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8 YEAR OLD ANGER PROBLEMS
My daughter is 8 years old. She is highly intelligent and can be the sweetest little girl. She does very well in school academically but he behavior continues to be a problem. She has a hard time dealing with her frustration and anger. One moment she can be fine and the next minute she could be destroying a room. I could tell at the age of 1 that something was different about her. She has always had anger issues and is always getting kicked out of school. No one really seems to have any answers for me. She has been on medications since she was 3 years old. We have tried every ADHD/ADD med that is out there nothing seems to work. She is currently on Depakote, Seroquel, Clonodine, Focalin, and Zoloft. We have been to a neurologist and everything came back great. She was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for children and we did not get any answers there either. They think she may be bipolar but they say she is too young to diagnose. I know something is going on with my daughter and it is so hard as a parent because I can not get the answers we need. Is there genetic testing out that can give us answers? We go to the doctor and it seems like they just see me as this young mom who doesn’t know what I am talking about.
She has a very short fuse and she will become very moody without warning. When she is angry she is destructive. She will not touch me or her father but she will go after anyone else. We discipline with time outs, losing privileges, and chores. She will breaks things when she is mad. She will go up to another child in the family and just hit them for no reason. She will scratch herself but not to where she is bleeding. It is almost like she clenches her fist when she is frustrated. When she goes into her rages it is almost impossible for her to come out of them. She started urinating on the floor a few months ago. I am not sure why she is doing it. The only reason I can come up with is because it is something she can control. But I could be wrong. I try to be consistent with disciplining her as I can but it is hard with other children in the house. Her younger brother is starting to act out. We are not sure if he has the same problems, but I am sure it is learned behavior. She does a lot better when she is one on one. I honestly do not think she has ADHD but they keep telling me I am wrong. She has been diagnosed with ODD as well. She is very loving and wants all your time and attention. She sees a play therapist once a week and we are currently on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist.
It is so stressful as a parent to deal with this because most people do not understand. They just look down on you like you are a bad parent. All I want is help in getting answers for my daughter. She can make friends very easily but has a hard time keeping them due to her behavior. Most children are scared of her because they do not understand her. When she came home from the hospital it was like she was a totally different child we had some problems with her but for the most part she was getting better. It has now been 5 months since and we are starting to go back to the old ways. I am not sure if she is getting used to the meds she is on or what. But every morning it is a battle with her until 30 min after she has her medicine. She is also very emotional and has high anxiety. She often worries about what other people think of her and will never let it go. She holds on to grudges. I do not like her being on all this medication but what other options are out there. She only goes to school a half a day because she can not handle a full day and now it is getting to where it is hard for her to go a half day. If anyone has any answers or suggestions please let me know. I am desperate!
She has a very short fuse and she will become very moody without warning. When she is angry she is destructive. She will not touch me or her father but she will go after anyone else. We discipline with time outs, losing privileges, and chores. She will breaks things when she is mad. She will go up to another child in the family and just hit them for no reason. She will scratch herself but not to where she is bleeding. It is almost like she clenches her fist when she is frustrated. When she goes into her rages it is almost impossible for her to come out of them. She started urinating on the floor a few months ago. I am not sure why she is doing it. The only reason I can come up with is because it is something she can control. But I could be wrong. I try to be consistent with disciplining her as I can but it is hard with other children in the house. Her younger brother is starting to act out. We are not sure if he has the same problems, but I am sure it is learned behavior. She does a lot better when she is one on one. I honestly do not think she has ADHD but they keep telling me I am wrong. She has been diagnosed with ODD as well. She is very loving and wants all your time and attention. She sees a play therapist once a week and we are currently on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist.
It is so stressful as a parent to deal with this because most people do not understand. They just look down on you like you are a bad parent. All I want is help in getting answers for my daughter. She can make friends very easily but has a hard time keeping them due to her behavior. Most children are scared of her because they do not understand her. When she came home from the hospital it was like she was a totally different child we had some problems with her but for the most part she was getting better. It has now been 5 months since and we are starting to go back to the old ways. I am not sure if she is getting used to the meds she is on or what. But every morning it is a battle with her until 30 min after she has her medicine. She is also very emotional and has high anxiety. She often worries about what other people think of her and will never let it go. She holds on to grudges. I do not like her being on all this medication but what other options are out there. She only goes to school a half a day because she can not handle a full day and now it is getting to where it is hard for her to go a half day. If anyone has any answers or suggestions please let me know. I am desperate!
I have looked into BPD. It is a strong possibility that she has one. She does have a sensory disorder. I just recently found out that occupational therapy is helpful. The school she goes to is starting the paperwork for her to receive it. I also applied for disability for her since there is so much more help that she get. We have put her into swimming lessons but the only problem is she would rather do what she wants to do then listen to the teacher.
