.
And my exhaustion coming from the other day--is partly because I found out I was getting a cold, and all the other things I had to run and take care of THAT day.
Thank you for taking the time to reply back to my posts.
I appreciate being able to vent out some things.
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