7 year old urinating and defecating in bedroom

[Annabelle106]

My 7 year old step grand daughter has been urinating in her bed room. She has done this for several months to the point of ruining a mattress. The mattress was replaced and plastic bed cover applied. The child removed the plastic bed cover and continues to urinate on the bed. (She purposely pulls her pants down and does this.) Also urinating on the floor and in the closet. She now has starting to defecate in her room, hiding it and smearing it on the walls. She has no answer for her behavior, other than one time telling her father that she did it because he didn't tuck her in bed. I don't understand why any child would do this. She has also urinated at school at her desk because she didn't want to get up from what she was doing. She has also wet herself on the school bus and the other children know it and make fun of her but she seems to enjoy this attention.

[SunshineSlayer]

I can't believe there are still comments here from people saying don't go to a doctor or psychiatrist.  Wow.  These are not small behavioral issues; these are major ones that suggest a severe underlying problem.  It's different if it's just an occasional bed wetting; I'm sure every kid has done that.  It's different when they are actually urinating and/or defacating in/on things that are not their bed.

I work in a capacity where I hear many Department of Child Safety cases and where this kind of behavior is present, 95 percent of the time it is because of one of two reasons:

1)  Autism.  This is an extreme symptom, but not uncommon among autistic children.

2)  Sexual abuse.  Many sexually abused children demonstrate this behavior.

Both of these are definite reasons that if this kind of behavior is chronic, they need to at least be seeing a therapist to try to get to the bottom of it.  With number 1, the child and parents often can't recognize it without a diagnosis and with 2, the child is very unlikely to tell a family member about it.

[plb63]

Though its true many of sexual abuse do have some of these issues, their is environmental, and metaphysical reasons that a young person could be showing these signs of mental illness, as the body changes and as the side of effects of add, fas,   autism spectrum, could all be coming alive. early detection and immediate treatment , is the best way to deel and possibly dworf the mental condition for the future.

[Mom4Evr]

I have recently caught my 6 year old son urinating in a drawer, in his bedroom vent and in hiding places. I simply took him to the side, with no anger, and asked him why he was doing this, as he has been potty trained for a year now, and he gave me a straight forward answer. "I thought I heard a monster in the bathroom and I was scared to go in there." He mentioned that it was dark and something fell in the bathroom, and from then on, he thought there was monsters in the bathroom. After I spoke with him about there being no monsters, and that I would go with him to the bathroom if it made him feel more comfortable. He has stopped urinating in places other than the toilets. He has had me go with him, when it is night time, but both of us has fixed the problem. Just go to your child, as you would another adult, and simply ask them, without anger or judgement. Tell them that you are not going to be angry and that they will not get into trouble. If you are always yelling at your child for inappropriate things that they do, and you never simply have a conversation with them about it, they will never learn to have trust and comfort in telling you anything, no matter how small or minor it may be. Just remember how it was when you were a child; you really have to go back to those days to truly understand their intellect. Parents sometimes do not remember that they are not on the same level of intellect as you, and that is not their fault, it is simply because they are a child. DO NOT go to a doctor or psychiatrist or these issues. They will over-medicate and sometimes blame you.

[Sandman2]

  Very old post, typically we don't hear back from posts this old.  You might try starting a new post with your problem and see what happens . . .

[mil15]

how did you end up resolving this?

[mil15]

Did you end up getting any help?

[CreativeTechnique]

This may put you out somewhat, but can I know the ages of all of your daughters? Also, are they all from their "bio" dad?

[Mumof3girls2015]

Me and my partner have been dealing with this for almost 5 years. It started when she lived with her biological dad for attention. The soiling stopped until about 3 months ago but the wetting has been mainly on than off the whole time. My daughter is fast approaching 9. She seems to enjoy if she's done it and we haven't found it. (She sings around and bounces around the house with glee) we've had her checked medically as she had one kidney removed aged 1 and they found nothing wrong with her.

