8 year old and sex

My wife and I had a shock last night. Our son went over to a friends house to sleepover. Around 9:00 we received a phone call from the other boy's father letting us know that he checked on the boys and found them both naked and playing a game called the penis game. This involved both children touching each other's privates and what they called "sucking each other's penis'". We spoke to our son about this and he said that he learned about this by watching TV. We explained to him that he is not to be touching other people's privates or having other people touch his privates because they do not like that. We are searching for a way to address this more and concerned that this is a problem and we need to see someone about this. This was the third time this has happened, but the first time any of the parents knew about it. My son seems to view this like stealing something from a store. Is this good or bad?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

What I would inquire about is his reply that he had learned about this behavior via television. How could that have happened, if indeed what he is saying is true? You are doing the right thing by clearly setting limits on such behavior, and he likely does not need to see anyone about it. But I wouldn't let it drop, either. More discussion about the circumstances would be sensible, so that you can learn how this came about, where and when it has occurred, what does he think about it, etc. It's OK if he regards the behavior as wrong, because it is. He should not be shamed about it, but also you should express no tolerance for it. Otherwise, he'll be confused. While you are talking with your son about the importance of not touching other people inapproapriately and not allowing himself to be touched, at the same time you can talk about how sexual behavior later in life is a normal way for people who have a loving relationship to express their closeness. But a little of this conversation goes a long way with a child so young. It is sensible to begin to address with him basic issues about sexual development.