8 year old son waking up several times a night

[jamiestock]

In the last two weeks my eight year old has begun waking up several times a night.  I am divorced and there has been a 50/50 custody arrangement with two nights at his father's and two nights at my house and then every other weekend for the last 3 years. Initially, it was only happening once a night and then only at his dad's house, but it seems that the problem has been increasing at his dad's and now it is also happening at my house.  Four days ago he started waking up around 4:00a.m. at my house, but I could tell him what time it was and he went back to sleep.  Last night he woke up at 1:30 am and it was nearly 3:00 before he fell back asleep.  I stayed in his bed with him last night until he went back to sleep.  He does not talk or have fears or nightmares, he simply can't get himself back to sleep.  His dad has said that it is happening multiple times a night at his house and he is extremely frustrated with the situation.  My son is also frustrated and is becoming very afraid and anxious about getting sleep.  Last night my son was crying at even the mention of bedtime because he was worried about waking up in the night and then not being able to go back to sleep.  I have tried calming things with him, rubbing his temples, talking about serene places, counting backwards from 100. If I can get him to calm down and relax/count, he will fall asleep, but he is starting to get so obsessed with not being able to fall asleep that it is getting more difficult to calm him into sleep.  I feel like he is quickly developing a very bad sleep pattern and would like to try and do something about it now before it becomes any worse.  To my knowledge, there is nothing out of the ordinary that is bothering him.  I had the chance to speak with his teacher and there are no concerns there.  There may be some issues with his dad that I don't know about, but my son isn't telling me that there is anything going on there.  His dad does have some emotional issues and my guess is that he may be in a bit of a blue period at this time as he has not been as involved in attending my sons games, etc. in the very recent past. But to my knowledge there have not been any significant changes in his dad's house, he lives with a woman and has for the past 3 years and that is going well.  In my house there have been some changes.  I remarried 2 months ago, but the transition has been good. Things in the house have an easy routine, we have great family time together, and my kids were comfortable with and knew my new husband for over a year before we got married. Until this recent episode with my son, the kids (I also have a 6 year old daughter) seemed to have adjusted very well.  In fact, I thought that my son, who is by nature a worrier and much more sensitive, particularly to the plight of others than say my daughter, was relaxed and comfortable with things.  What do I do at this point. I fear that the lack of sleep is going to start to have a serious impact on other areas.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You can go in one of two directions. Since the nighttime behavior has not been evident for very long, you wouldn't be unreasonable by engaging in watchful waiting and see if he settles. Be sure you stick to a structured bedtime routine, and the routine should be followed in both households if possible. The other option is to seek an evaluation by a pediatric mental health professional who can offer a perspective on what might be occurring and, at the very least, offer you some guidance. Your observation that your son's dad might be going through some difficulty (perhaps associated with your re-marriage?) should not be ignored. As an aside, but an imprtant aside, I do not endorse the type of custody arrangement that exists now. It is really best for children, during the school week, to go to bed and wake up in the same house on each school day. I'd re-evaluate your arrangement and consider that it might be in your son's best interest to change the arrangement.

[CharmedFan0319]

I have a friend whose 8 year old daughter has trouble going to sleep at night. All she does is before she puts her daughter to bed is give her its eitheor childrens benadryl or imodium (immodium).

[CharmedFan0319]

Wait I am almost positvie its Benadryl. Thats what her doctor told her to do was give her daughter Benadryl. That exactly what it is. Childrens Benadryl. Try that it should work for him. :)

[Dawndelion]

I have to disagree with giving Benadryl. This sounds like more than trouble just falling asleep once in a while. Giving medicine to make sure the child falls asleep is not solving any underlying issues that may be at hand. I agree 100% about the custody arrangement playing a huge factor and I have heard this more than once. My son has been with me for the last 7 years during the school week. Seeing as how his father, all though living too far away, still has a much different lifestyle and schedule than I do, I could see how this would affect my son.  We have a routine at my house and stick very close to it as much as possible. I believe things will get better. I believe seeking out a Pediatrician that focuses on what you child is dealing with sleep wise is a must. I wish you best of luck. Meantime keep loving him and lots of hugs and re-assure him.