You name it, we've tried it. Ignored it, shouted, sat and talked, countless appointments but the older she's getting the worse it's getting. We have two other children and she shares the same room as my 4 year old until we move but the smell gets so bad the 4 year old has to share our bed as it gets on her chest. We're taking her back to the doctors on Friday as me and my partner are at breaking point. If her behaviour doesn't change in the next 6 months my partner and two younger children will be moving into another home

[Mumof3girls2015]

Me and my partner have been dealing with this for almost 5 years. It started when she lived with her biological dad for attention. The soiling stopped until about 3 months ago but the wetting has been mainly on than off the whole time. My daughter is fast approaching 9. She seems to enjoy if she's done it and we haven't found it. (She sings around and bounces around the house with glee) we've had her checked medically as she had one kidney removed aged 1 and they found nothing wrong with her.

You name it, we've tried it. Ignored it, shouted, sat and talked, countless appointments but the older she's getting the worse it's getting. We have two other children and she shares the same room as my 4 year old until we move but the smell gets so bad the 4 year old has to share our bed as it gets on her chest. We're taking her back to the doctors on Friday as me and my partner are at breaking point. If her behaviour doesn't change in the next 6 months my partner and two younger children will be moving into another home

[James_Gosling]

I cant believe what I am reading.....
I have been facing this problem with my kid for last several years. I feel sorry for myself for not looking up till now.

Here is my story. My son (8 yr old) has been diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5. Along with rest of the symptoms, he has been peeing everywhere in the house - in front of the bathroom, near the closet, next to his own bed, in the center of the living area, pretty much everywhere. When his younger brother complained about, I didn't believe it. But I once caught him red-handed. Last week one of his friend saw him relieving himself near the bushes of his house. Today another neighbor saw him doing the same too. I really felt let down and started blaming me for not teaching him basic hygiene and self respect. (I am a single dad). Now, at least I know that I am not alone. Neither he nor me are to be blamed. Thanks every one!
I will soon be talking to his psychiatrist.

[specialmom]

So, true confessions here.  When I stayed at my grandparents house, I did something similar in my room there rather than going down tot he bathroom.  The issue was convenience and that I was a little scared to leave the room in the dark.  

Now, that is a simple answer but something I'm wondering if you have any ideas about.  If the bathroom is super close by, if things are well lit for her, if she could be scared at night at all, if she is waking in time to make it all the way to the bathroom, etc.  

Those types of things at that age can contribute to what you describe.

good luck

[mullberrymom]

Similar issue with one of my daughters using the trashcan in the bathroom instead of the toilet. I'm not sure which. They are both honor roll students, have a stay at home mom, both parents in the home, we don't yell or spank, use no blame no shame communication and are very open, I breastfed and practice attachment parenting and am always available to them. I'm completely at a loss with what's going on.

[CrisisMom]

I have a 13 year old stepson who does the same and he is not neglected. We had him in counselling for 18 months, with little to no improvement. The only answer he gives is, " I don't know." He also steals from friends, neighbors, his classmates, us at home constantly for which he is given a consequence. That is when I notice the urinating is most prevalent. It would appear it is his way of "getting even" with us for consequencing his poor decisions. We honestly have tried every level of logic, different kinds of punishments and he is getting worse. What we get from it is that he does what he wants, no fear of repercussions...no concern for what trouble/embarrassment or frustration it causes the other parties involved. Recently we found 2 butcher knives between his mattress and box spring... we've had to install an alarm on his bedroom door that is turned on once he goes in for the evening. It is hopefully a safety measure that will give us enough notice that he is on the move before he does something far more dangerous than peeing or stealing.... :/

[Sandman2]

   Really nice post, and good advice.  Unfortunately, the last post was over a year ago :(  
   But we got lots of similar ones, so please join in.
    Welcome!

