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7 year old son sexually focused - worried
About a week ago we found out my just turned 7 year old had figured out how to watch the adult channel on our TV and did so on more than one occasion with his 4 year old little sister. We have since blocked the channels (never think they are too young to figure it out, these kids are way more advanced these days). Since then we have tried to talk to him about what he saw while also not trying to make a huge deal of it but explaining that the things he saw ( and we don't know for sure but we can imagine) are not things that someone his age should see and that only married people who deeply live one anothe do.
Any way the next day we found them taking pictures with their kid ipad of their privates,. Again we reinforced what was ok and what wasn't and that our privates are just that, for no one else.Well tonight they were caught in their underwear before bedtime and looked guilty. When my husband pried he admitted to licking her and she to him. I am absolutely sick. What to do we do from here! I am devastated as is my husband. Help.
Any way the next day we found them taking pictures with their kid ipad of their privates,. Again we reinforced what was ok and what wasn't and that our privates are just that, for no one else.Well tonight they were caught in their underwear before bedtime and looked guilty. When my husband pried he admitted to licking her and she to him. I am absolutely sick. What to do we do from here! I am devastated as is my husband. Help.
As a mother and grandmother, I understand your concerns.
Personally I would NOT refer your child to any mental therapist.
I would suggest that you keep an eye on your children.
He unfortunately viewed the adult channel and he is or the two of them are "trying out" what they saw. You have told them that that is wrong and they should not do it and leave it at that.
What I can't understand is, why was there no adult supervision at all times, or did they come down in the middle of the night and turn the telly on when you were asleep? If you do know that they are watching the TV, and you are not going to be with them at the same time, take the TV control with you so that he cannot change channels. (but better still, unsubscribe those channels).
The more you go on about it, the more it will stick into their mind and he/they will get more curious. They have done the pictures of their private parts and have seen them. This is done out of curiosity and nothing to do with any sexual mental issues.
I presume that at his age there has been no sexual education at school just yet.
There are no doubt books available at the library with regard to the human body and all its parts that will be suitable for his age. And it may be a good idea to get him to look at these books.
Make sure that he cannot gain access to any adult channel, either by not subscribing to it, or hide the controls.
I would keep an eye on them when they are together, by leaving the bedroom door open if you have to, until such time that you can trust him again. I presume that they both sleep in the same bedroom. If they share the same bed, it would be better to get individual bed. Separate bedrooms would be better, but understand that this is not always possible.
Best wishes.
Personally I would NOT refer your child to any mental therapist.
I would suggest that you keep an eye on your children.
He unfortunately viewed the adult channel and he is or the two of them are "trying out" what they saw. You have told them that that is wrong and they should not do it and leave it at that.
What I can't understand is, why was there no adult supervision at all times, or did they come down in the middle of the night and turn the telly on when you were asleep? If you do know that they are watching the TV, and you are not going to be with them at the same time, take the TV control with you so that he cannot change channels. (but better still, unsubscribe those channels).
The more you go on about it, the more it will stick into their mind and he/they will get more curious. They have done the pictures of their private parts and have seen them. This is done out of curiosity and nothing to do with any sexual mental issues.
I presume that at his age there has been no sexual education at school just yet.
There are no doubt books available at the library with regard to the human body and all its parts that will be suitable for his age. And it may be a good idea to get him to look at these books.
Make sure that he cannot gain access to any adult channel, either by not subscribing to it, or hide the controls.
I would keep an eye on them when they are together, by leaving the bedroom door open if you have to, until such time that you can trust him again. I presume that they both sleep in the same bedroom. If they share the same bed, it would be better to get individual bed. Separate bedrooms would be better, but understand that this is not always possible.
Best wishes.
"Any way the next day we found them taking pictures with their kid ipad of their privates,"
"...he admitted to licking her and she to him."
I don't mean to scare you. But kids in the USA can be arrested for engaging in these type of acts regardless of their age. The first quote above could be considered 'Sexting' which is against the law. Therefore, before this situation gets out of control to where other kids are involved, it is best to have your son evaluated by a mental health professional ASAP.
"...he admitted to licking her and she to him."
I don't mean to scare you. But kids in the USA can be arrested for engaging in these type of acts regardless of their age. The first quote above could be considered 'Sexting' which is against the law. Therefore, before this situation gets out of control to where other kids are involved, it is best to have your son evaluated by a mental health professional ASAP.
I stand by my original recommendations. A child viewing pornography can be just as emotionally harmful and devastated as a child who was/is being molested. Obviously, according to your original post, viewing pornography has had a very negative impact on him even with discipline. This is a definite sign that you need to seek counseling for him ASAP. It is best to get this situation taken care of now as this could easily become a legal issue.
Thank you for your response. I can tell you unequivocally that he has not been abused. I say this because we have asked on numerous occasions and aside from that he is in our care whenever he is not at school. I realize this may sound naïve, but I feel more than confident that is not the issue. I do however believe that his viewing of the porn on the television is trapped in his little mind, this is evidenced by the behavior immediately following that incident where as never had there been any issue or behavior as that described above prior to this happening.
There has been discipline, he has lost all of his privileges, every single one of them. The struggle has been making such a big issue of it that he becomes more intrigued, without making too little of an issue. For me the line was crossed when he and his sister touched one another. I am afraid of bringing him into someone, I was really hoping I could get some guidance on how to talk to him, and what to say from here? I can recall at his age playing "doctor" with my friends and while I am scared to death for my baby, I am also not naïve to the fact that the curiosity starts early, I had many incidents of exploration as a young child as have many of my friends whom I have discussed this with. You may be absolutely right but I do have a fear of making too big of a deal with this?
There has been discipline, he has lost all of his privileges, every single one of them. The struggle has been making such a big issue of it that he becomes more intrigued, without making too little of an issue. For me the line was crossed when he and his sister touched one another. I am afraid of bringing him into someone, I was really hoping I could get some guidance on how to talk to him, and what to say from here? I can recall at his age playing "doctor" with my friends and while I am scared to death for my baby, I am also not naïve to the fact that the curiosity starts early, I had many incidents of exploration as a young child as have many of my friends whom I have discussed this with. You may be absolutely right but I do have a fear of making too big of a deal with this?
What is missing from your post is discipline. You need to set appropriate boundaries with your son in terms of what is appropriate behavior and what isn't. Just talking to him without the discipline as backup isn't going to do much good.
On the other hand, the behavior you describe is rather excessive sexual behavior for a 7 year old. I wonder if he is simply mimicking behavior he witnessed on the adult channel as you state or if he was sexually abused. Therefore, I would definitely encourage you to get you son evaluated by a mental health professional to rule out sexual abuse. Not to mention that just witnessing sexual acts such as pornography can be considered sexual abuse. So, if his behavior has been negatively altered after viewing adult programs, this is another reason why he should be evaluated by a mental health therapist.
On the other hand, the behavior you describe is rather excessive sexual behavior for a 7 year old. I wonder if he is simply mimicking behavior he witnessed on the adult channel as you state or if he was sexually abused. Therefore, I would definitely encourage you to get you son evaluated by a mental health professional to rule out sexual abuse. Not to mention that just witnessing sexual acts such as pornography can be considered sexual abuse. So, if his behavior has been negatively altered after viewing adult programs, this is another reason why he should be evaluated by a mental health therapist.
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