I am at a loss, my 8 year old daughter well not stop peeing on herself during the day. We have little to no problems of her wetting the bed, it is just during the day. We have tried everything we can think of, she has been checked by the dr who says everything seems ok and is currently seeing a psychologist once a week. We have even went to the point of putting her in diapers and making her pay for them with her allowence, making her do her own laundry, grounding her. We even told her that if she wets herself and goes and cleans up herself and puts on clean underwear (and pants if necessary) right away and tells us then she wouldn't get in trouble. Because she sits in so much pee, she constantly get UTI's. We have also tried the reward system, and calling her in from playing every hour so she can go to the bathroom. My partner and I are at a loss. She is such a good child, has good grades, and rarely get into trouble execpt when she pees on herself.
Please help, we are at our wits end
Something is upsetting her in my opinion I think that you should speak to the psychologist she is seeing . Also in my opinion and I am sure the psychologist wouldn't advise it it is too much punishment for something she cannot help to put her into diapers and paying for them from her allowance .,laundry, grounding I think it has all created more anxiety and that's why its continuing ... You do need professional help for her to get to the bottom of this ..
I think the first thing I would do would be to get a second opinion from another medical doctor. I would want to be sure that the issue is not physical before dealing with psychological and/or emotional items.
That being said, what you have described is not an unusual scenario with children suffering from severe anxiety. Have you googled phrases as "anxiety behaviors in children" or "anxiety disorders in children" or "anxiety and school" or similar words/phrases? I belong to a support group for teachers and parents of children suffering from anxiety and have seen this situation a few times before. But, I don't agree with the plan of the psychologist. This is key: if the anxiety is lessened; so will the behaviour improve. It seems to me that the psychologist is dealing with the "peeing" and not with the "emotional fears"; using a plan that I feel would only exacerbate the issue. If anxiety is the issue, then your daughter will need to learn how to manage her fears (although irrational they may be) and this is where an excellent child psychologist or psychiatrist is invaluable. Anyway, just my opinion ....
I am going to go for a in between approach. You need to find out if there is anything causing anxiety...if so you need to address it. I also agree with the second opinion and if everything is fine you know she is ok. Otherwise it can be a behavior and the making her do her own laundry and then taking away privileges would help. Also I would make sure you don't make a big deal about it. She might like the attention she is getting for the issue.
you need to find out if there is anything causing anxiety..
Just to clarify - anxiety is a mental/emotional/physical issue and is not "caused". It just is - like diabetes - it just is and requires treatment.
If there is a "cause", then one is dealing with a person being anxious or being nervous (many people get these terms confused - probably because the words are so similar). But I do like your answer; perhaps this child is dealing with something that is causing her to be nervous; such as being bullied. I wonder what the school's take on this might be ....
She has been checked out by several medical doctors, and the only thing that ever is wrong is UTI's.
And let me clarify myself, the psychologist is not treating her strictly for her peeing on herself. My daughter has been through a lot, my partner and I have just recently got guardianship of her and her biological mother is not really in the picture much at all. I know that my daughter struggles with anxiety (that has not been helped by her traumatic past) and she is going to be assessed for ADHD as well. I have thought from the beginning that her peeing on herself has been something psychological (I am in my last year of graduate school to be an LPC (counselor)).
If my daughter would tell me or my partner when she has wet herself, tell us and go in and change, she would be in NO trouble. But it appears that she likes to sit in the pee, and I know that that in itself might be a sign of sexual abuse, but she continues to say that no one has touched her.
if she gets into trouble (my partner and I took her to the ER and had tests ran and an ultrasound of her bladder a few months ago) and all that was wrong was a UTI, and my daughter HATES shots, and she had a shot of antibiotics, and after that she went almost a month without peeing on herself, and then she started peeing again. Her psychologist is aware of all the punishments and rewards that we have tried. My daughter is such a cute, smart, girl, who is outgoing and friendly and can make friends so easy, that I don't want her to pee on herself and get made fun of at school or when she is out playing with her friends.
My daughter is very sensitive and her feelings get hurt easily. I was the same way as a child, and I would hurt myself physically (slam my fingers in doors, and progressed to scratching myself and cutting myself) as a way of dealing with my emotions, and I think my daughter may be peeing on herself for that reason, and I am hoping that her being in counseling may help.
My daughter is very sensitive and her feelings get hurt easily. I was the same way as a child, and I would hurt myself physically (slam my fingers in doors, and progressed to scratching myself and cutting myself) as a way of dealing with my emotions, and I think my daughter may be peeing on herself for that reason, -- your words
Have you ever read the book "the highly sensitive child" by Elaine N. Aron? If you google the title, you should be able to find some information. I found this book to be very helpful - there's even a section at the back for teachers. It will only deal with the "sensitive" issues, though.
I'm also wondering if it could be possible that your daughter is even aware that she is "peeing" herself. I don't mean to upset you but could it be possible that this "peeing" is a sign of self-mutilation? If so, then another "whole can of worms" has been opened. I googled the phrase "self mutilation and children" and got many hits. Anxiety and self-mutilation are often co-morbid conditions with many mental health disorders. Our granddaughter suffers from severe anxiety, emotional immaturity (some refer to this as emotional dysfunction or even emotional retardation) and self-medicaton (alcohol and drugs). I do not know if she is involved with self-mutilation now, but as a child she "picked" at her skin until it bled and pulled out her hair and eyelashes. Unfortunately, we have been travelling this path for several years now and I am afraid of what lies ahead. I pray you are dealing with a much lesser issue than we are - it is not an easy path.
I found the following statement re self-harm. I'm posting this more for me than for you - can't remember where I found it.
If you've got mental health or problems such as depression or severe anxiety, you have a higher risk of self-harming. But if you do self-harm, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have a serious mental illness - it may just be that you are feeling alone, isolated, stressed, frustrated, or angry about issues out of your control.
I don't have any advice however I feel for you. It must be very hard on you as a parent.
I have no experience with the urinary issues like you do however when my kids were younger and working on night time accidents we got this device called the potty pager. What it is just that, a pager that snaps into the underware with a clip. As soon as urine hits it, it sets off this vibration which can be very uncomfortable. Your child will want to rip her soiled clothing off asap. It would wake my boys up (because they would urinate in their sleep) and we would lay out clean underware and they just got up themselves and changed and went back to bed. In two weeks each child was cured. Just something to consider. It was about $80.
Wanted to add the potty pager came recommended to us through our pediatrician and does not harm or shock the child in any way just a strong uncomfortable on and off buzz/vibration which they don't like.
I say put your kid in a floral patterned sun dress and light panties so she dries fast - or slick black gym pants/shorts with no underwear. Buy a vibrating watch to remind her to go every 30 min - get the kind that you can program with messages (like a heart and picture of toilet, or a nice secret note), then give her a gold star for dry days. And that's it - don't worry anymore about it. Focus instead on being a relaxed, happy person with a healthy, steadily happier kid.
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