8 Year old still having potty accidents.

[Nicety]

Hi, I'm just curious if anyone can help me? My step brother is 8 years old and he still has accidents. He has had a BM and urinated in his pants on different occasions when he has come to visit his dad. Is this normal? Should a physician be contacted? Thank you.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Sounds like stress....

[AHP84]

No, this is not "normal" for an eight yr. old, however, the concern you have posted is a little vague. Could you provide more information about your stepbrother's personality, how often the boy visits his dad and for how long, how he does in school and other social places, and how he typically interacts with other people? Does he have these accidents anywhere else besides when he sees his dad? How often does he have the accidents when he does see his dad (more than once a day, or less often)?

[CHeimes]

I have to agree with AJH84... this is not normal.  I can understand maybe peeing in the bed when sleeping at that age... but not peeing and pooping in pants when at dads or having to go see dad...

I am concerned.  How often does he go see dad?  There could be something more to this story and w/ dad... I hope it's not what I'm thinking.

Please give more info on dad and how he is when he's with dad.

Thanks!

[confusedinsc]

I too have an 8 year old who will not stop playing long enough to go to the bathroom. We took him to the  psychologist and all she did was asked about my husband and I. a  total waste of time. We've tried grounding him,  taking his things away, I have even put him in diapers, nothing is working.... any ideas?????

[KellyFlink]

My daughter is 7 years old and we have been having problems like you. She can not stay dry at night, so we use pullups. I have started a night time plan where I make her go to the bathroom before bed, I wake her up twice a night, once at 11pm and then again at 3pm and then I make her go in the morning. I hope that in the future she will begin to wake up on her own. She still wakes most mornings wet, but we are still in the first steps... She use to have accidents during the day and just recently is starting to again. I used to think that she is so into what she is doing that she doesn't think to stop and go. I now believe that she doesn't feel the urge to go until it is to late. What I have been doing and recommend is to get everyone involved and have them ask your son to try to go potty or to the bathroom ever hour or two. Pack a change of clothes for school that your son can cary in his bookbag and keep and extra pair with you in the car or in a bag that is easy to get to. Let his teachers know, so that they can also monitor it. This will ease the stress of when he does have an accident, you wont have to stop what you are doing and head on home to change him or leave your job to pick him up from shcool. Also, it will ease the stress on him if he does happen to have an accident in public. I do not think that children want to be wet and smell, I think that they are just as embarassed and ashamed as we are. They are children and keep it in the back of your head that he will not be in his 20's wetting the bed and having accidents. It is just for the time being and eventually he will grow out of it. Hope this helps in some way. :)  

[KellyFlink]

About 15 percent of children in the early grades have daytime accidents. Here are some  ways to prevent accidents and help kids learn bladder control.

First, parents and teachers should recognize that not all children in kindergarten, first grade or even second grade have complete control of their bladders. Children can have unstable bladder contractions that hit them suddenly, where they need to go to the bathroom immediately or they will have an accident

To prevent accidents and decrease stress on the bladder, it is recommended that children go to the bathroom relatively frequently or what may seem to be relatively frequently but is really within a normal range. He offers these tips:

-- During the school day, teachers in kindergarten, first and second grade should encourage each child go to the bathroom every two to three hours. Free access to the bathroom should also be granted for children that need to go at other times.

-- Parents can encourage their child to remember to go at least twice, if not three times, a day -- at morning, lunch and afternoon.

-- It's especially important for parents and teachers to encourage children to go to the bathroom about an hour after lunch. For reasons that are not clear, many wetting accidents occur from 2 to 5 p.m.

Parents and teachers can provide additional support to minimize the stress or embarrassment of a wetting accident:

-- Ask if your school keeps spare clothing on hand. If your child routinely has problems, provide the teacher or nurse with a set of your child's own clothes to keep in a discreet location.

-- Reassure the child that his or her bladder has "played a trick on them," and if they start going to the bathroom more often, they will get more control.

-- Never punish a child for a wetting accident. No child wants to be wet.

[niko99]

Help...my nephew is messing himself daily.  When he first came to live with us nine months ago, everything was fine.  But for the past month, he has started to poop his pants...daily.   I first noticed when I found dirty underwear behind my dryer.  I talked to him about it...but he just wanted to change the subject.  Both of his parents died last year and I wonder if this has anything to do with it...acting out.  I have been taking his older sister to a counsler ( he did not want to go and I was told not to push him into it), but I feel he should go now.   I don't know what to do.  I have not had to deal with this before with my own children who are grown and out of the house.   Any suggestions.

[sublimelight]

It doesn't sound like your nephew is "acting out" That suggests that he is deliberately soiling himself.  It could be stress, if both parents died that is a tremendous burden to bear for anyone, let alone a child and he should be in grief counseling. Maybe there is a way to go without feeling like you're "pushing him".  There are groups and camps for children who have lost parents, (they are wonderful children are able to spend time with other children experiencing the same magnitude of loss and even if they don't talk about it, they feel supported and surrounded by people who understand their pain - not that you aren't supportive and understanding, but sometimes it helps to be with others who can relate, first hand, to your experience) and many other resources to help both children through this difficult time.  And you as well, you need support as you try to navigate this difficulty and loss.  Sorry to digress; I think it's important to not make your nephew feel ashamed or embarrassed, he's probably having a hard time understanding it himself and it may be very frightening to not be in control of an every day occurrence like using the bathroom. If he just changes the subject, that is a good indication that talking about it is uncomfortable and/or embarrassing. Also, if it's occurring outside the home he may be teased mercilessly.  It's difficult and exasperating for both of you.  So, try to be understanding or at least let him know that it's okay, it happens to kids his age sometimes and that you will do whatever you can to help him, if it continues you may need to take him to the doctor, which may be mortifying to him (having one more person know his very personal habits and now, accidents) but if he understands that you want to do what's best for him, it will be better for everyone.  
Good luck to you.  I wish you strength and patience raising your niece and nephew it's sounds like there is already love and grace, they are fortunate to have you with them during this difficult time.  I hope your nephew's situation improves, look into grief counseling for everyone, they may be able to help you with support groups as well.

[Scamper30]

I also have a 9yr old that pees in his pants quite often. I can't let him go spend the night with friends because he will have an accident. This is not a night accident its during the day. I've asked him why and he says that when he gets up in the morning (if it happens in the morning) (it happens all different times of the day) that usually he trips or falls and then thats why he has the accident. Just like today he went with his dad to a tractor show and left out this morning. He was out all day and there was a bathroom in several areas. When I went to pick them up he had a big spot in that area where you could deffinately tell that he had pee'd in his pants. I told him that if I could tell right off then so could everyone else and asked if he was embarrassed. He really didn't seem all that bothered. We have had him checked out and something about a testicle was coming down so that was fixed but we still have problems. I personaly think that hes waiting to long and when he finaly can't wait anymore thats when hes hunting a bathroom. He will even do it at home when hes outside playing. He could just go outside cause we are kinda in the country but he would rather pee in his pants. I just dont understand it.