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8 year old refusing to do homework
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8 year old refusing to do homework

My 8 yr old son refuses to do homework. It's a daily battle in the family. Whether simple or difficult - he will not do it. He dislikes school and has only a few friends. He would rather stay home than attend school at all. I tried sending him over March break for extra math help but he threw a crying fit and never stayed. I am desperate for assistance. Any help would be appreciated
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535822_tn?1389452880
When does he do the homework, it is a good idea to let him relax and have a snack when he comes in, we all like to unwind so let him choose when he gets the work done.So many parents nag at their children almost as soon as they get in from school, try to relax a bit then with the pressure off he will be happier to comply . Is therte any reason he doesnt like school, aare the Teachers good does he get on with them, he doesnt need a lot of friends a few is good. Take a step back try to see how he is feeling, has he any siblings ?
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Avatar_m_tn
   When you sit down with him to help him do his homework - what is it like?  Does he have trouble staying on task?  Can he do several problems in a row without losing his concentration.  Does he have a clue how to do his homework?  When he was doing his homework, did it take him a lot longer than the other kids in his class?
    If a child is doing poorly in school - ie. everytime they are called on, they have the wrong answer.  Every test or quiz they take, they fail it. It doesn't take too long to start hating school and want to stay home.  Frankly, if you don't know how to do your homework or if it takes you forever to do - then you learn, "why bother"!
   Finally, what is his teacher saying?  Is it the same thing his teacher said last year? have his teachers remarked that  they give him directions and he can't follow them.  Does he finish his tests on time, take forever, or just give up?  Does he have trouble on the playgrounds.    What do his teachers say?  If he is fine at school, then the problem lies at home.  If he is having problems in both areas, then you may well need professional help for him.
  Talk first with his teacher, and then with the school psychologist.  You also might want to check out the ADHD site on this forum and particularly this link which explains ADHD.
http://www.medhelp.org/medical-information/show/2157/Attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-ADHDg
  If you have any other questions please post here or on the ADHD forum.  Good Luck
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Avatar_f_tn
Yes - he has trouble focusing so we turn TV off etc. He can't do many in a row and he never seems to have any idea how to answer any questions. He is struggling through all of it - in the class and at home.
I had him evaluated and he was deemed an 'exceptional case' to start having a program put in place - school wouldn't do anything without it. Different teacher as last year - thank goodness. this one seems to want to help with his social issues and the special ed teacher is awesome. He doesn't follow the general instructions so he usually has a sidebar after as he is too shy to say i don't understand. He takes forever in class and at home. He does have trouble getting along with other kids - is obsessed with having them like him so he drives therm crazy so they don't like him - back-fires. At home - he generally behaves quite well - just things related to school are always dramatic. I was told he may have adhd but the LD is more serious and to focus on that. I feel that the school doesn't really know what to do though.
Thanks for your time
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Avatar_f_tn
I usually let hime relax, play a bit and then tackle homework after dinner. I have tried doing it when he gets home but that is never possible due to time.
He has a younger sister
He has had trouble since grade 2 - prior to that it was your average struggles - learning to read etc - nothing too bad - he was at a decent level for that. He was bullied in grade 2 by 2 kids he wanted to be friends with and they took advantage of him, getting him to do their dirty work for them etc pretending that theyd be good friends if he did. This year - he isn't in their class but he is a bit of a loner - sometimes plays with younger kids - which is fine (only 1 year younger)
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535822_tn?1389452880
Could he have some jealousy issues about his younger sister is it at all possible that he feels left out in any way? You say he was bullied that definatly colors the way they feel about school,on reading your post I thought there may be some underlying problem, in my opinion this is what you focus on Did the school address the bullying, you say he isnt in their class so thats a good thing. I wouldnt concern about that part now perhaps focus on making him feel better at home ,you say it isnt possible due to time, what happens that there isnt the time?.
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Avatar_m_tn
   It sounds like the school is doing about all that they legally can do.  Most schools are not allowed to suggest something like ADHD  or ADD because then they are liable for treatment, etc.  Be very happy that he has supportive teachers.  The LD is very serious and does need to be concentrated on.  The question is what is causing it.  If it is being caused by ADHD, its like a dog chasing his tail - you will never catch up with it.  With a lot of after school tutoring, summer help, and very understanding teachers - he could hang in there.  But once the subject matter gets to high school/late middle school level.  It gets very difficult.  
  What bothers me the most is that he sounds like he is shutting down, giving up, etc.  That is not good.  Depression could soon follow.  
  His symptoms are more on the ADD side.  If he was hyperactive, the school and teachers would have probably been more vocal.  He sounds like a sweet kid who is being overwhelmed.  I feel for him.  Ask his special ed teacher how he compares to other kids she has seen with ADHD/ADD.  If she has been there awhile, she should have some pretty good comparative ideas.  She may also have some ideas on how you can help him at home.
   But, I also think it is probably time to get a professional opinion.  Especially because you need to know if the LD is caused by something like ADHD/ADD or something else, because the treatments are very different.  I think you best bet will be a pediatric psychiatrist because you will want to look at all options.  And, of course, if you haven't done so (and it proves to be the case), you need to start reading up on ADD?ADHD.  There are a lot of ways to work on it.  And while the meds vs no meds/ better diet, etc., is an important part of the discussion.  There is also a lot to understand about how to help him with school, friends, and life.
  Good Luck !!!
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Avatar_f_tn
No, I don't see any jealousy. The school addressed the bullying when i asked them not to be in the same class but that is pretty much it. Problem is, my son is very naive. If the bullies were doing something wrong and mine was there also, they would tell the teacher it was him and he would go along with it to be 'cool'. I was the one to attack that one.
With the timing issue, i was referring to the task of dinner so we end up doing it afterwards
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