[schoolpsych53]

My back ground is in school psychology, so I have dealt with similar issues in the past.  I agree that the first step is to ask your child what is going on.  Many of these children were step children or have experienced broken homes/divorce.  Perhaps they are reaching out the only way they know how.  There may be other traumas going on or abuse that you do  not know about like at school or with distant family members, so sit down with your children and really listen to them!  Find out what is going on and avoid yelling and criticizing them.  Sadly, when your children act this way they may be reaching out for attention that they do not normally get.  There is no easy answer to these problems but they may point to larger issues going on.  It may be as simple as providing positive attention for things your child does well and giving them structure and routine to help them with toileting issues.  But, it may also point to larger issues going on in the home such as abuse or neglect.... Like glittermam for example who described hiding gasoline in the dog house... The issues your family is involved in sound very severe and you probably need professional help right away.  Not all doctors are bad and I am sorry that you had bad experiences as a child.  I believe in prayer also, but God does not help those who sit and wait for a miracle.  He can open doors for you but he will not walk through them, that is up to you.  

[lent29150]

Thank you, I'm going to try one thoes lights you stick on the wall and I can leave on thru the night and see if it helps. My son is 10 and he has just been doing this about six months, but I will not try to embrass him by telling anyone but his father. I did want to get him help, but I am afriad that someone will try to take my child. I could not handle that He has also starting acting up in school so I go there every week to be supportive and since his father his talk to him he has not been as bad. The children at school tease him and I let him know that I have his back no matter what.

[Bethangelbug]

I am a behavioral specialist who actually goes to the homes of children who behave like this and I offer in home behavioral modification. I am not trying to advertise, merely let you know how I come about knowledge. Many times a sudden onset of this type of behavior is an indication of sexual abuse. Not 100% of the time but a very high percentage. There is also a diagnosis called RAD (reactive attachment disorder) which has several other behavioral issuesdisplayed. This diagnosis is not treated like any other because these kids don't respond to consequences like other children. You can find information online about this disorder. I am so sorry you are all.suffering and I can tell you it is not the parents fault. Prayers for you all.

[doreenrael]

You are amazing!!  Thank you for your information and empathy to parents dealing with these real traumatic issues.  I would hire you in an instant.  It's nice of you to take your time to write this informative information.  Thank you

[CRT81]

Your kids are stressed out. Stop yelling at them when they mess up - they're still learning. Show them love trust and support and hopefully they will grow out of it before they need therapy in high school.

[BlueThundercat]

Clearly you've never had to deal with this issue, or you wouldn't be so quick to blame the parents and dismiss their concerns.

[princessann65]

12 year old wets bed and have been told many many times to take off the sheets and mattress pad and put in washing machine to wash.  The other day I kept smelling something awful and began searching her room for wet night clothes.  Found some under the bed, in the drawer with clean clothes, on top shelf in closet, used sanitary pad under the bed.  This child is a honor roll student.  I have talked to her till I don't know anything else to say.  Took her to counseling, she would not talk to her counselor, said she did not need counseling. I have taken her to two counselors, they can't help her unless she talks, will not talk.  HELP!  What's wrong here.

[Katiusha]

Be yoiur child's friend: Just stay away from psychiatric evaluations, stop worrying. He will get out of it someday. Surely he will not be doing this in his 20s. As upsetting as it may be, he obviously is still exploring with this. See it as a stage he is still dealing with. One of my sons played with teddies until he was 11. A cousin of mine played with faeces and urine until she was 7.
Whatever you do stay away from Psychiatrists and especially the Social workers who will immediately blame you for this, claiming you must be upsetting the child somehow, and they will not accept no for an answer.
Let your child be. Stop comparing him. He is what he is, he will someday come round and if he doesn't well, so be it. I sympathize with you though, it must be terrible. But NEVER punish him for it. I remember being 4 and being routinely punished for defecating in my room. They were so harsh that I never had the opportunity to feel like I could explain. yet there was a reason: I woke up in the middle of the night usually, feeling like I needed to defecate. But I was afraid of monsters under the bed. I just needed to have explained this and for someone to have helped me resolve this, by leaving a light on or allowing me to call someone to help me go to the toilet, as I could not face stepping down from the bed; I felt like a hand could grab my feet and I feared this very much. These fears are typical of that age, by the way, as are nightmares. But the humiliation of being punished and never being given a chance to explain, made it impossible for me to process my reasons and to put them into words, to my mother and aunt who, I recall called me a 'pig" (synonymous with filthy in Portuguese). they, like you, thought there was something wrong with me and that I was disgusting and that I was simply upsetting them beyond what was tolerable. the truth is that their approach was worsening the situation. I only stopped this in a different home : I was away from my intolerant aunt (My mother was ok) and I was given a room to share with my brother. Having two single pretty bouncy beds, I was now able to jump from mine to his and from his to the door...without fear... I had teh art of landing some two yards away..  from the 'monsters'  
So you can see that my problem was not mental. I was not being stubborn, and I was not a bad child,. I was a lovely little girl who had been made to feel ashamed of herself and who could not feel safe to express herself. I recall that I felt terribly humiliated and ashamed of myself as their words and behavior and smacking, made me feel degraded. I could not understand why they would simply assume that I was bad. looking back I can see that they were frustrated and they could not understand and that they put that frustration against me, the source of the problem. had they treated me with dignity I would have come out fine the first day. I recall also that I could not bear sleeping in the dirt but I was too scared of the dark... and of the adults. I could not contemplate waking them for assistance. Well, I hope this helps. DO NOT ACCEPT ANY LABELING OR MEDICATION FROM PSYCHIATRISTS WHATSOEVER FOR IT IS A FRAUD AND HARMS YOUR DARLING SON. Good luck, katia.

