7 year old with major attitude

I have a 7 year old son, who thinks he can "run" the house when is father is at work.  When I ask him to do something he ignores me, it gets to the point where i have to "yell" at him to do something.  There has been several times where he has tried to hit/kick me because he does not get his way.  He is constantly hitting, kicking, and pushing his 5 year old sister.  When "Dad" is around he acts like the perfect angel.  Not only does he do this at home, but he does do these things at school to.  He refuses to stop talking during class, and when the teacher says something to him or to myself, he starts to yell, and the throwing of things and kicking begins.
I am just near the end with him, i don't know what to do.  I have had several people that i know (police, and military) talk with him about his behavior, but nothing is helping.  I am mentally, and physicaly on the verge of sending him off to military school.  Please help me, how can we over come his problem without spending tons and tons of money on military school?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You should arrange an evaluation with a behavioral health clinician who specializes in the treatment of childhood behavior disorders. You need a sytematic method of managing the behavior, and on your own you won't be able to manage this.

[Natta1980]

When you ask him to do something, do you follow through? Do not yell, just follow through. He ignores you when you are asking him to clean up - repeat your request, if he ignores you, take his hand, and walk with him and clean up. Do not make requests unless you plan to follow through with them. My husband often does not follow through - he continues to lay on a couch and read, and ask my son for the 10th time to do something. Son, of course, could care less. I ask one time, then ask to "put listening ears on", and ask again, then prompt to follow my direction.
He've learned that he can avoid doing things by kicking and screaming. Do not let his behaviors to help him to get out of things.

By the way - when his father is home, does he listen to you, treat you with respect? In my case, my son's compliance deteriorates very quickly if he sees even a bit of disrespect toward me, coming from my husband. My husband engages in "behaviors" in order to get out of doing things as well, probably more so than my son.

By the way, my hubby was sent to a military school for similar reasons - it neither helped his with his coping skills nor enchanced his respect for his mother, just added to his abandonement issues.


Good luck with everything:)