8 year old deathly afraid to sleep by himself

[tammyr]

My 8 year old is dealthly afraid to sleep by himself.  Last night was the defining moment.  He has indicated several times that he has bad dreams usually about spiders, robbers ect...
He is a big kid and it is impossible for me to get a good nights sleep with him, if I get up to move he follows me every where.  Last night he had a friend over and at bed time he indicated that he couldn't sleep in his room which is on anther level.  He was afraid of robbers.  He started to cry and said that he was imbarresed that he needed to sleep with his mom or dad.  But that didn't stop him.  I truly do not believe this is a show.  He is scared to death and the imbarresment of having to sleep with a parent wasn't enough.  I have told him that we are safe.  I have tried leaving on a light I have threatened to lock him in his room (although I can't see that helping if he is already scared to death).  Any suggestions are welcome at this point.  I just need some sleep.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You should seek professional help for this variant of separation anxiety disorder. You are correct that, long term, having him sleep with you is not the answer. A sign of how entrenched the reaction is was provided by his not being able to alter the behavior even when a friend was visiting. Arrange an evaluation with a child psychologist, pediatric clinical social worker or psychiatric nurse. It may well be that, ultimately, a combination of therapy (including cognitive behavioral treatment) and medication will be required to help him achieve  normal sleep behaviors.

[evalotta]

Hi there- I have jus posted another comment re: an 8 year old boy....They seem to go through a huge emotional change at this age. Having gone through what I went through a year ago when my son was 8, I would not be too worried. He couldn´t even be in a separate room from me during the daytime - he was terrified I would leave, not be there or whatever. He could not go to another child´s house to play, I had to come an hour early to the school so he would know I would be there- I jumped through a lot of hoops, and yes, he slept with me often or I would lay down with him in his bed until he was asleep. I also used to put him to bed and promise to be back in 1 minute, 2 minutes etc. I would stick to this so he trusted me. It took a good 6 months for this period to pass-but I truly feel they need huge support at this age. I will pass.He´ll be fine and so will you!

[May_flower]

My daughter is just like this...bad dreams, and doesnt sleep by herself...she is 10 now. I dont mind.  I dont think my daughter needs therapy, because of her sleeping habbits, and you should be the judge for your son...My daughter went to her first sleep over in first grade and At 1:00am when all the fun and games were over I got a call and the hosting parent needed me to come pick her up because she just didnt want to stay and wanted to go home.....One thing I did with my daughter is I helped her to develope a safe place in her head...rolling medows, flowers and butterflies....swings, just a good place to be, and when she is afraid I tell her to imagine that place and In her head imagine me over by the swing keeping an eye on her....she uses this method sometimes to feel better....(but she still sleeps with me.)

[Tula]

sometimes eating to late or to close to bed time can effect there sleep when it comes to dreaming.  also what he is allowed to watch on t.v. or toys and books he reads and plays with.  i know it played a big part of our childrens fears as they were growing up.  im an adult and still get afraid at night especially when i expose myself to certain books or shows.  i know my limits and its important to remember what expressions the outside world tv toys and whatever else food also does to our kids.  i played alot of bible tapes at night for my children positive and safe words that God was watching over them.  sometimes checking on them every 10 minutes until they would fall asleep helped to.  even leaving the light on was ok.
whatever made them feel secure and could sleep peacefully.
Gods word says He will give us the sweet sleep of salvation.  rememeber to tell your child that dreams aren't real. good luck i know how difficult it can be.  we have 6 children or should i say teenagers and one 20 year old..  i hope i helped just remember there fears are valid alls you can do as a parent is be there to reasure them its ok..