Aa
A
A
Close
Avatar universal
7 yo girl touching adult in an inappropriate way
I have a 7 year old niece who at times acts in a very precocious manner. In the last several months, she has behaved in the inappropriate way with me (a 45 year old male) on more than one occasion.  She attempted to pull my bathing suit down on one occasion when we were swimming together in a public pool. On another occasion, she touched my genital area. Each of these incidents were totally spontanious and caught me completely by surprise. I explained to her both times that this was inappropriate behavior and told her not to do it again.  Despite my initial admonitions to her regarding her behavior, she recently touched my genital area again while I sitting in a hot tub right along side her parents. I immediately removed her hand from me and gave her very stern look. Obviously her parents were unaware of their daughter's activity that had just taken place just out of their sight under the surface of the water. I have never done anything to encourage this behavior. Rather, I have made every attempt to discourage this behavior and have made it clear to her how inappropriate her actions were. I am very fond of my niece and we have enjoyed a wonderful, completely normal relationship, up until the time these incidents began happening. I regret having to limit or even discontinue my relationship with her if this behavior continues.
Is this behavior normal curiosity for a 7 year old girl or is this indicative of a more serious underlying problem.  I want to mention this to her parents but they are of the kind of people who will not receive this very well. Her father is a very controlling personality and is extremely strict with her and her sibling brothers and can be unreasonable at times when it comes the misbehavior of his children.  Although, I know that strict discipline is maintainted with their children, I have not seen any proof of physical abuse. Nonetheless, the daughter has recently displayed extreme visable distress at the prospect of receiving discipline and becomes extremely upset whenever any of her siblings are about to be disciplined.
I would appreciate any advice on this matter. I mentioned earlier in this piece that I care very much for my niece and her other siblings and I am concerned about the posibility of any underlying problems that may be causing her to act out in the way she has been lately.  
Cancel
7 Answers
Page 1 of 1
134578 tn?1483549754
Wow, what a problem.  Do you think the discipline covers sexual abuse in the family, or do you think she might be getting abused by someone else?  You're going to be in a bad spot, because if they don't believe you (and they won't want to), they will blame you and cast you in the role of sleazy Uncle Henry who can't be trusted around the kids, when the kids sound like they need you a lot.

Can you work with someone else in the family who trusts you, to see what is happening for those kids?  It is possible that someone else has had this happen.

I don't think it is normal for a 7-year-old to behave this way, at all.  I knew someone who was being molested by her uncle (sorry, but that is who it was) when we were kids, but we were too young to know what it was that was happening (he would pin her on the bed and not let her up and grind against her while she asked him to get off her).  She went on to be very "boy crazy" acting and very inappropriately sexualized for her age.  It sounds to me like something has been happening to this girl.  At 7, I would have no more tried to touch the genitals of another person than the Man in the Moon.

If you have no other family member to help you, I'd go to an attorney experienced in family law, and ask for some advice.  I'd also go to a family therapist and tell what has been happening and ask if there is any way you can address this to help the kids without being cast as the evil one.

If you get kicked out of the kids' lives, you are going to take away something they need, so this is a very delicate thing.  
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
1350925 tn?1277388125
Sounds like the girl is being sexually abused. It isn't normal for kids to act like that at that age. She needs help. If she has done it more then once, there is deffinantly somthing going on. Good luck.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
535822 tn?1443980380
May I ask if you know she does this kind of thing why you dont steer clear of her, for her to do what you describe you are in close proximity...and yes speak to her parents tell them what you have said here .....
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Yes. Handle this situation quite carefully! It does sound like classic sextual abuse. An abused child will often confuse mutual affection with sexual affection . Simply telling the parents could do more damage than good. And of corse you dont want to make any accusations if your wrong. Next time it happens TRY not to jump. Show her you appreciate the affection and take it as as a complament but your not interested and see if you can get her to talk. But ask the questions carefully!

If you ask "WHO showed you to do that!" Thats what a parent asks when you did something wrong

Use complementing words. With a smile ask " where did YOU learn THAT?" Or chainging the emphasis on the words like "who SHOWED you that? [stay positive] If she feels like she did something wrong. She will lock up like a safe. Let her know you LOVE HER VERY MUCH its just "YOU" dont like that. I touch [your wifes name] like that some times she even touches me. Who do you touch?

I dunno, Its hard to keep her open without promoting that behavior. TRICKY but thats how id try and handle it

GOOD LUCK!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I think that honesty is always is the way to go, i would  talk to her mother and let her know in a very gentle way and let break the news to her husband.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
********, your family will chalk it up to its best u and niece part ways and it'll all go away! They'll be wrong but expect this, most probable outcome. Your little niece has been in the pool & Jacuzzi with you and has obviously had a good close up of your package and the goods through your clothes. All except you whipping it out and letting her see it, and that's why she's reaching for it. She desires a first hand look. It's normal to be curious, and your reaction is publically commendable, while the 100 million pedofiles that rape and molest 1 of 3 women in this country are foaming at the mouth at thought of being in your position with niece's so curious and all! Look its real simple, save your niece a lifetime of shame and embarrassment and keep it between u2, save your relationship with her since your obviously fond of it! Your close with her and you'll be able to show her why this is not appropriate and later as she gets older she will be glad u didn't tell and she'll respect u for teaching her right and for not taking advantage of her. We were all young once and did things we wished we could do different. She's no different than everyone, and don't be blind and buy into societies version of "she's too young ********" be wise enough to know that age is just a number, and ones curiosity can come at anvihund this is the natural way. IT IS a scientific fact that if a child is old enough to ask a question they are also old enough to at least try to understand the answer. Society wants little girls to be little princesses for as long as possible. No one likes to think of their sweet princesses ***** getting hot and horny and aching and throbbing for sexual stimulation. Even though it happens to everyone. All this stay away and call the cops advice is ********, you don't shame your family for doing what is normal and for doing what all curious people do. U should of been man enough to figure this **** out without posting this about her. Which leads me to believe you're the type that will be more inclined to tell all. But  BEWARE not all are so quick to dismiss your innocence in the matter regardless of u coming forward first. Some won't want u alone with their children if rumors fly you'll be sorry u came forward at all. Many men have experienced this exact thing.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hello, I'm sorry this situation had occurred, you're in a very uncomfortable spot. My little cousin often does this with my grown cousin, she's about 5. Her touching varies from grabbing his genitalia to punching or kicking his genitalia. Children, especially in the newer generation are much more exposed to people bodies, even children as young as 5 or 7 understand that if you touch there it will feel nice and if you kick there it will hurt. Although that behavior is totally unacceptable please try to understand that's normal for a child to do. Even for me as a child I was attracted to my cousins and family member because I didn't understand that, that was wrong. She will grow out of it! In the mean time I feel it's best to sit down with her and explain to her that it's not a good idea to do that, maybe try explaining that you're family members and that, those kinds of things are not acceptable. You could even tell her an excuse like "when you do that it hurts very bad for boys. You shouldn't grab boys there because it can hurt them"

Or use another excuse that can freak her out a little bit, especially if it's making you uncomfortable. As much as I don't think you should tell the parents if you think you need to then you should, your comfort maters a lot! Good luck dude!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Your Answer
Avatar universal
Answer
Do you know how to answer? Tap here to leave your answer...
Answer
Answer
Post Answer
A
A
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Child Behavior Community Resources