7 yr old boy who still needs mommy to put him to bed.

[Debbers]

I rocked him to sleep when he was an infant. I couldn't bare to hear him cry so I'd  rock him or hold his hand when he was a baby until he fell asleep if I needed to. Now, here we are, he's 7 1/2 yrs old. I have to lay in bed with him every night until he falls asleep. We've talked about how he really should be a big boy and go to sleep without me. I've told him if he ever needed me he could just call me. I've told him he's safe that Mom&Dad check in on him..that God keeps him safe at night and there is no reason to be afriad. We've talked about how we enjoy our time cuddling and talking before bed. It's our specail time. I do really enjoy it. But I feel I should be able to cuddle, talk and then say okay time to go to sleep, kiss him goodnight and leave. When I tell him we need to start this he says, "But Mom I thought you liked it to. I love cuddling with you until I fall asleep." He'll cry and say, "Please stay Mommy. I need you to fall asleep."  When he wakes up in the middle of the night he yells for me and won't even TRY to fall back alseep unless i'm there. Every night around 4am he does this. I refuse to let him sleep in my bed for fear of that becoming a routine. I need advice on how to get him to understand that it's time and suggestions on how to go about getting him to go to sleep alone. I have a 4 yr old daughter and I don't want this to go on with her as is has with him. I know I'm to blame. Am I being a weak parent? HELP!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

There's no point in criticizing yourself about this; what has happened is now water over the dam. But, if it's going to get better, it's you who have to change. Your son will improve to the extent that you can make changes in your behavior. It's not a matte rof his understanding anything; it's a matter of you setting a limit and sticking with it. The change can be somewhat gradual, but don't let it drag on for a long time. Instead of actually cuddling with him, sit on the side of the bed for a few days, then sit by his bedside for a few days, then be over by his door for a few days, then leave him to fall asleep on his own. You are right to not permit him to come into bed with you, but you've got to stop deferring to him. You've taught him to go to bed this way; now you've got to teach him (by your behavior) how to go to bed a different way. Be sure to enlist the support of your husband in this as well.

[bostic]

I don't think you should be alarmed about your son still wanting to be put to bed. I have a 9 year old son that wants me to tuck him in the bed everynight. He asks me everynight " mom are you coming to tuck me in"?, he will not turn his light out in his room, he will not pull his covers on him, no matter how cold it may be, he waits for me to do it and if my husband is home during that time he wants my husband to lay with him until he falls asleep. They sometimes talk about how each others day was. He used to get up in the middle of the night wanting to get in our bed but, after saying no for a while he eventually grew out of it.

So don't be alarmed. He will grow out of it..... Good luck...

[Tula]

I hae 6 children they all put themselves to bed the youngest is 15 up until about 2 years ago we prayed with them everynight and tucked them in.  my son is 15 and soon to be 16 he is very well rounded but got really sick last night i felt it important for my hubby and i to pray with him and tuck him in it helped him to feel better and rest peacefully.  do what u think is best just remember they grow up so fast he will be and adult longer then a child.  enjoy every minute of it.
\God bless

[Tula]

also one more thing something that helped our children is when we were done praying and tucking in we promised them we would come and check on them in 10 minutes.  it calmed them and usually they fell asleep in that time but if they didn't they new they could trust us to check on them every 10 minutes until they fell asleep. it really worked try it.. good luck to you