7 year old temper tantrums and lying

Hello,

I'm a stepmom to a beautiful 7 year old little girl who seems to be having a hard time lately.  She is very, very intelligent and learns very quickly both in school and at home.  She has been testing me and my husband (her dad) a great deal lately, and I'm concerned because the frequency and intensity of her tantrums and lying is increasing.  Her tantrums are generally over her clothes, what she eats, what she can bring to school, and lately she's resorted to lying to get her way as tantrums aren't tolerated and we don't give in to them at all (never have although her dad has sometimes tried to negotiate and reason with her which does not work either.)  We have tried leaving her at the dinner table to finish her meal (always kid friendly meals - pasta, chicken, veggies) and unless its pizza or dessert she will sit there for up to 5 hours without eating it because she doesn't want it.  She's also gotten very stubborn about her clothing even though all of her outfits are pretty and fit her.  She's increasingly dishonest about her homework and tries to say it's already done when it isn't and when confronted with needing to do it, yet another tantrum ensues.  I'm aware that at this age given her changes in life over the last 5 years that this could be normal.  I'm also concerned though that it could be an indication of some other underlying problem.

We have tried ignoring her tantrums, sending her to her bedroom, giving her time outs, and her dad has tried spankings.  All of these have had varying degrees of success until recently and now they don't seem to stop the tantrum and none of them prevent the future tantrums.  They are worse when I am there alone with the girls in the mornings before school.

Is there reason for concern or is this entirely normal behavior for a 7 year old?  I had thought tantrums complete with yelling, crying and banging fists were less common at 7.

Thanks for your help.  

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

No, the behavior cannot be regarded as normal for a child of seven. However, it is possible to manage it with success. One thing I would suggest right away is to stop forcing her to eat. You are only exacerbating the problem by doing that. Serve the food, make it available for her to eat. After the family has finished the meal, remove the food, even if she has chosen to leave it. Let Mother Nature (i.e., hunger) take care of this problem. Relative to the other behaviors, read Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents (see sosprograms.com) and follow the guidelines precisely. You'll be pleased with the results.