8 yr old who steals and lies

[mel02]

I have an 8 yr. old stepson who lies and steals pencils,erasers and other such things off of his teachers desk and then lies to his teacher saying that we bought them for him. He has also stolen things from his father and me, such as my jewelry and some of his fathers tools(nails, screw drivers, ect.) He hides them in his room, usually under his mattress along with the candy and gum he steals from the pantry. He has been told he is not aloud to have candy or gum, because he spits it out were ever he wants usually on the carpet or his bedspread. My step son went through a lot when he was younger. When he was just about 3 yrs. old his mother was killed in an accident. There was a lawsuit as a result of the accident and it was not resolved until he was 5yrs. old. My husband raised his son with the help of all of the grandparents from both sides. My husband worked 6 days a week and had no idea on how to raise a child. He had to learn it all in a matter of days. He did the best he could. My step son grew up playing with adults instead of other children, because my husband did not know how to set up play dates or other child friendly interactions. As a result he is very socially immature. My stepson had his every need catered to for years and was given a lot of attention do to the fact that the grandparents and my husband to some degree because he lost his mother. When my husband and I started dating we talked about some of these issues and he tried to correct them but the grandparents on both sides were not ready to change and rather than having a knock out argument with the people who helped him in a difficult time he thought he would do what he could when his son was with him. I married my husband 2 years ago. My stepson was very excited and asked if he could call me mom and told me he now would have someone to make a mothers day card for every year. Last year I gave birth to my first and my husbands second son. My stepson is a great big brother willing to jump in and help whenever it is needed. He loves his little brother and his little brother adores him. I have noticed for the past two years his behavior becoming worse and worse. My husband had blinders on at first but he can no longer say he is just a boy doing boy things (like getting in trouble for climbing up the bathroom stalls at school or punching another boy at school in the stomach because he was teasing him). We tried a reward system, we have disciplined him, taken his toys away, grounded him and even took him to talk to a policeman about the lies and stealing, the very next day after he told us for the third time he was going to stop he lied and stole again. We are desperate and are at a loss as to what to do next. He seems to have no respect for rules or us. He is very smart and has a high I.Q. He knows how to size a situation up and how to manipulate it in his favor. He can be very sweet and loving and have great manners and behave but then turn around and just act like a undisciplined boy. Please help!