8 year old depressed?

My 8 year old son has started having severe self conscious issues over the last year. We went through problem behavior with my split from my ex (over 4 years ago now) & he had counseling after being kicked out of daycare for misbehaving. Since then, I have remarried & he loves my husband as his own father. His behavior at home & at school is really no longer an issue. Now it seems to be emotional. He thinks he is fat & talks about dieting (he is not even close to having a bulging belly & is quite skinny actually). I tell him it is nonsense & I dont even talk about myself losing weight around him. He claims he doesnt want to be on "too fat for 15" when he's older.
Next is he is always sad about school or daycare. He claims no one likes him & everyone picks on him. I try to tell him that kids are mean sometimes. He really is a good kid & doesnt like to be around kids that curse or get into trouble. He tells me when other kids around him are being bad. He does talk quite a bit in a whiny voice. I try to tell him to stop but he sometimes has to force himself not to.
He is very smart & has recently discovered that he likes to do well in school. He loves math & reading & his teacher even wanted him to be tested for the gifted class, but their gifted teacher was no longer at the school.
I just don't know what to do with his lack of social skills. I don't want him to feel like he's being bullied, but i don't want to baby him so he thinks its ok either. I just need help to redirect him.
I had a heart to heart with him. Told him he is smart & handsome & that he is loved. I just don't know what else we can do. Any suggestions would be great.

[margypops]

I don't quite understand what the problem is ..it sounds like you are getting on his case a lot, you actually say you don't want him to think he is being 'bullied' why would he think that . It may be a good idea to allow him to be himself and back off a bit..possibly some over concern is making it worse ..unfortunately the time we are living in children have been made to feel very bad if they are a bit over weight, I feel this is wrong and will cause many eating disorders, let him alone so he can be in control ...good luck  .

[m0m_of_3]

I honestly dont FEEL like I am getting on his case too much. I may be blind to it but I really dont think I need to get on to him for much. Trying to explain in writing may be difficult, but when he tries to tell me things his voice is constantly whiny, not just some times, or when he's upset, almost always. At 8 I feel he should start having normal conversations without sounding like he's crying or complaining all the time. I suppose that is the best way I can explain it. But regardless of that, my main concern is not ME getting on to him for whining, its how he feels that he has no friends & no one likes him. He tells me kids say mean things to him every day or sometimes they push him, etc. This is why I think he feels he is being bullied. I just don't know if his whiny tone is what causes other kids to be mean to him. He seems fine when he does have friends over, though I don't know his behaviors around others at school or daycare.

& I certainly dont make him feel like he is overweight in anyway so perhaps you misread that. I am against even making him think I would be dieting just because he is so sensitive. He is not overweight & in fact is quite skinny, which all of my kids are.

Finally, I think letting kids be in control is what is wrong with kids today, they get away with doing whatever they want. I don't want my kids to be mean & inconsiderate or think they can just get away with everything with no discipline. I don't have to spank my kids, they respect me when I speak to them. All I want is to make sure my son is happy, not showing signs of depression at such an early age. All of the horrible things you see unhappy kids do these days when they feel no one likes them or they're being picked on. I don't want him to ever think he is alone, thats what I need help understanding.

[margypops]

What about sports and after school activities would they perhaps give him a boost with self confidence,ask Dad to do some guy things with him. May I ask what 'too fat for 15 is is this something they use at school ?  

[m0m_of_3]

we have done sports. most recently soccer which he likes so i will surely sign him up next season.
the "too fat for 15" is a TV show that teenagers are overweight & go to camp to lose weight. Not that I allowed him to watch it, i never knew he saw it until he said that to me.
My husband does things with him & he enjoys time with him. As I said, its not at home that I see the issues, its at school & daycare that he seems to have issues with other kids. He just seemed sad every day I had to drop him off & talked about how much he hated it because no one likes him.

[margypops]

may I ask you why ...why does he think no one likes him ?

[m0m_of_3]

I suppose that is what I am trying to figure out. I never get a reason. He just says no one likes me, or everyone hates me, or they're mean to me, or i have no friends. I ask why & he just tells me "because". he hangs his head down & walks around at daycare or stands outside the door. He's not nearly as bad at school except for the 1st week or so when he goes to a new class. Once he's comfortable it seems to be a bit better, but he still has severe self esteem issues & i have no idea where they come from.

[margypops]

I would get him really involved with activities,in my experience sports and games work better on a child  psyche more than anything else I know , being part of something and using ones body can  give an amazing sense of power .Get him signed up for soccer and how about some basketball,if you haven't got a hoop at the house be good to get one . I always found in this tech age that board games, work well, scrabble is so much fun,monoply, anything that families do together . Maybe the daycare is boring , what do they do with the children ?