7-year-old with anger outbursts

My son is a bright, helpful, loving child.  He loves to read and has a great imagination.  He's 7-years-old and is in 2nd grade.  He is a bit shy and takes a while to warm up to new people. He has had 3 anger outbursts since the start of school this fall.  It generally involves a classmate who has a crush on him.  My son's teacher has tried to keep the little girl away from my son but the girl always seems to get her comments in one way or another.  (They also ride the same bus home from school.) The last incident resulted in my son pulling her hair and preparing to grab at her face.  My husband and I have asked our son what happens and what he feels when he's around this girl and he explained that when he sees her he starts thinking, "She's gonna bug me.  She's gonna bug me."  Then when she does he said he "all of a sudden" gets so angry he wants to "thrash her".  He has said that he just wants her to leave him alone.  He hates being the center of attention.  When an episode occurs he generally clams up and won't speak to anyone except us.  This baffles the teacher and prinipal.  The school counselor had taught him that when he's angry he should be like a turtle and try not to speak so I think that's what he's doing. Today the school told me that my son is being moved to another class and that there will be a child assessment meeting on Thursday involving myself, his teacher, the principal, the school psychologist and the special education teacher.  I feeling overwhelmed and just want to help my son control his anger.  Please, please help me!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Tania,

If the problem is confined to the several occurrences you mentioned, it is likely not a cause for alarm. Approach the meeting at school with an open mind and curiosity about what has occurred, and see what the various staff members have to say.

Sometimes, with children who tend to be shy, they suppress feelings of anger and irritation, dwelling on the irritant and 'getting themselves in a stew', so to speak. It sounds like your son got himself worked up about the prospect of a problem before it even occurred, and then responded disproportionately when the girl bothered him. This manner of handling the anticipation of problems can be managed fairly readily, so I don't expect it's going to be too difficult to help your son.

[Tania]

Thank you for responding so quickly to my inquiry.  It amazes me how easily we adults can also "get ourselves into a stew" over situations.

I appreciate your advice. Thank you again.