8 year old talk/acts like a baby

[ckDogwood]

My partner's niece talks like a baby.I don't know if she is doing that to be cute or for some other reason.  When a train goes by she says, "chooo-chooo" a few times over and over again. She doesn't know when to be calm or quite when two adults are talking. She says mommy or daddy in a childlike/baby way. I believe children should act like children, and most parents do, so when its time to teach them to act like an "adult" its too late. She gets punished when she misbehaves but few minutes later her mom is cuddling her and even burping her like a child. Is this wrong? I'm 22 now, and known them for 2 years, and it hasn't changed.  She gets punished four times a week now, she hits her mom back even if she thinks she is being funny.  For them its ok since family is never going to accept their own mistakes. I have no doubt that she is a smart girl like any other child can be.  She has a couple of friends, but mostly she hangs out with adults (mostly familty) since she gets the attention and praise for any little thing she does. But mostly the problem is not personal (with me), but it can be annoying most of the times.  She (and also her family) drinks lots of cokes/sprite/sodas and eats candy a lot.  I think even if she eats one candy she'll start getting all
rambunctious.  I don't know if I'm exaggerating, but I try to be nice (she went bike riding with us) so she can hang out with her uncle, but I cannot stand her baby-like voice. I'm I wrong, I know many parents have different ways to raise a child; there's no right way but there has to be a better way.

[rebbecca]

her parents are making her the way she is. if her parents arent going to treat her like a 8 year old then she isnt going to act like it. and sodas and junk food arent good for her anyway. she needs to be around kids her own age and not around adults all the time. is she in any kind of programs? or play sports?

[ckDogwood]

She's actually in cheerleading; her mom is the coach.  Her grandpa is paying her gymnastics class.  It's kind of strange that she still acts the same way.  She has an older half-sister who spends every other weekend with them, but eventually she will not want to spend time with them anymore, she can't tag along with her just because she "can't" make friends, plus her half sister is showing signs of not wanting to hang out with them, she can't be a shadow for her whole life.  She has everything in her room and more,  her mom makes a huge deal that "Santa" doesn't have any "more" money to buy her presents.   I'm 22 and don't have that much stuff in my room, maybe i'm jealous, lol, i don't know.  I was brought up differently.  I don't know, she is ok when her mom is not around... for a while though, then she gets all... It's hard to explain, one needs a mental picture of it or meeting her.  Oh and she still sleeps with her parents, she has not slept in her room ever, and when her sister is around she sleeps with her in her room.

[Agiesmom]

It's now believed that sugar really doesn't really cause hyperactivity.  However, eating too much sugar isn't good for anyone.

Regarding the baby talk, it's obviously endearing to her mother--she's obviously still her mother's "baby" and is playing the part at her mother's encouragement--so you may be fighting a losing battle here.  Baby talk is working for her--she's getting something out of it and will continue to do it until it no longer works for her.  If both parents dislike baby talk in a child, they can work together and continually say, "Use your big girl voice" and refuse to respond unless she is speaking appropriately.  But if you think you are going to change that if her mother is not on board with doing so, I think you are just going to end up even more frustrated.

And from the tone of your post, you really dislike this child (not pleasant to admit, but if you're honest, you know that's the case).  But if you are going to be with her mother, you are going to have to realize that the child will ALWAYS (or at least SHOULD be) first with her mother and unless her mother stinks and sends her to live with someone else, you will always have the girl in your life (and from the sounds of this situation, she'll be front and center).  And believe me, the child can sense when she is disliked or being tolerated, so I would evaluate that and see if it's something you can do--learn to love and accept her completely.

Have you discussed this with her mother?  Does she see a problem?

[ckDogwood]

Oh believe me I've evaluated all the possibilities out there.  Its a long story, and this isn't the board for it, lol but believe me i've tolerated/tried to like her/them, but it is frustrating, you are right.  Its not my place to tell them how to live or whatever, but they should be considerate of others.  Their mentality is...I can, but you can't.  So they can talk about everyone one, but oh be careful if you say something about them, especially the baby.  I have a relationship with her uncle not with them.  And it has been difficult since they live so close to him, (its the whole family) about 0.1 miles from him, even less actually, so it is hard because they are there.  It even seems that they do it on purpose I don't know lol.  No one has told her about how she behaves to her face.  I believe everyone notices it, her aunt made a face (kind of a ewww face, if you know what I mean, lol) when she couldn't calm down (jumping/poking) at the hospital when her granny was there at her last moments.  Plus if I do discuss it it will be all against one, so it will be a lost "war."  It's funny because they will criticise other children that act the same way.  

