7.5 yr old girl having difficulty going to sleep

[tabster1]

For the past 5 months or so, our 7.5 yr old oldest daughter has had problems going to bed. When it 1st started, it would happen about 1x every 2wks, now it is up to every nite. Our usual bedtime ritual (around 7:30-8 pm)consists of reading and song singing, she goes to sleep in our bed & then we move her to her own bed when my husband and I go to bed. Now as soon as we are done reading and she realizes it's time to go to bed, she starts in screaming that she is a failure and she can't sleep and doesn't know what to do. She is screaming at the top of her lungs, keeping her younger sister awake also. This can go on for hours. We have tried spanking, grounding, taking away priveleges, sleeping with a light, but nothing seems to work. During the day she seems normal and happy.  She is a very bright little girl with lots of friends but can be very anxious and nervous also.  She says the only thing that will help her sleep is if one of us sleeps with her.  I don't want to do that b/c I think it would create a bigger problem. We have no way to keep her in her bed. When we tell her to get back in bed she just stands there and doesn't listen, crying and yelling all the while. Once we get her tucked back in, she will reappear within 15 min. and the whole cycle repeats itself, going on for hours. She won't get to sleep until 11 pm and then she may be back up at 4 am and the cycle repeats again. No amount of yelling or scolding scares her. I have gotten right in her face and told her not to move or scream and it still doesn't work. I have even gotten the video recorder out and taped her to show her how silly she looks having this tantrum.  I feel like a crazy person at the end of the night b/c my emotions are so shot from dealing with her.  When i ask her what's wrong, she's says she hears noises outside (cars, motorcycles, trains, etc.) I try to tell her those noises don't stop just b/c she is going to bed.  We have even told her to read a book on her own before she sleeps, to calm her down. But she won't hear of it. She would rather yell and scream and cry and carry on for hours. She says she lays down and can't sleep. But she doesn't even give herself 5 minutes to lay in bed and relax. I don't know how much of this is a real fear or if she is just playing us. School will be starting soon and we need this to end.  Please help!!! Thanks.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You have been prudent by not cooperating with your daughter's request that you sleep with her. Now is the time to change the habit that had developed - her going to sleep in your bed. She should be going to slep in her own bed. You'll have to bite the bullet to correct this downturn in your daughter's bedtime behavior, but you will succeed if you persist. Here are two practical steps you can take. Continue your regular pre-bedtime routine and, when it is time for bed, give her an ultimatum (spoken calmly): either get into her bed (not your bed) or sit in a time out chair until she is prepared to go into her bed. In addition, establish a contingency system whereby some activity she enjoys daily (e.g., viewing televisio,, having a friend over) is 'earned' by accomplishing her bedtime plan (including remaining in her bed during the night). Be sure to stick with the plan; don't expect overnight success.

[ErinF]

I guess I wonder why you're letting a 7 year old control you in the first place.  I think ignoring her would be your best bet.  She's probably only doing it because it gets her attention, and the more attention you give, the more she'll do the behaviors.  You're reinforcing that she gets what she wants if she DOESN'T go to bed or stay in bed...which is coddled and fawned over.  It will stop if you don't feed it.

[Annalise]

My son also had problems falling asleep when he was in kindergarten.  We run a small fan in his room to cover noises, and he has several CDs of soft piano music that he plays at a low volume on his boom box.  Plus at the time, our pediatrician put him on Benadryl at bedtime.  I can't remember what the doses were, but we started out at a higher dose, and over the course of a week tapered it off.  Perhaps check with your daughter's doctor to see if her or she will make a similiar recommendation.