[Lotx]

I think some of these comments about just loving them unconditionally and avoiding any medical appraisal or treatment are HIGHLY irresponsible. They assume that these parents are not loving and that all medics, psychiatric or otherwise are frauds. These behaviours are way beyond not being able to sleep in the dark or occasional bed wetting and are an indication of a diagnosable medical condition. If a parent knows that , for example, their child is on the autistic spectrum, the child can attend behaviorial classes and schools that help the negotiate situations where they may become violent or afraid and learn to say things like I have to leave  rather than crapping in the middle of the room or hitting other children or their parents. Please do at least get a diagnosis from someone who knows about Autism and Dispraxia or Apraxia and ADHD so that you can understand that condition and try to work with it. Better to know your child is Autistic or maybe has something else like NPD so that you can stop trying to form connections that hurt everyone as they are clinically impossible.  If a child is late bedwetting they may be suffering from anxiety and depression or may even have a neural problem. Like I said. Do find out what is wrong, in a loving way yes, but never the less clinically, it's ridiculous to think that all these highly distressing things can be cured with a hug.

[plb63]

very true and their are more problems that meet the eye, deeper rooted problems of emotional miscommunication with what the brain thinks it sees and not able to except the reality of their environment, along with perhaps missed diagnosis, of add,  autism spectrum of various other mental disorders.    

[lucy500]

Kids are emotionally departed from families,parents,socializing being able to talk to somebody pray yes do that tell your kids to also set down with them let them kno you care its so many parents don't show love not even attention don't even want to tell there kids that you love them daily or give them a hug to help them in what ever they need help in our kids our families need us more than ever give attention more spend time with your children listen to your kids that's important these kids be abused mentally, physically & emotionally plus verbally watch your kids surroundings people are sick watch your husbands they be sneaky touching your little daughters even little boys same thing for women & children get threatened by them cause they tell the children don't say nothing or they Will do whatever your children are first priority it could be someone abusing your children out of home teachers people in your neighborhood one of there family homes see what's on your child mind first if you can't get no information nothing coming out stuff gettin covered up seek professional help don't stress don't live in fear go get help or send them away for help

[at_my_wits_end_2012]