I would like to add that the medicine does not make her a zombie. I do not like her being on all the meds she is on but I honestly do not know what else to do. I sit on the computer day and night researching and looking for possible answers. I know she has a sensory disorder. All the signs are there. You can look at my child and she looks like a normal kid because she does not have a physical handicap, its mental. She goes into these rages and you can look into her eyes and she is not there. Most people will not watch her because they do not understand or know how to handle her.
She is currently seeing a play therapist which is not helping. She is on waiting lists to see another pyschiatrist and has been for sometime. It is hard finding help in Oklahoma that does not involve a waiting list. I have all these doctors that say oh she maybe autistic then the other doctors say no shes not. Then they say shes bipolar the other doctors say no. It goes on and on. We are waiting to get accepted into the child study center and hopefully we can get some real answers.
I would like to add that the medicine does not make her a zombie. I do not like her being on all the meds she is on but I honestly do not know what else to do. I sit on the computer day and night researching and looking for possible answers. I know she has a sensory disorder. All the signs are there. You can look at my child and she looks like a normal kid because she does not have a physical handicap, its mental. She goes into these rages and you can look into her eyes and she is not there. Most people will not watch her because they do not understand or know how to handle her.
She is currently seeing a play therapist which is not helping. She is on waiting lists to see another pyschiatrist and has been for sometime. It is hard finding help in Oklahoma that does not involve a waiting list. I have all these doctors that say oh she maybe autistic then the other doctors say no shes not. Then they say shes bipolar the other doctors say no. It goes on and on. We are waiting to get accepted into the child study center and hopefully we can get some real answers.
Hi. I too parent a child that can be volatile. He has sensory integration disorder and there is an area of sensory called "regulation or modulation". This is the area that controls emotions and how we handle them. We've worked with an occupational therapist since our son was 4, he is now 7, and we have had tremendous success. Occupational therapy combines games/activities that work directly on calming the nervous system as well as behavioral issues that exist with children.
Here is something to try. Obviously, you've been dealing with this for a long time so you may have tried some of these things already, so forgive me if this is redundant. First, choices. This is the parent and teacher of a difficult child's best friend. Give choices about everything. A child that tries to control their enviroment (which is often a coping mechanism)----------- will be a more compliant child if they are given choices. You or the teacher control the choices, so you are actually getting her to do what you need her to do. She will feel like she is in control and then will be more apt to do the choice she picks.
Second, a "stress thermometer" system for her to identify how she is feeling and then specific things she can do to make things better. This causes something that is a "reaction" to slow down and this is what you want. Thinking during the process of having a meltdown will make it less likely to blow up completely and less intense. So, this is a simple thing you can do. Draw on a piece of paper a thermometer . . .you know, the kind with a circle at the bottom and then it goes straight up. Then have her color the bottom part green (or her favorite color). This is where she feels "just right". Talk to her and either you or she list what this feels like to her. (descriptive words, content, peaceful, happy, even, etc.) and then put down words for how she looks (smiling, voice the right volume, hands and body relaxed, etc.). Then color the next section yellow (or whatever). This is where she is getting agitated. Again, have her give you phrases for how she feels when she is starting to get agitated and then write down also how she appears (no smile, hands starting to tense, talking faster and louder, etc.). The next section is orange(or whatever). This is where she is visably mad. Again, write down what she feels and looks like. (starting to yell, breathing very fast, hands in fists, eyes squintint, etc.) Last, color the last section red. This is when it is at its worst and she is in a destructive, melt down mode. Write what she feels and looks like there. (be specific even if painful to put it on paper). This is the evolution of her anger. Her goal (and yours until she can do it herself) is to stop it from going to the next level of the thermometer. You or her teacher can also look for the signs that she is leaving her "just right" place on the thermometer and remind her of things she can do to not proceed on the scale of anger.
Some calming things for kids--------- obviously using her words and talking to an adult about what is wrong, having a cool down spot that she can go to where no one will bother her (at home, something enclosed is good like a pop up tent or we use a pillow pile behind a chair, bean bag chairs are very good for this), at school it can be in a corner with a rocking chair there, 'pizza breaths'------ breath in through the nose (smell that pizza) and blow out really hard, square breathing------- breath in for 4, hold 4, out for 4, hold 4, repeat, opening closing fists tightly/firmly, and also oral things are quite calming. A thick piece of chewing gum can slow the process, a piece of red licorice, a piece of jerkey OR blowing into those animals that blow up when you blow into them (bought at grocery stores or wherever) or blowing bubbles. Put down what she can do at each level of stress and have her come up with ideas too. This gives her some power over controling it.
