8 year old son talks about wanting to die

[Jeru225]

When our 8 yr old son gets upset he talks about wanting to die. I will also find drawings and writings in his books about hating his life so much and how he wants to die. He is and always has been an EXTREMELY emotional child. We have other problems with him such as lying and just generally doing things that he has been told not to do. He stays in trouble and therefore punished most of the time. He has plenty of friends at school and in the neighborhood and he keeps the same friends so his social development is good. Teachers at school say he is charming and sweet but has a problem accepting responsibility for his behavior. He likes to blame others for what he's done. He also is an extremely loving child. Loves to spend time with us like cuddling, playing games and such. I just am torn between handling this as a "real" problem or if I should dismiss it as a child trying to get attention. He is a very creative and dramatic child. I just am not sure if this is just his way of trying to get more attention and empathy from us or if it's really feelings of dispair. Please help!!!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It would be a mistake to cast this as anything other than a problem. You should arrange an evaluation for your son with a pediatric mental health clinician.

[jwil508]

I have a friend who has a daughter who just turned 8 in October.  She does alot of the same things.  She will tell her mom no, tell her mom she hates her, says she hates her life, says she wants to die, says her mom don't like her or want her.  Also, she will not talk to anyone not familiar to her including doctors, dentists,etc.  She will grab on to her mom and look down and if her mom tells her to answer she will grunt or make a noise.  Now, when she warms up to an adult (which takes a very long time she can be funny and sweet).  With kids it takes a while but generally not too long.  Most of her negative behavior happens when her mother is present.  She even displays the negative behavior to family members.  Her father has not been too involved and is in and out of her life. Her mother is in and out of relationships so I do not know if that plays a role. I thought it was for attention and the fact her mother does not discipline her at all. I think the mother feels guilty for her father not being around.  Then when her mother brings a man around she acts up too so I figure it is a jealousy issue.  I told her to take her to a counselor but she hasn't done so yet.  I figure they could break through to her since she won't talk too much to strange adults. I know this doesn't really answer your question but your post stood out as I thought it was extremely odd to hear a 7 year old talk about life and death like that. I curious to hear some of the feedback and answers as well.  Good luck to you.

[Jeru225]

Thank you for the advice. I greatly appreciate your time!

[Jeru225]

Well my son doesn't do anything else out of the ordinary. He is socially and mentally developed as he should be at this age. He isn't shy and will talk to anyone, very outgoing. I know that we as parents expected a lot from him ever since he was able to talk. I think we expected him to know a lot more than what he did, and we were harsh bc we thought he was doing things to misbehave when in reality it was just him learning his limits and how to have self control. I think that it made him FEEL like he was a bad kid, like he could n't do anything right, that he was always wrong and always being corrected and punished. I don't know if we broke his spirit. I think we damaged his self esteem. He is so smart and so eager to do the right thing and to please ppl and receive praise BUT at the same time he is very mischievous. Typical boy I am sure. But I am thinking that we need to build up his confidence. I don't know how to do that when he is constantly lying and trying to deceive us. I am worried about how he reacts to us with the wanting to die comments. Let me clarify that it hasn't happened very much, maybe 3 times, but the first time in itself was enough to jolt my attention.