wow... finding this made me realize that we are not alone! My step son is 10 yrs old, has been in Canada for 2 years now with his Father and I. Almost immediately he began breaking things around the house and lying or trying to blame his older sister(15). Although displeased with it, and he was given some consequences for it, I chalked it up to being curious about his new surroundings and possibly being a bit clumsy. Within a couple of weeks he began to urinate in the corner of the landing of our stairwell and blame our 6 year old female dog.... like she could pee on the wall and directly into the corner..... He has always had bed wetting issues.. and we have never reprimanded him for that as I was a bed wetter as a young child.. and grew out of it. We only asked that he take his sheets down to the laundry and wash up before going to school in the morning. He did not... rather choosing to hide the pj's in the drawer and crawl back into the same bed the next night.. of course we caught onto this and decided to try pullups... explaining that this way he would be able to not wet in the bed.. and simply remove the pullup and wash up... long story short.. he has progressed to urinating all over his room... in his toy box, in his back pack in the upstairs hallway, out his bedroom window.... and now even has been hiding his wet pullups in his room....he has also moved onto stealing electronics and destroying them... also hiding them... cassette tapes with mixed music my husband and I were saving shredded to bits in his room.... knives. lighters...cutting holes in his screen with scissors... burning plastic baggies... we have taken him to councelling and to a specialist... he recently tried to say that he was being beaten at home to his principle.. we had the police and CAS come and investigate and close their file after they were satisfied that this was NOT true.... we are living in fear presently wondering what is next.... afraid to let him out of our sight... to sleep at night... my husband has hide the gas for our lawn mower inside the dog house in our back yard just incase.....he NEVER does these things in our presence... and seems to do it whether he is happy or in trouble for something the first year he was here he did act out a bit at school... but this year he is achieving major milestones in his learning.. bringing him much closer to his grade level than when he first arrived... frankly we are exhausted...mentally... emotionally... and ready to send him back to Jamaica....we are out of options... he is destroying our home that we are just affording to try and give him the comforts in life....  God help us.... I pray constantly... I just don't know what else to do...... I am sorry to hear that your experiencing similar issues and will pray for you too!!

[glittermama417]

omg, i am in tears reading this bc i am empathize so much. the resentment, the worry about losing a job...i am going thru something similar. I don't understamd why my child pees in his closet, against the wall, in the garage, on he bathroom floor... have u looked into bipolarism ? we just talked here about how it seems our child is reverting to being a baby. i don't understand . i am so isck of the smells, the ruined clothes, wasted food...i'm sorry u are dealing with this.

[motterson]

thank god I'm not the only one, but it does look like the professionals don't know what to do with this either. Some of the same behavior others have mentioned, and trying to get me fired from jobs bying pooping in her pants up to five times a day so that I have to be repeatedly called out of work. The "solutions" have ranged form blaming me to trying to tell me that this was normal behavior (oh, look, it's normal, problem solved, child cured). absolutely frustrating, honestly, it's ruining my whole family's life. We can't go out or do anything, she soils herself on the way. There are a whole host of other behaviors including eating like a baby with her fingers and getting it all over her face and making deliberate messes, dumping out soaps and shampoos, deliberately and excessively wasting food, bullying her brother and other children. There is nothing medically wrong with this child, she is not abused. is there anyone who can help? I'm on two different andtidepressants at this life, my 8 yr old is ruining my life and her little brother's, and it's very deliberate. I work in a school myself, am a paraeducator, am experienced in behavior mod programs, and none of it works on her.

[Penguin1456]

Have you considered that she may have ASD? Or a sensory processing disorder? http://talentsofautism.com/?p=4258
If it is deliberate it could be a protest or that she is doing it out of angst because she doesn't want to be doing whatever it is that she is being made to do, the autistic spectrum is so varied and people are all affected differently.
My daughter is currently being assessed for ADHD and autism spectrum disorder, she pooed in the garden and this is how I came across your post, try not to tell her off or anything because there must be a reason for the unusual behaviour whether it is because she needs the sensory stimulation or if it is in protest to something it is most certainly not just because she is "naughty" even if it is attention seeking that in itself is something that needs to be addressed.
I hope the link helps you :-))

[zajennif]

My almost 9 yr old son continues to sneak and defecate in strange places.  He seems to have a fascination with feces and I find myself repulsed by my own son.  He will find toys and defecate in them along with urinating in toy boxes, backpacks, etc.  He also displays very oppositional behavior.  We have tried every means of discipline that we know...behavior modification, "grounding", and even spanking.  My husband and I have taken him to the doctor, which prescribed him Vyvanse, a stimulant to treat ADHD.  He does have other behavior problems and trouble in school, but I have to say this one bothers me the most.  Thankfully, he shows a love for animals, which helps to console me against one of my biggest fears where he's concerned, violent behavior.  Has anyone experienced this with their child and if so, has a professional diagnosed him/her.