I'd start documenting what has happened prior to the outburst--------- even hours earlier. Sometimes a bad episode on the bus to school causes someone to start the process of being agitated for the rest of the day making it more likely that they will later have a meltdown. Then you can problem solve for things that happen.
YOu have a difficult job as a parent. We all do. Sometimes it seems like we have more than our fair share to deal with. But believe me, you are not alone. I hope this helps.
Oh, and one other thing, physical activity which is often called "heavy work" as it pertains to sensory integration disorder helps regulate the over all nervous system. I'd consider signing her up for things like swimming, gymnastics, soccer, etc. if you haven't already. good luck!!!!
Here is something to try. Obviously, you've been dealing with this for a long time so you may have tried some of these things already, so forgive me if this is redundant. First, choices. This is the parent and teacher of a difficult child's best friend. Give choices about everything. A child that tries to control their enviroment (which is often a coping mechanism)----------- will be a more compliant child if they are given choices. You or the teacher control the choices, so you are actually getting her to do what you need her to do. She will feel like she is in control and then will be more apt to do the choice she picks.
Second, a "stress thermometer" system for her to identify how she is feeling and then specific things she can do to make things better. This causes something that is a "reaction" to slow down and this is what you want. Thinking during the process of having a meltdown will make it less likely to blow up completely and less intense. So, this is a simple thing you can do. Draw on a piece of paper a thermometer . . .you know, the kind with a circle at the bottom and then it goes straight up. Then have her color the bottom part green (or her favorite color). This is where she feels "just right". Talk to her and either you or she list what this feels like to her. (descriptive words, content, peaceful, happy, even, etc.) and then put down words for how she looks (smiling, voice the right volume, hands and body relaxed, etc.). Then color the next section yellow (or whatever). This is where she is getting agitated. Again, have her give you phrases for how she feels when she is starting to get agitated and then write down also how she appears (no smile, hands starting to tense, talking faster and louder, etc.). The next section is orange(or whatever). This is where she is visably mad. Again, write down what she feels and looks like. (starting to yell, breathing very fast, hands in fists, eyes squintint, etc.) Last, color the last section red. This is when it is at its worst and she is in a destructive, melt down mode. Write what she feels and looks like there. (be specific even if painful to put it on paper). This is the evolution of her anger. Her goal (and yours until she can do it herself) is to stop it from going to the next level of the thermometer. You or her teacher can also look for the signs that she is leaving her "just right" place on the thermometer and remind her of things she can do to not proceed on the scale of anger.
Some calming things for kids--------- obviously using her words and talking to an adult about what is wrong, having a cool down spot that she can go to where no one will bother her (at home, something enclosed is good like a pop up tent or we use a pillow pile behind a chair, bean bag chairs are very good for this), at school it can be in a corner with a rocking chair there, 'pizza breaths'------ breath in through the nose (smell that pizza) and blow out really hard, square breathing------- breath in for 4, hold 4, out for 4, hold 4, repeat, opening closing fists tightly/firmly, and also oral things are quite calming. A thick piece of chewing gum can slow the process, a piece of red licorice, a piece of jerkey OR blowing into those animals that blow up when you blow into them (bought at grocery stores or wherever) or blowing bubbles. Put down what she can do at each level of stress and have her come up with ideas too. This gives her some power over controling it.
I'd start documenting what has happened prior to the outburst--------- even hours earlier. Sometimes a bad episode on the bus to school causes someone to start the process of being agitated for the rest of the day making it more likely that they will later have a meltdown. Then you can problem solve for things that happen.
YOu have a difficult job as a parent. We all do. Sometimes it seems like we have more than our fair share to deal with. But believe me, you are not alone. I hope this helps.
Oh, and one other thing, physical activity which is often called "heavy work" as it pertains to sensory integration disorder helps regulate the over all nervous system. I'd consider signing her up for things like swimming, gymnastics, soccer, etc. if you haven't already. good luck!!!!
Here's a possibility - personality disorder. Often children are diagnosed with ODD, anxiety, bi-polar and ADD/ADHD when, in fact, a personality disorder may be the issue. Medical personnel usually do not diagnose personality disorders until adulthood but often the symptoms are seen in very young children.
One site that might be able to help you is "BPDfamily.com" - one of the forum sections is entitled - "Supporting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD" - which might be able to offer advice. Even if your child is not diagnosed with this disorder, many of the behavioural techniques on this board should be able to help you. I might suggest you begin with the "Suggested Reading" section. Anyway, just a thought ...
One site that might be able to help you is "BPDfamily.com" - one of the forum sections is entitled - "Supporting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD" - which might be able to offer advice. Even if your child is not diagnosed with this disorder, many of the behavioural techniques on this board should be able to help you. I might suggest you begin with the "Suggested Reading" section. Anyway, just a thought ...
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