[Agiesmom]

Ok...gotcha on the relationship thing.  So your partner finds his niece's baby talk endearing, too?  Ugh.  Not good.  I was going to suggest that if you gently talk to him and say, "I know you love her and I want to love her the way you love her, too...can we work together to make outings fun for the three of us so I can really get to appreciate what a sweet, loving little girl she is?"  Then maybe suggest that the two of you ban together and say, "I'm sorry...we don't understand you when you talk like that...can you use your big girl voice?"  I know that won't resolve the issue when you are all together with the family, but maybe having more people around will diffuse the situation a bit...and maybe if she gets used to using her big girl voice with you and your partner, it will spill over to when you are together in family situations.  I know, I know...maybe not likely, but it seems like it's the only option besides telling your partner that he needs some special one-on-one time with his niece and avoiding being with them when he has her.

I dated a guy with a child and the guy spoiled the child rotten and it was too much for me.  I couldn't do it.  I eventually said, "Spend special time alone with your son--he really needs that--and I'll see you on Monday!"  (The relationship eventually fizzled, but I just couldn't do it.)  Your situation may be easier since your partner isn't the father.

Just always remember to be careful how you word things when talking about her...avoid words like "annoying" and "nails on a chalkboard" (I know it IS like nails on a chalkboard, but you can't say that!  ;))

[ckDogwood]

haha yep thats how it is.  Kinda complicated, but I try not to dramatize it.  I can't stand that, maybe that's why I don't like them, it seems that they love to suffer or something.  He seems to not like the whole spoil thing NOW, I think he finally understood how I and other people see it.  It takes a stranger to point out whats wrong with you.  You know what, I think he doesn't like to be with her by himself, and when he is he tells me that she was calm, either that or he's lying or he doesn' have anyone telling him how she's acting, lol.  I do not know lol.  I try to keep away from them, but when I am there it seems that I can't stand it. It's a battle of who's louder.  My neck hurts trying to look at who's talking lol (which they all do at the same time, except my partner). You know, the father of the girl is different.  He's calm.  The problem is the mom.  To be honest  I don't know what to do, its not really my problem, I just can't stand it lol.  And I try to be a nice person, you know, but there are people that just... ahhh.  You know, before "coming" into their lifes my partner didn't have anyone that told him what was wrong with them.  That, and I believe I stole their "beck-and-call" person.  So I know there's something going deep within them even if they tell him otherwise.  They talk mean, really mean things about everyone, even the girl says "hate." They kind of calmed down on the hate thing though. They hate/hated everyone, but my partner told them not to say that anymore.  Believe me if i had the means to get drugs (which I wouldn't) but if I did, I would get high before spending time with this type of child and/or people.

P.S.  Thanks for the comments, keep them coming, I'll try to answer them. I want to know if this behavior is wrong or that I'm wrong or just whiny.  If you have any problems just ask, I'm no expert but it seems to help when someone is going throught the same thing.  Plus I just joined the site, so I don't want to delete my account yet.lol.

[Agiesmom]

LOL!  Don't let them drive you to drink (or do drugs)!

You aren't whiny.  It's not normal, but who is really normal?  You are dealing with in-law issues like the rest of us!  And yes, I can talk about my goofy family all I want, but my husband better just smile and nod occasionally!  ;)

You put up with the package (and family is a package in most cases) because you love someone.  You ignore, avoid, bite your tongue.  And occasionally move 3000 miles away from both families!  LOL!

Hang in there...keep gently pointing things out (so he's not taken advantage of) and helping him to see the situation without making him angry and wanting to write off his family.  Families are important (even somewhat dysfunctional ones)--and as long as there's no abuse or addiction, we all just have to deal with what comes with the package because fortunately most people are multifaceted and you can always see some good even when the bad seems to overwhelm at times.

[Agiesmom]

p.s. You also might planning visits with her that revolve around helping and doing "big girl" things--try giving her responsibilities that baby's don't typically have when she's with you.  Have her help cook (cut carrots, stir the spaghetti sauce) and teach her how to do laundry and clean, have her help wash the car, etc., all the while reinforcing how grown up she is and how she's very helpful.  Whenever she uses a normal voice, reinforce it by telling her how nice she sounds (maybe even say, "You sound like Hannah Montana when you use your big girl voice!").  Just keep encouraging her to act her age.  If nothing else, you may grow fond of her and maybe it won't be so annoying when her mother encourages her bad behavior.

[tammy91]

I have a step child that comes to are house peas her pants and talks like a baby at 8 years old it drives me nuts